Drill Sergeant Or Shepherd

The fastest way to learn who you really are as a dad is to ask the people who live with you. So we did exactly that. Josh and Debbie bring JT, Kayla, and Gabby into the room for a Father’s Day roundtable that is funny, uncomfortable, and surprisingly practical if you care about real Christian parenting, not just good intentions. 

We unpack two very different parenting instincts: the drill sergeant who uses intensity to stop behavior now, and the shepherd who uses relationship to shape character over time. Along the way we talk about “command presence,” a scary family car crash, and why a stern voice can get attention but also create distance if it becomes the default. JT reflects on discipline as a teen, what correction feels like in the moment, and what actually helped long-term. 

Then Kayla and Gabby share how daughters experience the “dad voice,” why emotions can turn a quick correction into days of stress, and what kinds of conversations actually lead to growth. We also get honest about discipline versus punishment, why kids are resilient even when parents miss the mark, and the core principle we keep coming back to: your influence rises and falls on the relationship you build when nothing is “wrong.” 

If you’re a dad who wants to lead with clarity, protect without controlling, and raise kids who can function well when you’re not around, hit play. Subscribe, share this with a parent friend, and leave a review so more families can find it. When you think about your own home, do you default to drill sergeant or shepherd?

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Transcript

A Father Asks For Feedback

Josh 0:01

As a father, have you ever actually sat down with your family and honestly asked them, hey, how am I doing? That's what we're gonna get into on this week's episode of Practically Christian podcast. Just so you know, this episode does go a lot longer, but trust me, it's going to be worth it. Please make sure you take time to listen to the whole episode because there is a challenge at the end that I really think you could change your life if you take seriously.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

So without further ado, you are listening to Practically Christian Podcast, taking all that information you got all in your brain and giving you real practical application.

Family Roundtable For Father’s Day

Josh 0:53

Alright, as we jump into this, this is a first for us. Normally, I will say I am excited because Debbie's back. Hello. I feel like it's been like 18 episodes since it has been a long time. Debbie's been in here. But we also have three other special guests. So special. So we have one that many people have heard and love, JT.

SPEAKER_05 1:20

Hi.

Josh 1:22

Um, and then we have Kayla and Gabby joining us on this episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Hi. Hello.

Josh 1:29

Why did you put it together? What was that? Hello. Hello, Clarice.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Sorry.

Josh 1:36

How are you living, girl? Let me get a number six.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Okay.

Josh 1:41

But we're gonna do something different. Father's Day. You just said something about people coughing. I I turned away from the mic. As you hear, um, it it feels like what do you need? Get JT a tissue. It feels like the plague has hit our house. Okay. Father's Day is coming up. By the time you hear this, it's gonna be June 8th. However, Father's Day is coming up on the 21st, and we want to do something a little different that we haven't done. Um, and that's why everyone is in the room today. In the house. Um, this is gonna be a terrible episode if you guys just keep coughing, though. Um I want to expose my own parenting with the ultimate critics in the world, the people that see everything the good, the bad, the ugly. Um and I want to talk about this from a father's perspective.

Drill Sergeant Versus Shepherd Parenting

Josh 2:45

Because I think for a father, there are really two different places you parent from. You are either a drill sergeant or a shepherd. And I think there's a time and a place for both of those. Okay. Okay, but I will tell you like in the military, in law enforcement, we have this word called command presence, right? Command presence is when you can take control of a scene simply just by being there. And and again, things like the accident, right, in Pensacola. I didn't remember. Kayla did not have command presence during that episode. To give people a little perspective of why I said that. We're on a family trip going up to Pensacola. Um we hit a bridge, we started hydro planning, put us into a wall on top of like a 30-foot bridge, right? Airbags deploy. Anyone in here can correct me. Anyone in here can correct me if you think I'm wrong. I I stayed relatively calm during the whole process.

SPEAKER_05 3:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

Until you yelled at me.

Josh 3:52

Until when, JT?

SPEAKER_05 3:53

Until Kayla.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

I did not shoot. Rightfully so. Rightfully so.

SPEAKER_05 3:58

It was a three it was a three-row car, and she was in the third row and just jumped all the first row into the second row from her seat.

Josh 4:09

I did she kick you in the head? I got kicked in the head.

SPEAKER_05 4:13

I'm already mad because I got hit in the face with the airbag.

Josh 4:17

And you were sleeping, right, when it all happened?

SPEAKER_05 4:19

I I had just woken up with your hydro plane.

Josh 4:21

So he had no idea what was going on. Kayla didn't. And at that point, and at that point, I did not remain calm.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

No.

Josh 4:33

Like, why, Kayla?

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Because I wasn't being very helpful by freaking out. Rightfully so, freaking out.

unknown 4:40

No.

Josh 4:41

Every freak out. Everyone else in the car was fine. Everyone else in the car was calm.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Yeah.

Josh 4:49

So I had to, like, it was almost like, you know, the scene in airplane when the lady's freaking out in the seat and everyone like lines up and starts like slapping her in the face and like that's what it would be. Get it together. Yeah. Like it was like that. That would be.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

Nobody actually slapped her.

Josh 5:04

No, no. No, there was no one. GT wanted to. But you had to come up a few levels to bring her back down. That is the drill sergeant approach. That is the in your face, like, yeah. Dad voice, full on. Maybe, just maybe, a couple of four-letter words slipped out. Like when the guy came over to help us. He's yelling at Kayla. Yes, the guy came over to help us. I'm yelling at Kayla. Definitely not my most proud dad moment. But I mean, it was a very traumatic situation. Like we it totaled the car. And then the guy was like, uh, I was coming over to just see if I could pray with you guys. And I was like, how do you now explain to this guy? Hey, I'm a pastor, and I appreciate that. But I've just screamed at my daughter. You literally just saw me at my worst. Oh, that was that was bad. But that that's the drill sergeant approach. Now the shepherding approach, um, and honestly, and and I think I do this with all three of you. Um Gabby, I can definitely give more examples with JT just because I spend so much alone time with JT. Like whether it's on the boat or it's working on something or fixing something. And and those are the moments where like it's really just a conversation. And do you think and and for those of you listening, here's what I need you to know about JT and Kayla. All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest. Let's just let's just get the honesty out of the way real quick. Gabby would have a hard time bashing me, especially with me sitting in the room. Right? Not Kayla and Gabby. I mean not Gabby and JT. JT and Kayla. I can't think straight. JT and Kayla really have no qualms about that. Nope.

SPEAKER_03 6:53

I don't bash you. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 6:54

Kayla is way quicker to bash though.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

That's not true. That's different. That's not bashing.

