Practically Christian Podcast

How To Stop Anger From Driving The Car

Josh and Debbie

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We get honest about anger, self-control, and the split second where our reactions can either look like Jesus or miss the mark. Kyla shares what she struggles with, and we work toward simple choices that keep anger from running our lives. 
• defining self-control as emotional control in hard moments 
• tying self-control to the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 
• sorting feelings from truth and checking whether a reaction is valid 
• learning “be angry and sin not” and why anger itself is not automatically sin 
• seeing Jesus as the model for righteous anger and restraint 
• distinguishing discipline from punishment and how anger twists correction 
• using walk away, pray, apologise, and serve as practical tools 
• understanding sin as missing the mark of Jesus’ example 
• starting to confront judgment and the log-and-speck problem from Matthew 7 
So until next episode, find one thing that that makes you angry and go, hey, you know what? I’m gonna not give this power over me. That I’m gonna choose in that moment to either serve the person making me angry or pray or meditate or whatever it is, walk away. But I’m gonna choose to do something different so that anger no longer controls me.


https://www.missionsent.org/

Welcome And Meet Kyla

Josh

Hey, welcome to another episode of Practically Christian Podcast. On this episode, we are joined in-house by a new special guest. Kyla is joining us to talk about all things anger, how to deal with it, how we look at it, and tips we can use. So we can't wait to jump into it. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01

You're listening to Practically Christian Podcast. Taking all that information you got all in your brain and giving you real practical application.

Josh

Hello and welcome back to Practically Christian Podcast. Now, this episode's going to be different because I have no idea what we're talking about, and I'm joined with a new guest.

SPEAKER_00

Do I There you go? I'm sorry. Um, I'm Kyla Willow.

Josh

Man, you're just putting it all out there. Alright. So Kyla is actually one of the students here with Mission Academy, and she wants to do a podcast because she said she's bringing something new and fresh to the table.

SPEAKER_00

I don't really know if it's new and fresh exactly.

Josh

And already has second guesses. So I'm gonna let you lead and I'll just jump in. So what you got?

SPEAKER_00

So, like, I know like you did a podcast recently with Kayla, and like on that podcast she talked about something she struggled with. So I know when you were telling me stuff about like how the podcast works, like maybe you should talk about something you struggle with. Like I struggle with like probably mostly my anger and having self-control and like being judgmental towards other people. Like those are the three most things I I like I'm sure.

Josh

So kind of how kind of like the opposite of like faith, hope, and love.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. There. Got that right there. I guess. Okay. I'm I'm nervous. My bad. So like my bad. Yeah.

Josh

Alright, so what you got?

SPEAKER_00

So like where do I where do I start?

Josh

Usually at the beginning.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's that's great. Sorry. I don't I'm I'm just fixing Just understand.

Josh

Yeah. I am sure by the time your brother realizes this is out there, all of your friends will probably know it too.

What Self-Control Really Means

SPEAKER_00

Oh, 100%. So Yeah. So like I'm just sorry. Like with self-control, like most people are like, oh, self-control is like, you know, keeping your actions together. But it's like when you actually like like the re like de sorry, the definition of self-control from like when I looked it up was like is the ability to control your emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations. Like difficult situations are like that I struggle with probably is like when I'm like in an argument or like people are just being annoying in general. I have really hard time controlling my anger then, because it's like I just want to like I know you said you struggle with anger.

Josh

I do.

SPEAKER_00

Like, but you don't seem like you do sometimes.

Josh

Okay, so when we're talking about self-control, let's put it into perspective, right? So when we read through in Galatians 5, 22 through 25, Paul's going through the the fruits of the spirit, right? And and self-control is one of those nine fruits. Now that word there is ekreteria, okay. And you're a hundred percent right. When when Paul says self-control, we always do turn it into like, hey, what we do and don't do. However, what Paul is talking about there is more being in control of our emotions, okay, not just reacting in what we feel, and I would argue most, especially girls your age, that is going to be their biggest struggle because, and I know this is something even going back with Kayla, she hears all the time is let go of what you feel and hold on to what is real. Yeah. Because a lot of times, not a lot of times, Jeremiah 17 shows us that our heart is wicked and deceitful above everything. Yeah. So a lot of times we're feeling things, but if we were to really stop and just take a step back and go, okay, hold on. Is this feeling valid? Yeah. A lot of times when we start working through that, we we start to go, hmm, no, it's not. Like we we take something that that does genuinely upset us or frustrate us, but we magnify it because of what's going on on the inside. Is that what you're talking about?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. It's like self-con yeah, as I said, self-control is like a big thing I struggle with.

Josh

I also discipline.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and mic discipline.

Josh

There you go.

SPEAKER_00

Like, honestly, I have very bad impulse problems. Like it it's gotten better over the years, but I feel like it used to be worse. Like, you know, like sometimes I shout out in class instead of raising my hand, or I just say something random or stupid.

Josh

Or just giggle.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, or just giggle. Yeah, that's my that's my way of coping. Like, ugh, nervous giggle. But one of the like biggest things that stuck out to me is like there are so many good examples of self-control in the Bible, like people exhorting self-control, like Samson. Yeah, like Samson. I think I don't no, no, no, no, definitely not, definitely not. No, never mind. But like in Genesis itself, like I just finished Genesis and I'm reading Exodus currently. But it's like thank you. Um but like in Genesis 43 or 45, it's like it's Joseph, right? And he is like he could get revenge on his brothers. Like he has all the power and all the authority to just like you're all dead. But he shows like he literally sorry, I'm just Are you sure that's not Genesis 50? It it when I looked at okay, you're probably you might be right, because you have way more Bible knowledge than I do.

Josh

I'm just shooting off the top of my head here. I know 50 in Genesis 50 is where he's talking to his brothers and he goes, Oh yeah, Joseph was. Well, you meant for evil, God meant for good.

SPEAKER_00

Like, he tests his brothers though. Like, he literally he tests them for their repentance. He's like moved to tears, but he chooses to reveal his identity and show them mercy.

Josh

But I feel like one of the Is that what you do with your siblings?

SPEAKER_00

No, not at all.

Josh

You test them and then show them mercy?

Bible Examples Of Controlled Anger

SPEAKER_00

Not even close. Like, but like one of the biggest examples, and I feel like yeah, you've talked about this before in like Bible class, is Jesus. Like when Jesus was in the temple, he showed righteous anger. He you could you would probably say, Are you sure he's having self-control? Because he's knocking over tables and whipping, but if you think about it, he is showing tons of self-control. He could have just been like, boom, but you're all dead.

Josh

Absolutely. Like and and you brought up a good point, okay? When it comes exp when it comes to feelings to begin with, one, we're made in the image of God. So we're made with feelings. Now, feelings are given to us by God so that we can experience life, right? So, like, if your parents all of a sudden were like, hey, we're going on this three-day, you know, ever graverglades like excursion, you're gonna go fish and you know, wrestle alligators and and do all the fun things, you would be extremely happy, and that happiness and that joy and all of that is what makes you go, hey, this was a good trip, or this was a bad trip. Yeah, like right? So experiences are what emotions are given to us for. Now, that being said, right? Specifically dealing with anger, what we need to understand is like in Ephesians, Paul tells us to be angry and sin not. Yeah, like Jesus is angry. You're gonna get angry, people are gonna make you mad, things are going to come up in your life. It's not necessarily bad to feel those things. It's not sinful to feel those things. What we do with that is where it matters.

SPEAKER_00

I think I messed up the mic. Um is it? I can still hear you. Okay, good. But like, yeah, I was like, I literally put that in my because in my research. Because it's like there's so many good verses in the Bible that talk about like when I was first looking at it, it seemed to me that God was saying, Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't be angry at all. Like, but no, that's not like even like Ephesians 4 26. Be angry, you do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger. Or like James 1 26.

Josh

I swore someone just said that.

SPEAKER_00

Wait, you did actually. I'm not paying attention. I should be paying attention. You literally just said that. I'm sorry. I'm this is this is all new to me. It's like, oh, you say something. I'm like Alright, James 120. James 120. 20. One sec. For the anger of a man does not produce the righteousness of God. Like, that that that that was like, oh, so should I just not like not be angry? You can be angry, but what we do with that anger is what is like if you do something bad with that anger, that's that's sinful.