Josh 7:00

So before we even jump into that, okay, that that would be the shepherding, though, right? The cool, calm, collected. We're just gonna sit down, we're gonna have a conversation about this. Can I ask you a quick question? Yeah. So you said drill sergeant or um shepherd. Yep. Where do you line dads up that are lax and don't do anything? Dads? Useless. Okay. I didn't know like you're just coming from a place of the drill sergeant, shepherd, not the dads that are not engaged and don't that are just kind of there taking space. I go at that point. Are you a dad? Okay. I just wanted to get clarification on that. You know, like and and that was where I wanted to go first was your perspective. Okay. You know, as my wife. Right. You know, as as the other parent, as the co-parent in this. You know, as far as that goes, like co-parenting. In the same house, yes. What would you call it? You try to co-parent parents sometimes, it's a whole other story. But no, as far as dads go, like, yes, I'm talking about dads who are actively involved in their kids' life. And and and understand, like, that's not a dig, you know, if you're you're a dad who who is being kept away from your kids, yeah. 80 plus hours to make ends meet. Like, I'm not trying to dig on you.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

No.

Josh 8:18

Um, we could have a more personal conversation about that. I'm talking about like, oh, you made a baby and then left. You went to go get cigarettes or milk. No, I ain't I ain't talking about you. I mean, or the dads that are there and just don't parent at all. Like the wife takes over all the things and does all the things. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Same thing, same thing. Okay. But I mean, you can be an absentee dad without in the home. Yeah, without not being in the house. I just wanted to put that out there. Yep.

Mom’s View On Dad Mode

Josh 8:44

Um so from your perspective, right? The first question would be, you know, you've watched me parent, obviously, from day one. And you've seen the best of times and the worst of times. Yeah, like what does it look like when I'm just stuck in that drill sergeant mode versus what it looks like when you would go, hey, like he's shepherding. As a wife and as a mother, if you're stuck in drill sergeant mode, it it used to like make me really sad this far along in our marriage and parenting. It it makes me very bitter and angry if you are in a drill sergeant mode. All the time? Like, you don't think there's a time and a place? No, you said if you're stuck in it. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. Like if you're just gr uh, you know, grout I can't even speak straight. Grouchy. Grouchy and like grumbling and just constantly just on them. No, that that irritates me. Now, I think you do need to be in drill sergeant mode, especially when it comes to like I'll say you're more strong-willed. Okay, listen, don't look over here. Strong-willed situations. Well, I mean, even with Gabby, you've gotten pretty stern with her too. With Gabby? Yes. Yes. There are times especially parenting a boy, like you've had to be in that drill sergeant mode where if you didn't do that, it could have ended really badly for him. Stop. And like for his future. So you had to like put that hammer down, which wasn't always easy for me watching because I immediately, you know. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Just because, and again, in a shepherding mode. Sure. Me and JT have talked about this. JT does. Oh God. Don't dare do it. Does mommy ever egg me on?

unknown 10:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

Yeah, she she will put him more into a drill sergeant mode when you're full of it. For some unknown reason.

Josh 10:44

Do you know what else he did? But well, in those moments, is she like, I'm I'm trying to protect you? No. No, is she going to like she's telling you like I'm trying to protect you? She'll tell me that. But then on the same hand.

SPEAKER_05 10:59

She's just gaslighting me.

Josh 11:03

Okay, hang on. From your perspective as a father, have I ever come to you during those times and been like, have you lost your mind? What are you doing? You have done that.

unknown 11:15

After you egged him on.

Josh 11:16

You have done that. After you egged them on. After, yes, after the situation is over. And I think that's important. I think like, and and mind you, we're talking about a very rare percentage of the time. Yeah, because those those weren't often. You know, where I yeah, I may have took a step too far, you know, where it was like, mm, he's only eight. Like you know. Relax. Now, yes, as a father, I'm looking at this going, okay. Oh, you're seeing 25. You're seeing. But he's already burnt his hand on the grill. I was just kidding. That's a whole other story. Go ahead and tell it. Go ahead, JT. How old were you?

SPEAKER_05 11:50

I was like five. And um he he told me not to touch the grill because it was hot.

Josh 11:58

What'd you do?

SPEAKER_05 11:58

But it was just so red inside attractive and it was like colorful. The burnt up whatever it was. Like the grate. Yeah. No, it was like it was uh. It's like the little side burner, yeah. Yeah, but it had stuff on it that was like glowing. Fire. So he went inside and I was like, oh, this would be cool. So I touched, so I just just put my hand down on it.

Josh 12:23

Tapped it. And then started screaming, and then started screaming and crying. So we ran back out. I go to go comfort him and help him. And what does daddy do?

SPEAKER_05 12:33

Starts yelling at me. And then I got a spanking.

Josh 12:37

Which blew my mind. I'm like, he just burnt his hand. He said, yeah, after I told him not to. Hold on. In my defense, did I run your hand under cold water?

SPEAKER_05 12:45

After, yes.

Josh 12:46

Okay. But looking back. Have you burnt your hand in the past 13 years by touching a grill? On purpose. Didn't you touch fire? Not on purpose. So I do. When you win. Yeah, no. There was a if you if you do this, then there's that. No, I think and looking back at it, I mean, I get why. Just my initial reaction was like, what on earth? Like he already got his consequence. But I mean, I get where you were coming from. But and again, how there are times where you do do a phenomenal job of going, hey, like you need to back off a little. You know, you you are being too aggressive. And you know, because again, as as a father, obviously we we view situations very differently, you know, from a mom to a dad. Um and we view the best path forward differently. You know, and and so I think you need to have you definitely need that balance in a household um because you're gonna see things softer. You're gonna you're gonna like tend to be more gentle. Um in a not in all aspects. And I mean, and there are some aspects where I know our kids are gonna come ask me something opposed to asking you. Because they know, okay, this is Daddy'll say yes to this. Yeah, this is anything when it comes to driving, they'll they'll ask Daddy going places, fun stuff in general.

SPEAKER_05 14:17

Wow.

Josh 14:18

You know, and you just come to me for money for comfort too. Comfort and money, okay. Um, in those moments, you know, to see it, right? Because, you know, JT is whatever, or Kayla has whatever. Right. And in that moment, like, it's like, no, this needs to be addressed. And and again, even coming from law enforcement, right? You match aggression one level higher.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

Right.

Josh 14:48

Right? You know, like Kayla's shushing JT right now as I'm trying to talk. I'm probably not gonna get up and just like punch her in the mouth. Right. But probably you're not. I'm not going to. Let's clarify that. I'm not going to. But both of you stop it. Here we go parenting on the on the podcast. But on the same hand, again, I think JT can pull your punk card a lot easier than he'll pull mine. Thousand percent. You know, because I mean you could haul off and spank him as hot since he's been like nine. How old do you think, JT, was the last time you were like not afraid, but like, I mean, there should be a healthy level of fear of mommy, you know, giving you a pow pow.

SPEAKER_05 15:36

I haven't been afraid of it since I was like eight.

Josh 15:40

And that's what I mean. Like, so so I go, we need that. We need a partner that that is gonna sit there and go. But I will say on that note, since that time, me stepping back from the I'm gonna spank you to correct, you know, to bring correction or whatever, has brought up brought up I can't even speak straight. As brought up All right. You know when you're playing with that, I can hear all the click click click click click click. No. No problem. I'm going to I'll just let Daddy know when he gets home. We'll talk to Daddy about it. Which instantly brings a whole other level.

SPEAKER_05 16:16

Yeah, especially when he worked at Castleberry.

Josh 16:18

Why? Because you'd have to wait so long for him to get home.

SPEAKER_05 16:20

Well that and he wasn't happy that he had to go work.

Josh 16:26

So I was never in a good mood when I came home, I guess. And let's shift the

Raising A Son With Standards

Josh 16:30

focus, right? Let's let's shift the focus to JT because he's 18 now, which makes you a adult. Not a man. Like, don't make me answer this question, Daddy.

SPEAKER_05 16:44

An adult.

Josh 16:45

Um and and when we look at this, like, I will be honest. I leaned way harder into discipline with JT. And and I've even told you since you were little, right? My standard for you is what in comparison to your sisters, right? Because I've always looked at JT from the time we got that that what is it, a sonogram? That's what it's called, right? Where you see the baby?

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yep.

Josh 17:13

And and they put it's a boy, and I went, I have to raise him to be a man. Right. Which I'm gonna be honest, is is very demanding. And and I don't know why I keep saying I'm gonna be honest. I every time I say it, I'm like, I'm like, are you not honest in the other two? That's what I'm gonna say. I'm not lying.

SPEAKER_05 17:28

Are you gonna say you're gonna lie?

Josh 17:32

But I go, it there's a lot that like you're not just looking at right now, you're going, he's gonna be 18, he's gonna be married one day, he's gonna have kids one day, he's gonna be He's gonna have to lead his family one day. Right, right. And if you do a bad job now, right, he his family is gonna pay for that later. Hang on, which if there's single ladies listening right now, he is 18 and eligible. Oh, stop. That's weird. It was like cringey, he's got a good head on his shoulders. It is a big oh, it's that big brain. That's all it is. It is a big head. But but looking back, JT. Extra large football helmet. How did how did the dad voice land with you? Like, how does that drill sergeant like I can I can tell you from my perspective? No, even now, because it's the same perspective. I saw it when he was eight, and it's the same look he gives me now. Like it was the same look I gave my dad.

SPEAKER_05 18:26

I I get mad.

Josh 18:28

Do you think there was ever a time though, like where you went like looking back now? Obviously, at the time, no, I know you didn't. But looking back now, do you think there's been a time where you could go like nope, that was he needed to do that. That that was the best move.

SPEAKER_05 18:46

During if I was making like a life-altering mistake, certain mistakes I've made, yes, I can see now it was worth the dad voice.

Josh 19:01

Yes, I know, I know then there was never a time where you were like, yes, this needs to happen. But like the whole smack. Not whole smack, uh thunder clap. Yeah, the thunder clap. Like, you know, at that time, I'm sure you weren't like he is really trying to help, um, opposed to what uh an almost customer there. What on earth? Yes. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Right?

SPEAKER_05 19:29

Yeah, yeah. Um when it happened, I I I just stopped listening completely. Uh because I was like, you don't get to hit me.

Josh 19:42

Now mind you, there was no permanent damage.

SPEAKER_05 19:45

Uh sorry. Bursted eardrum.

Josh 19:52

No permanent damage, though. It has sun sealed. Did I not step in there?

SPEAKER_05 19:58

No.

Josh 20:01

You're such a liar.

SPEAKER_05 20:02

No, I I I I I you don't remember you could ask him. Are you telling me what he remembers?

Josh 20:08

No, not on that one, Deb.

SPEAKER_05 20:10

This is the gas line. That one you were like, No. He needs this. You kept telling me that too. I I remember that.

Josh 20:19

And again, if you know what you're talking about. You know, if you're listening to this, you can hear we're obviously laughing about it now. Right. I mean, and and I think that's one of the things I think parents don't understand. JT, have you ever had times in your life that you've looked at me and went, I hate you? Yes. He said that so fast. I I don't doubt it. But do you hate me? No. During that time, did you? Yes. But the next day it was the next week.

SPEAKER_05 20:44

No.

Josh 20:45

Depending on the situation. Okay. I'll give you the next week. And that's one of the things I think parents miss. Right. I don't want my baby to be mad at me. JT has fr he doesn't have friends. JT has acquaintances in a lot of them. Okay, let's rephrase that. JT doesn't have friends because you don't allow him to call just people he knows friends. Right, right. Because you think a friendship is much deeper. It's a heavy word, right? It's a big weight that comes with it. Yep. But he has all of these peers his age who are into the same things, who are doing the same things, who he gets a lot of dumb ideas from.

SPEAKER_05 21:27

Like what?

Josh 21:29

Huh? Did you come up with all of your dumb ideas? Do you want me to like specifically say or it's all good. Okay. Like, was that on your own?

SPEAKER_05 21:39

Not all of them.

Josh 21:41

Um. He doesn't need me to be another one of those friends. Right. And although, and if you like, if you're listening to this and you know me and JT, you know we have uh what what I would assume, or or what I would argue a somewhat decent relationship. Yes. Yes, we're we're very close. So close that sometimes Kayla's like, hey, we're still here. Yes. But you can't parent with the fear that if you're sitting here going, if I'm an actual parent, I'm gonna lose my child.

SPEAKER_05 22:17

Like a muddy type of thing.

Josh 22:19

Like a what?

SPEAKER_05 22:19

Like a buddy type of thing.

Josh 22:21

Yeah. Like, are there times that the shepherding works better? Where it's like, we're gonna sit down, we're gonna talk through this, we're gonna work through this. Yes. I'm gonna lead by example and show you like when.

SPEAKER_05 22:37

Um I've gotten in trouble for certain things that were pretty big, and you did not freak out somehow. And Jesus it worked.

Josh 22:56

And I will say, in reference to what you're talking about, those were the times, or that was the time that I did notice the biggest change. Like again, and and this is something me and you have talked about Deb a lot, where it was like you can beat them black and blue. But it doesn't matter, right? It's not gonna change until they're ready to change.

SPEAKER_05 23:20

Right. Even when it comes to the beating, right? You'll heal. So at the end of the day, it does it doesn't do anything.

Josh 23:27

Right. But on the same hand, and and that's probably the biggest thing, you know, and and and I know I've talked about it with the kids before. I know me and you have talked about it. The purpose of a spanking isn't to hurt your child. If you're hurting your children because you're angry and you're trying to hurt something wrong, right.

SPEAKER_05 23:43

The purpose of a spanking belt with all the metal rings on it.

Josh 23:50

It was like a medieval dungeon torture chamber in our house.

SPEAKER_05 23:54

It was not. It was.

Josh 23:57

The purpose of the spanking is to immediately grab attention and stop behavior. Right. What comes after that is more important. What comes after that is sitting here going, okay, now let's work through this. Let's explain the why behind it now. Well, even now, like with the girls, I go, it's beating them wouldn't do anything. Like having sitting down and having a conversation is gonna be much much better than any for me anything than anything else. I'm gonna get the girls in just a second.