Josh

So what about Ephesians 6.4?

SPEAKER_00

I have no idea what that is.

Josh

That tells us, you know, going back to the the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God, right? Yeah. So for parents out there, Ephesians 6.4 says this do not provoke your children to anger, but raise them in discipline that pleases the Lord. Alright. So so again, for a parent that's listening, yeah, your kids, uh just to be candid, your kids are gonna make you madder than anyone else outside of your spouse in your life. Yeah. Because they your parents what?

SPEAKER_00

I hate getting in trouble, and I just get so mad. I mean, I like every kid does, I feel like. It's just like I don't want to be punished, so I'm mad.

Josh

That's we don't call it punishment, my house.

SPEAKER_00

No, what do you call it? Discipline. Very good. Okay, good.

Josh

What's the difference between punishment and discipline?

SPEAKER_00

Discipline is like, isn't it like you're doing this to teach, and then punishment is like you did something wrong, so like you get sent to your room or something.

Josh

So no, because that's that's a form of discipline. Okay, never mind. Alright, so discipline is discipline, you're a hundred percent right, is to teach, right? To correct an action. Punishment is to cause harm.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

Josh

Right? So we punish out of anger, we discipline out of love.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

Josh

And and that's where like there's been times with our kids, especially not ours, but mine and yeah, I don't I don't have children.

SPEAKER_00

Um that sounds silly. Of course I don't.

Josh

Where I've had to wait and calm down before I could deal with the situation because otherwise I would have killed my son long before his 18th birthday.

SPEAKER_00

Well, yeah, like you said, it's probably like that for all parents. Like one day you were like, go home and ask your dad if he's ever wanted to just like kill you. Like kind of thing, yeah, yeah. And I did. He's like, uh, no. And he he was like, I think, wow, that was a little loud. Yeah, it was. I yelled, my bad.

Josh

But yeah, Well, you don't think he was being serious when he said no?

SPEAKER_00

Oh. He was he said it in a very jokingly way, so no idea.

Josh

You've seen it in his eyes?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's it right there. I don't know. I I hope my dad isn't listening to this. And just I don't know. Never mind. My bad. Oh but it's like, yeah. Like what you're saying with the the anger prompt. Like I I said I struggle with it, but like, what exactly do like you're probably like, what exactly do you struggle with? I yelled again. God leave.

Josh

You've told me it was anger.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but okay. Um with me, it's like when someone Oh, I went away from the mic, of course. Like in a lot of situations, anger can be very destructive. Like it's uh it can hurt people, it can lead to impulsive decisions, like what I do. Um and like especially when someone is doing something really stupid, it just like I'm just like why are you doing that? But I'm sure most people are like that to me when I do stupid things, so I don't blame them. It's like it just honestly, it just makes me want to expose. Like if someone like I'm not calling out any names, and I'm not gonna do that. You know, thinking before I speak. Yeah, I know. But it's like I feel like some kids are just like they're oh, they're like banging on the table making stupid noises, yelling, and I just like hmm, and I want to like but I shouldn't, like, I shouldn't like I it's okay that I'm angry. I just shouldn't like yell at them shut up.

Josh

No, you shouldn't. No, I shouldn't. That's not a good thing. No, not at all. And let's move from that because I I I'm pretty sure everyone listening knows what it's like to struggle with with our emotions, yeah. Specifically anger. Yeah. All right. But as you are someone who is like learning how to do all of this, yeah, you know, because hopefully by the time you're my age, you you kind of have some kind of a handle on it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Josh

Not always. I mean, that's why we have cops and stuff like that.

Practical Steps To Cool Down

SPEAKER_00

But oh no, what? Oh, my bad. I was like, uh, wait.

Josh

But what are some of the things like you specifically or or people your age should be doing to maintain or have control over that?

SPEAKER_00

Like, as me, as someone who like I believe in the l in the like what the Lord says, like, I should be kind to like I shouldn't just like go off the wait.