SPEAKER_05 24:26

Are you saying um because beating would do something?

Josh 24:29

Is that what you're asking for? I don't understand what's happening.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

No. You didn't say um. You did say um. I didn't mean it like in a certain way, I was thinking.

Josh 24:38

And I'm gonna get to the girls in just a second. My goal is to see if I can get tears in Kayla's eyes.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

It won't take long.

Josh 24:46

But like, like and hopefully, like you heard with JT, like yeah, there is a time and a place to be a drill sergeant. There is a time and a place to go, okay, we gotta be up here. But the most growth I've seen in JT did not come from those times. The most growth I've seen in JT came from when I went, okay, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna explode on this one. Because until he sees it, he's not gonna change it. And your relationship with JT isn't just when it's a time to correct. You guys literally do so much together, I don't think people understand how often you guys spend time together and how important it is to spend time with your kids.

SPEAKER_05 25:32

The end of just hanging out fishing, fights.

Josh 25:35

What'd you say? UFC fights fights, fishing. Last night we watched like four different I don't even know what you they weren't drag races. No, just car show videos. Dragon Ball Z working on the car the truck together. I mean, there's so much more to your relationship than just mowing the lawn. Okay. When I was little because he doesn't mow it now.

SPEAKER_05 25:56

No, I I I do mow now, but I'm talking about like who would mow together. Yeah.

Josh 26:00

You did like you just did everything together, butting around the garage and but see, and that's the other big thing. It's relationship. Right. It's not I'm just coming in, you're just coming in as a drill sergeant. Right. You know, because again, like, yeah, you can have fear and Michael Scott says it best. Is it better to be feared or love? Why not both? How's that finished?

SPEAKER_03 26:21

I want people to fear how much they love me.

SPEAKER_05 26:25

But I go to be afraid of how much they love me.

Josh 26:28

But understand if your child is only afraid of you, because the drill sergeant mode is the only mode you got. Right. What happens when they're no longer afraid of you? Because that day will come. It will. Absolutely. Not for me. Like you heard with JT. I mean, JT was probably I mean, now, even now, I think he has like in the back of his mind somewhere, uh uh still a healthy like fear, but I think it's more old now, right? I think it's which is why anytime he is like attempted to wrestle, yeah, like Oh, you pull something out of your body before you just wake up.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

I'm just trying to have fun, and he's just like trying to suffocate me.

Josh 27:11

Show him I can still choke him out. And that's why I remember I don't know, maybe two years ago, I was like, man. He said, I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to do this. He's getting pretty strong. And his technique's getting better and doing jiu-jitsu. I'm glad he I'm glad he stopped. Like, I will go tomorrow. He was starting to give me a run for my money. Like, I know he uh Americanoed me one day, and I was like, uh oh, like I know, it would take daddy a couple days to recoup. He was like, he can't be cooking.

SPEAKER_05 27:39

He called it, he said, All right, we gotta stop. After I was I was I had him in a submission. And then he told me, You didn't win because I didn't tap.

Josh 27:52

He wasn't gonna do that. It was just like Gator yesterday, who wouldn't let me pull on his rope to play tug of war, and he kept thinking he won. He did. But but that's what I mean. Like you should have had him on the podcast. Right. But I go, it it's all about that relationship. That is the the first and only key. You guys laugh together. So apparently you have to be interested. Like, let's be honest, there are together at Lowe's. There are things like JT got interested in that that weren't things I necessarily was interested in. But I had to take an interest in that fuel-injected engines Minecraft. But I have to be able to take an interest in that. I have to be able to go, yeah, I'm gonna give 15-20 minutes of my time to sit down and watch this kid build a world on Minecraft, even though I would have rather spent that 15-20 minutes watching JT build it and not YouTube, but but it was if you if you don't take an interest in them and the things that they're interested in, like how selfish of you. Well, I saw I read something the other day said eventually your kids will grow up and find you out how you are as a parent, as a spouse, as a friend. Just they'll find you out eventually. As a person? Yeah, as a person. Why'd you look at mommy like I get the comment, but why don't you look at her?

SPEAKER_05 29:15

I felt that was the biggest thing.

Josh 29:19

You'll see who they are. Like he stared at you and then went, like a person. I was saying what I read. That's how it read. Of course you were saying what you read. In an article? Wow. So now let's get to the fun

Parenting Daughters And Big Feelings

Josh 29:34

part of the podcast. Let's let's switch from JT because at the time. Look at her leg shaking. Because I go at this point, like JT can handle it. Like, I would put JT up against any adult I know and being able to have a conversation and defend his position. Absolutely. Argue anything.

unknown 29:51

No.

Josh 29:52

Not against you. He's a good one. And see, and this is why it's fun to me as a dad, right? But with all that crap he was talking about. Because I hear I hear you and Kayla. Like when you guys are going at it.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

I'd never.

Josh 30:06

JT. What is it, JT?

SPEAKER_05 30:09

They've number one, this goes for both of them.

Josh 30:13

When you say both of them, who are you talking about?

SPEAKER_05 30:15

The two of y'all. They've gone soft.

Josh 30:19

Me and Daddy.

SPEAKER_05 30:22

They don't know what to do anymore.

Josh 30:23

Daddy and I have gone soft?

SPEAKER_05 30:25

They need someone else to step in.

Josh 30:28

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_05 30:29

And he just helped them take that control. JT, you're taking that control as parents.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Try to make me feel bad about myself, which is mean to me. Well, here. No, JT literally thinks he's the co-parent parent.

Josh 30:40

But Kayla, let's start with this question. Am I softer on you two than I am on JT?

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Yes.

Josh 30:45

You gotta let Gabby talk too.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

Yes. I am letting her. She just hasn't said that.

Josh 30:49

Like a little bit or a lot of bit?

SPEAKER_03 30:50

A lot of bit.

Josh 30:52

Way more.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Especially on Gabby.

SPEAKER_04 30:55

No, I just don't do as much as you.

SPEAKER_05 31:00

Is that true? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

She's just like not as loud as me. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 31:05

So she doesn't do as much as you?

Josh 31:06

Gabby is much better at waiting till I'm not around to go.

SPEAKER_05 31:12

She is a huge crap talker. Okay.

Josh 31:14

Yes. And then the other two, like, I don't know if they go, okay, now I have leverage on her, so I'm never gonna tell daddy what what she said, or if it's I just don't care enough really to tell you guys until it's funny. Okay, but do you think because dads are often unintentionally um that doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_04 31:42

It doesn't unintentionally drill sergeant with their daughter.

Josh 31:46

Yeah, but it says dads often unintentionally deploy the drill sergeant di oh differently with their dog. Yeah. That does make sense. Yes, because when I look at Kayla and Gabby, it is much easier for me to go there weaker. Yeah. Kayla, yes, look at us like that, please. Mentally. Okay. Okay, JT. You can't be saying stuff like that. Like I can, like, it and it's always made me laugh because, like, with JT, there have been times where like I have to up my game. Yes. Right? To get a reaction out of them. With Kayla, I can stare at her long enough.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

She'll just burst into tears.

Josh 32:26

Yes, I don't even say anything, and then she's just in tears. And there have been a lot of times I think I've struggled more with you two. Um not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to do because it's so what?

SPEAKER_03 32:40

Different.

SPEAKER_04 32:41

Different?

Josh 32:41

Not different. It begins with an E.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

Emotionally charged. Oh, yeah.

Josh 32:45

No, give it a gabby because she said it first.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

Emotionally charged. Yep. I'm not.

Josh 32:49

And you can't respond to I feel with I think. And there are times that you've looked at me and been like, what why are they crying? Like, what is happening? Broken? Because what would have been like a two-minute conversation with JT. Yeah. You know, and and then it's done, and okay, now we can move past it, winds up being two days worth of conversations with sometimes it wouldn't even be a conversation with me. You would just say something and then move on. Yeah, it's just done. But I think But then with Kayla, it's like, why? And then that just like snowball. Like the other day we were talking, right? And it was like, hey, Kayla, like Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:34

Yes.

Josh 33:36

You are I'm starting to see this in you, this desire to be the like not yeah, the center of attention, this desire to be the social butterfly. And what I would have thought would have been just a simple conversation. One of those, hey, don't broke her. Turned into like, well, it didn't break her, but it turned into this, you know, two and a half hour like tear field conversation. And I'm like, what just happened to you? Like, like, I don't know, maybe 15 minutes. Or you could have looked at JT and been like, hey, don't be a dum-dum. He would have been like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Well, I wasn't even I didn't even do anything wrong at that point. That was not the thing. Yeah, I wasn't.

Josh 34:16

He wasn't even saying you did something wrong. It was, hey, as your father, I see this. And I was like, I disagree with you. You don't like it. Right. And then she immediately went, no.

SPEAKER_05 34:24

Everything is a personal attack.

Josh 34:26

Everything Okay, JT. See, look, JT made that comment.

SPEAKER_05 34:30

You're proving this point. I don't take everything as a personal attack. That is such a lie.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

Don't do that.

Josh 34:35

But you see you see what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, how do you deal with that?

unknown 34:39

You don't.

Josh 34:41

I go, like, seriously, on Gabby is much better than. Wait, with what? Having those conversations. Yes. Oh, yeah. And I think that's because, honestly, and and Debbie, I've told you this a million times.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

Oh gosh.

Josh 34:55

Dealing with Kayla is like dealing with a 16-year-old Debbie who doesn't have the maturity yet.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

Nope.

Josh 35:03

To to go, okay, here's what I'm feeling. Let me bottle that up. And let's have this conversation.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

That's so bad for you.

Josh 35:12

What is?

SPEAKER_03 35:12

Bottling your feelings up. I read about it in an article.

Josh 35:15

I do it all the time.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

See, look, look.

Josh 35:17

What's she read about it in, JT? In a book. In an article. Yep. I read an article. Like, I go, this is why. I teach them to research all the things and learn all the things. And then you use it against us. Then they research the right way, though. But this is why. Why are we teaching young girls to read? He does not mean that. Not at all. Not at all. But I would like to know. What, Gabby?

SPEAKER_04 35:48

I said I would like to know.

Josh 35:49

You would like to know what?

SPEAKER_04 35:50

Why you teach reading?

Josh 35:53

Oh my goodness. Or if we could teach it better. That's really hard. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 35:59

Me and Kayla are doing fine.

Josh 36:00

Yeah. Alright, but my college girl. And Kayla, I want you to answer first. And then you're gonna give the mic over to Gabby and let her answer. Okay, go.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Wait now? Yeah, answer. Is it weird with both me and JT being so alike, but him being a boy and me being a girl and having to deal with that?

Josh 36:20

It's not weird because you and JT, and and this is what we were talking about earlier, Kayla and JT do tend to be way, way more argumentative than Gabby. Gabby will just like put the face on, purse up the lips, and like you can see in her mind, she's like enough. If I knew what these words meant, I would argue.

unknown 36:49

I know what words mean.

Josh 36:52

This was on my crossword today. With JTA and Kayla, it is definitely you you better be prepared. Like, have all your ducks on the case. It's not a one and done. Right. Is it weird for me? No. It's not weird. How I approach it is very different. Because again, with JT more than JT. Much more. Um let me ask you as a father, do you when you look at JT or the girls, like when you're correcting them, it's because is it because there's some things you see that you have found in yourself that you go, I know how hard this will be later if this doesn't get in check now? Um, I mean there's that definitely has happened 100%. But it's it's not so much more like not all the time, just I saw this in me. I mean, I know me and JT have had a lot of conversation, even me and and the girls um have had a lot of conversations about as someone who struggles with. Like I know like JT struggles with anger. You know, I know Kayla struggles with anger, and as someone who struggles with anger, this is how I learned to fix it. I mean that's what that's what wisdom is.

SPEAKER_05 37:58

It's probably easier for him to do that to me 100%. Kayla.

Josh 38:02

Because there's so much of me. Well, you have a lot of me in you too.

SPEAKER_05 38:06

Because I'm I'm also a male.

Josh 38:08

Right. And and I know his go-to is gonna be aggression. Right. Like Kayla will go between aggression and emotion. Like, oh, crying and anger. Completely useless, sobbing. Gabby's completely still until she's not. And then it's like, well. But with with you, Kayla, do you feel like you got more of the drill sergeant or the shepherd growing up? And how did the dad voice make you feel?

SPEAKER_03 38:35

I feel like it was I feel like it was different because I feel like I I didn't really start getting in trouble with you until I was older. Like when I was little, it w for the most part, it was just mommy yelling at me. And then I hit like 11, and then apparently I started being disrespectful to mommy, and that's when you started, I started getting in trouble with you. And I would say I got more so the shepherd. And that's why I was Until the Drill Sergeant came. Yeah, that's why it was always such a culture shock when you would like start yelling at me because it was like I was not used to that.

Josh 39:10

What does that elevated voice do inside of you?

SPEAKER_03 39:13

It makes me cry.

Josh 39:14

Inside of you, like how do you know?

SPEAKER_03 39:15

So turmoil, like it makes me like I don't know what the word is, like scared, anxious. Well, I don't want to- Does it have an effect? Yes, but it makes me stop doing whatever I'm doing.

Josh 39:28

Okay, but uh when I say effect, I'm talking more like long-term effect.

SPEAKER_03 39:31

Oh yeah, because then I feel like you don't like me for the next like week and I gotta like prove my prove myself to you.

SPEAKER_05 39:38

I'm not defending anybody, but Kayla will just think somebody doesn't like her and then it just ruins everything. And nobody dislikes her. Right.

Josh 39:47

She'll She does come to these conclusions out of nowhere. Right, but like what was more impactful for you? Was it, hey, let's sit down and talk about this? Because you don't like that either.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

No, no, I'll do anything to avoid that. A conversation, the serious one. Because I get really uncomfortable. I would much rather you and please don't take this like as I'm gonna start yelling, you're gonna start yelling at me, but like I'm I'm honestly I would much rather you just yell at me real quick and then it's over rather than have a conversation because then I I I hate those.

Josh 40:18

Oh, you like turn into your s like you crawl into your own skin.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

It's different with you because you're a lot easier to deal with than daddy, but with I want you to explain that. I know how to work around mommy, like not work around her, but like No, you you said what you meant. Like like talking to her, she just talk her down. No, no, I don't talk her down, but like there's a certain mommy is a lot more. He's trying to poke the bear. He she's a lot more like inept with what I'm feeling, and she actu she cares what I'm feeling, so like if I'm feeling a certain thing, it's not a feelings aren't real sort of thing. She lets me feel like hold on, hold on.

Josh 41:03

When have I ever said feelings aren't real?

SPEAKER_03 41:06

Well, feelings aren't truth.

Josh 41:08

Okay, there we go. But I want to make sure that's correct.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

Feelings aren't truth, they don't matter, and you gotta let go of what you feel like. With yeah, he just hates me because he thinks I'm an attention seeker. Yeah.

Josh 41:20

Which I never said. I just went like, hey, like looking down the road, here's the things that I'm seeing in this is what could happen if this behavior is unchecked and stop right now. Yeah, right. It was out of concern. It did not get taken that way, I will tell you that. That turned sideways real fast. I went, oh crap. We're never gonna get to bed. Gabby, the same question, right?

SPEAKER_04 41:43

Excuse me.

Josh 41:43

So did I get the drill sergeant or what does the dad voice do to you?

SPEAKER_04 41:49

Um, I feel like I got more of like a good mix of them, though.

Josh 41:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 41:55

Not really more one than the other.

Josh 41:57

So you think I I had like a more balanced approach when I was dealing with you?

SPEAKER_04 42:01

I think they um gave you enough experience with it.

Josh 42:06

Gabby and or Kayla and J. Yeah. She's like, before I start acting saucy.

SPEAKER_04 42:11

Yes. And then the dad voice.

Josh 42:14

Um Yeah, what's what's that do?

SPEAKER_04 42:16

Scary. Um well it's not scary. Scary, are you scared of him? No, not him.

SPEAKER_05 42:22

Um So you need to step up a game?

SPEAKER_04 42:25

No, stop. Wait, I'm not done.

Josh 42:28

Let me ask this though, as she's talking about that.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

Okay.

Josh 42:31

Gabby, how have you ever been like even like spanked?

SPEAKER_04 42:35

Yeah. No, no.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

You have not been in trouble.

Josh 42:40

Oh no, she's been in trouble. Like that's a that's a definite thing. Huh?

SPEAKER_03 42:44

Once I can tell one time you were in trouble, trouble.

Josh 42:47

Um, you didn't get to ride all the way home from Palm Coast with her after twice. Yeah. Where it was, hey Gabby, look, if you don't want this, that's fine, but if you're gonna sit here and say you want it, you have to work for it.

SPEAKER_05 43:02

Yeah. She'll probably get in trouble for the Morgan Wallin shirt, too.

Josh 43:06

Oh my god. Oh, I didn't even notice that. There's that co-parenting kicking right in. Good job, JT. Why? Why? Because I like the shirt.

SPEAKER_05 43:14

Exactly what I said when I did you get it?

SPEAKER_04 43:16

The other day at Target.

Josh 43:18

This is why I don't like you guys just going shopping by yourselves. You're just letting her get like cover me up and it does not say cover, it just says long live cowgirls. Is that a song?

SPEAKER_04 43:29

Yes. Well, it's called Cowgirls. But do you know?

Josh 43:32

Okay, you don't have to sing it. Nope. She doesn't need to. It's fine. Thank you. So, so with the dad voice, like what as far as you're concerned, what what went more? Okay, was it the dad voice? Or was it the shepherding? Was it the hey, we're gonna sit, we're gonna talk about this. Like, let's work through this. Like no, not what not like what tugs on your heart strings the most. Which one? Is more effective.

SPEAKER_04 44:05

Long term. Long probably talking.

Josh 44:08

Probably talking.

SPEAKER_04 44:10

Yes, talking.

Josh 44:13

There's no right or wrong answer.

SPEAKER_04 44:15

Answer the question. Um well, I don't like lectures. Or like stuff like that, but that does help long term. Long termly is.

Knowing Each Kid As Themselves

Josh 44:31

And see, and and I think what JT just brought up is a good point. That's the other point about parenting you really need to understand. Is I don't interact with all any of the three of them the same way. Right, because they're all different. Yes. Like, you know, JT's like, oh, this is the rare time when they want to know how you feel. Gabby probably feels if we were to talk about all three of our children, Gabby definitely probably feels less. Or is let me rephrase that. Not feels less, but is guided by her feelings the least. Right. You know, and then JT, I think, is a good mix. Depending on the situation. I I think, you know, where he is is is you by the time you add maturity on to where he is, I think he's gonna be better off than I am. Um because he is more he's hit more maturity quicker than you did. Well, not just that, like he he does utilize his feelings more than than I do. And then Kayla, good god, is a roller coaster mess. Like soup sandwich. Everything's going on at once. Soup sandwich. But I do think even I know she's a lot further. I will say she's a lot further along maturity-wise in certain aspects than I was when I was 16. Like I was flipping tables and fist fighting. All right, Jesus. I don't know. What did you say? Alright, Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 45:50

It's the time.

Josh 45:54

And and I think honestly, like when we look through this, like that's the biggest takeaway. You because again, it's it's relationship. It's do you know your kids well enough? Like I knew when we were when we were thinking through this podcast, I knew, okay, I know JT's gonna be on board with it, I know Kayla's gonna be on board with it. Gabby for the most part, like I knew she would do it, but out of all three of them, I know she's the one that's gonna be like, eh, whatever. I don't care if I have the mic or not. Right. Like, you know, it really let Kayla.

SPEAKER_03 46:29

No, that's not true. She just handed me it, like it wasn't a withhold. Handed it to me.

Josh 46:33

And and I think I think that's like what? Grammar police. Yes. And dying on the inside. Grammaring is not a word. And I think but I do think that's where most of us most of us tend to miss the mark. Your your guys' mic is muted right now just because I'm I don't know if the humming's in the recording or if I'm just hearing it in my headphones. I I'm hearing something. Yeah, that's the phrase. I hear something in the back. Huh? If you have something to say, just like raise your hand or something, and I'll unmute it. I just I'm not sure if that's in the recording or not. Um I know. And listening to like all of them talk. Um some of how Judy Garland? What did she say? Sound like something from Wizard of Oz. Listening to them talk, the impact you have on them, whether you're doing your dad voice or you're lecturing or whatever. Um it's there's a direct impact. There's an impact immediately because of your relationship that you have with them. You're not just coming in from a place of I don't deal with them, I don't really hang out with them, I don't have a relationship with them. Like you know their favorite colors, you know what they like to eat. You could I know when their birthday is. You know when their birthdays are.

SPEAKER_05 47:53

Congratulations.

Josh 47:54

You could some dads don't. You could literally go somewhere, order food for all three of them exactly how they like it, without a question.

SPEAKER_05 48:02

Kayla, it's a little difficult because she wants the most weird, complicated.

Josh 48:07

She'll change it. Oh, no, just take last night, right? You know, Payla Kayla fought us on this whole pizza thing last night, right? Uh-huh. There was nothing to pick up. No, what did she do? She ate half a pizza last night.

unknown 48:18

Turn my mic on.

SPEAKER_05 48:19

She hates it. She's gonna turn my mic on. She hated every second of it.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

I no, because I was under the impression we had more food at home. I don't that you could have made the house. You could have it's dinner. You take flour.

Josh 48:33

Um, what did we have for dinner Saturday night?

SPEAKER_03 48:36

Well of a house, but that's different. That's different. And Tuesday night.

Josh 48:40

You could have made egg whites?

SPEAKER_03 48:41

I was in agony.

Josh 48:44

There's no way. You weren't. You ate stuffing your face half a pizza in agony and drank like a whole butter thing by yourself. And I'm thinking you can sleep.

SPEAKER_03 48:56

So it was your chicken, so it's called I'm glad I was sleeping.

Josh 49:00

But I was like, there wouldn't be a lot of people. Like I knew she was hungry and I knew she was gonna have like a pizza or two. Right. Right?

SPEAKER_03 49:05

But like half a pizza three. It wasn't even that good. I was just hungry.

Josh 49:12

It was good. You don't eat half a pizza and it not be good.

SPEAKER_05 49:16

Kill it.

SPEAKER_03 49:16

I wouldn't you do with I wouldn't eat like I just came off of illness. I was when I ate the dozen eggs and I got in trouble.

Josh 49:25

I was just yes, yes, the horror that we got for all week. Yes, yes, yeah. And but I think that's really honestly, I think that's what it is. Is it sitting here going, did you have something to say, baby?

SPEAKER_04 49:38

No, she just handed me the mic.

Josh 49:39

It's sitting here going like being a parent can be the hardest thing you've ever done. And there is no pain like kid pain. At all. Ever. You know, when when you see your kid either going down a path or or not listening to what you're like what you're trying to get them to understand because you know, okay, yeah, right now this may not be the biggest deal. Deal that this may not kill you instantaneously. This little bad habit you have right now that doesn't seem major in the long run at when you're 25 isn't gonna be cute. Right. And that's what I'm saying. Like, you may look at it as a parent and go, okay, whatever. You stayed out a little too late tonight. You know, you you know, you set a little white lie, you whatever the case may be, you know, okay, this is. Now you gotta eat soap, right? That's a hundred percent. Until you find out your kids like your kids like soaps, not your kids. I didn't. You know, and you're like, oh fine, we're gonna go with hot sauce. And they're like, Can I put this on my rice? But but it it's sitting here and going, like, take time, get to know your kid. Like, it I think it's very, a very easy trap for us to fall into as parents is to look at your child. Like, I can look at JTN and go, man, he's me. Like, that's just a shrunk version of me. And in a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_05 51:05

Because I'm not as tall.

Josh 51:08

Yes, because I'm known for my superhuman height. I don't have any Nephilim in me. And in a lot of ways, in a lot of ways, yeah, he is. He's very dry, he's very sarcastic, he's very like humorous. Like, he doesn't mean. He doesn't take like for the most part, he doesn't take things too seriously. Like, I can see a lot of me in him. Right. But he's not me. Right. And and some people want to live vicariously, dads wanna smell a boy. Yeah, even with Kayla, like again, I can see a lot of me in Kayla. She's very witty, she's very, again, sarcastic, she's very, very much not going to just sit there and let you believe She's aggressive. Blood. Let you believe wrongly. Correct. Like she's gonna have something to add. And when she's done, she's done. Right. But but again, you know, even with Gabby, you know, with you know, her drive to be so performance driven, and you know, her her drive as far as like athletics and stuff like that. She's very sacrificial, very, very, very much wanting to pee uh please people and so yeah, I can see emotional support. I can see myself in all three of our kids. I can see you in all three of our kids. But regardless of what we can see in our kids, we have to understand that they're not us. Right.

Discipline That Builds A Relationship

Josh 52:30

Like, just because they share a lot of traits doesn't mean that everything they're gonna do is gonna be like grounded in, okay, here's how I'm gonna do it. Right. So as we look at this drill sergeant versus shepherd thing, I think you need both. I think you need to lean less on the drill sergeant. The drill sergeant by far is the easiest way to Yeah, that should be far and few between for like attention getting. And that's all it should be is attention getting. But you have to have that whole relationship built before you do either one because it doesn't matter long term. And and something we just need to an occasional dad. But something we had decided even before we even found out you were pregnant with JT, right? Punishment is done to hurt, discipline is done to grow. Right. And we never wanted to hurt our kids. We never wanted, you know, it to get to a point where it was like you just want to kill me. Yes. Because you're never you're never gonna have complete control over them. They are their own human being. Right. And I think the more you try to have complete control, the the less amount of actual control you're gonna have. Because who wants to deal with someone like that? I know, I I mean, from I've seen many times dads that dads that try to rule with an iron fist.

SPEAKER_05 53:51

Obedience. Right.

Josh 53:52

It's literally just it's true, yeah. That's all the concern or worry is is if your child's obedient to you, you're gonna have a miserable time. You're gonna have a miserable relationship. And when that kid can go, they're gonna go. They usually do. And they may not look back. I know, I I go, even looking at my own dad, like, yes, Papa, you know, definitely aired more on the drill sergeant side than he did the shepherd side. But I go, but up until the day he passed away, I mean, yeah, he was the best man at my wedding. He was like, he was my Was he really? Yeah. And he was coming from a place where he didn't even have anything. Yeah, he didn't have a framework. He didn't have a framework to start with, right? And I go So you keep building better and better. The goal is every generation. But but I go, like, you know, that's the like I said, when there's a lot of tidbits you could have picked up throughout all of this. Number one is have a relationship with your kids. Like, have a deep relationship with your kid. No more than just like you shouldn't just know their friends' names, you should know everything about them why they're friends. You should know, like, what what is this friend fulfilling in my child's life? Like, you should know. You should not just know, okay, what games are they playing online? You should know how long are they playing these games. Why do they like these games? Sit down and play a game with them. Right. Like, you know, have that relationship with them. Have things that is just like special to them, you know. Like, I call you, like, my pet name for Debbie is Baby Doll. Right? So in text, it's like Baby Doll.

SPEAKER_05 55:36

What does that mean?

Josh 55:38

Pet name? Yeah, like a nickname. Like, yeah. Y'all are weird. Like it's a special name that like like Bubba.

SPEAKER_05 55:45

Pet name just makes me uncomfortable. He's not like come here, Bubba.

Josh 55:51

I've done that many times, actually. Good boy. Who wants a treat? But like Bubba.

SPEAKER_05 55:58

You called me and Giddy the same thing, yeah.

Josh 56:01

Yes, I slipped and said it to our dog once. Um say boy. Boy. Like you know, people used to like look at us weird because I would be like, boy, come here.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

Yep.

Josh 56:12

But like that was something special for Jess JT, you know, right? Baby girl. Like, even if I'm talking to our nieces or you know, uh another child, female child in our life, like I'll say sweetie or sweetheart or something like that. We won't call them baby girl. They are baby girl. Like they, you know, and and when I say they, obviously, I'm not talking about both of you, like you are separate individuals. And we could do a whole episode on like twins are not the same person, right? Like, but it's but it's sitting here going, it's sitting here going, have a relationship with your kid, get to know each of your kids. Understand that the drill sergeant persona, yeah, it will it it should very quickly gain attention and stop whatever is happening. It is not you, you guys have heard it from my own children, it is not the most effective tool in your toolbox. Right. Like, it is not gonna produce the the Bible even says it. The anger of man will never produce the righteousness of God. Right, right? It also tells you as a parent to to um not provoke your kids to anger. Like, if that's all you're doing is getting them angry, what change do you think is happening?

SPEAKER_02 57:27

Right.

Josh 57:27

Your kids don't need you to like JT at eight did not need to know I could beat him up. He knew I could beat him up.

SPEAKER_02 57:32

Right.

Josh 57:32

You know? Yeah, at 18, he needs to know it. Right? But but at eight, he did like that that wasn't something I needed to prove. Right. The girls don't need to look at me and go, oh, daddy can beat me up. Of course I can. They're weaklings, like with no training whatsoever. Like But your kids should know as a father, I think as a daughter, as a child, myself, obviously. Um, you guys of God. What's the I'm going somewhere with it? Kids should know that they can should be able to call their dad for whatever if there's a problem, if there's trouble. Protection. Dad should be the first one. They're like, I need to call my dad. Like, if there's a problem, yo, I'll solve it. Check out the hook, Mama DJ revolves it. Like when when Kayla forgot to start the car and then went, hey, the car's not going anywhere. And I was like, Of course not, baby. You gotta start the car. Like I thought I did it.

SPEAKER_05 58:28

And she has a license, so I thought I I thought I started the car.

SPEAKER_03 58:32

Okay, I swear I did on my life. I did.

Josh 58:34

But as soon as she FaceTimed me, I went, show me the dash again. I was like, Kayla, the car's not on. Of course, you couldn't. When everything's all black, it's not on.

SPEAKER_03 58:45

Okay.

Josh 58:47

But you know, and and once she started the car, she was fine, right? Like even like Gabby with softball, like they both wanted to talk to daddy to find out what daddy thought about how they were. They wanted to talk to daddy about what daddy thought it they were doing. No, no, no, no, no, no. It is very opposite with those two. No, no. If if there's a softball game or a volleyball game, okay? Like Gabby wants me at the game because she's gonna want to hear after the game, like, how did I do? Where can I? Kayla wants to hear it. She just doesn't want to see your face while you're telling her. Kayla misses a serve. She won't even look at you. We talked about that at the last time. You can see her, like, she's like side-eyeing, but she won't turn her head to constantly look at me because she knows the face she's gonna get. But if you're not there at the games, if she misses she does phenomenal. She no and if she misses something, she'll look at me and be like, well, whatever. But your kids need that. Your kids need like you need to withhold praise from your kids. Oh goodness. Like you do Gator. Like y'all are laughing on me. He does not withhold praise from Gator. No, he didn't the doll gets all the attention. He loves it. I go. First of all, if everything they do gets an award, what is there to work for?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:03

Right.

Josh 1:00:04

Right? Like not here, here's the thing, parents, okay? If you took nothing else away from this, not every picture is refrigerator worthy. Oh god. Okay, like some of them need to be trash can with it. That's stupid drawing your your five-year-old made. Now, yes, I have the first drawing that JT ever did hanging in our room. Yes, in a frame. You know?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:27

That was that first one. That was the first one he gave me. No, because I remember him drawing it.

Josh 1:00:32

And I mean it has some impressive cross-stitching in it. But JT could also hold his head up before we left the hospital. So I mean I could read Jacksonville at how old. Three. Anyway. And I go, but you do need to, like, you need to have a relationship with your parent with your child. You need to understand that the drill sergeant voice should only come out in the most dire of situations.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:54

Right.

Josh 1:00:55

And you know what? You you need to be there. Most of it is just being there.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:01

Right.

Josh 1:01:01

Look, I made mistakes, did I not?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:06

I'm not gonna say anything.

Josh 1:01:09

Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I went overboard sometimes. Yes, I went underboard sometimes. Like sometimes I should have handled things way more harshly than I did, and other times I shouldn't have handled it as harshly as I did. Right. One, understand your child is resilient. Like what? We're not gonna no, that's a whole other episode. Tell me all your flaws. Right. What's the worst sin you've ever committed? I want to know them all. Like how old was she when she Kayla asked that? Six or seven. I don't even think she was that old. It was like three or four. She wanted to know. Tell me all your sins. What's the worst sin you've ever committed? I want to know all of them. So there's probably background thought behind it. I'm sure there was. We just didn't know what it was. I'm sure at 16 there's not a lot of background thought behind what you did.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:51

It's like when a tumbleweed blows through the business.

The Challenge For Every Father

Josh 1:01:55

So, and I know this one was way longer than a normal one, but I wanted to make sure we got all five people's perspectives involved in this. So until next episode, here's your challenge. If you are a father, stop, have a relationship with your kids. It's never too late. Nope. Start now. Like even if you even if your kids are grown, pick up the phone. Whatever it was you guys are fighting about, it's stupid.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:20

It's done. Right?

Josh 1:02:21

Pick up the phone, call your kids, have a relationship with your kids. Love your kids, love your kids well, and understand like your goal is to be a parent. Your goal is to make sure that your kids are going to be able to function in a society when you are not around. Like that is your goal.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:40

I just had one question. Is there such a thing as a pet parent?

unknown 1:02:44

Petlet?

Josh 1:02:45

What is a pet parent?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:46

You know, where like they talk about their kids and it's a pet.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:49

And it's like their dog? No. Just like Piglet is my baby. Oh my gosh.

Josh 1:02:54

No, no, that's not a thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:55

I just wanted to clarify that.

Josh 1:02:56

If you are someone who who struggles with infertility, I'm not trying to make light at your situation, but no, your your dog or your cat is not take the place of a child. My guinea pig is. And if you're someone who chooses to not have children, whatever. Between whatever floats your boat. Like whatever. Um, but until next time, we love you, we thank you. We can't do this without you. Make sure you share, make sure you comment, whatever it is you do. And uh if you guys like having the kids on to hear their perspectives, let me know. We can have other episodes with them on there too. Yep. But we love you, we thank you, and we can't do this without you. Bye guys.