Josh

No, you're right. I'll go.

SPEAKER_00

Go off, like, go off, like explode in anger. I should be c like I should have self-control. I should be like, like like you said, is this a valid emotion for the current time? And like even though people are mean to me, I shouldn't just be mean to them back. Like even I think it's not Romans, it's it's Matthew. I think it's Matthew. I I don't I don't remember. It's like, you know, like uh God is like, oh, give them if they slap you your right cheek, give them your left cheek. And it's Matthew. Okay, thank you. I was right.

Josh

That's the Sermon on the Mount.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. And it's like, yeah, give them your right cheek. And then like if they go if they well because like like you said, back then.

Josh

They say go with you one mile, go with you one mile, go with them two. They say give me your cloak, give them also your tunic.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. Yep.

Josh

Alright, so how do you do that?

SPEAKER_00

It's like I feel like if they're like it's kind of hard because like back the I feel it was a little it was a lot different. Because like like you said, the Roman soldiers, like they would make You said it, you you think it's a lot different? Well, it might be a lot different.

Josh

Well, I mean the Bible says there's nothing new under the sun. In fact, if you look at the issues that they were facing back then, they're the same issues we deal with now.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, well, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Um but I'm trying to think, because it's like I have something, and it's just like not coming out the right way I want it to.

Josh

Alright, so keep working through it.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Could you repeat the question?

Josh

So how do you, how do you specifically like, okay, something's happening regardless of what it is? You know, your your brother's being aggravating or or whatever the case may be, and you can feel it welling up. All right, practically, how do you handle that?

SPEAKER_00

Walk away.

Josh

All right.

SPEAKER_00

Walk away from the situation so you're not like more engaged. Okay. Or you can be kind in the back. Like don't just, yeah, like I said, don't be able to do it. Kill them with kindness. Yep, kill them with kindness.

Josh

But how do you actually do that? What's going on in your head and your heart and all of that that causes you to go, you know what? This is what I feel, this is what I want to do. It's but here's what I'm going to do instead.

SPEAKER_00

It's it's honestly Jesus. Like Jesus calls us to like I want to act like Jesus, and I don't want to just like fly off the handle. Like Jesus is such like a servant, he's so kind to everyone. He like even people like ta like the tax collector, even people that they hate it, like Jesus was kind to, even people with diseases that Jesus healed.

Josh

He healed the sick, the blind, and and so what you're what you're saying now though is when I react the way that I want to.

SPEAKER_00

It's not acting like Jesus.

Josh

Okay. And and that's what makes it a sin.

SPEAKER_00

A sin, yeah. Cause like anything that Because what is the definition of a sin? Sin is like like you said, pesto like the Greek pestoosto is missing. Oh Hamaritha, hammerita, by that. Good job. Missing the mark.

Josh

Yes, good job.

SPEAKER_00

It's like doing like you're missing the mark. Like God tells you not to do something, you don't do it, you're missing the mark.

Josh

You're not hitting the bullseye. You just and you are 100% right in all that, but you just described it even better. When we don't act like Jesus, we are missing the mark. That's why the Bible says, he who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him, that is a sin. Uh-huh. Like it's in James 2. And and what James is trying to argue there isn't sin is different depending on the person. It's you know the right thing to do. Yeah. You're failing to do the right thing, therefore you are committing a sin. Because we like to look at sin and go, oh, it's one of these Ten Commandments that we're breaking, when in actuality it's sitting here going, No, the mark of perfection is Jesus, and anything I do outside of what Jesus would do is sin.

SPEAKER_00

I literally just like I think it's it's Exodus chapter 20. I just read it and I read the Ten Commandment, like you were just saying. Yeah. I read them and I read them. I'm like, this is kind of it's like they had a ton of different rules because it, you know, it was different before like way different before Jesus. Like you couldn't well, you couldn't just like just pray to him like you do. You had to go to the temple, but you had to do a whole cleansing process before. And you couldn't even go there if you were a girl, you couldn't go there if you were unclean. You only you could sorry, my bad. You could go there. You could like you could go there, but it's like there were certain stuff.

Josh

You had to stay in the courts and in the outer courts. And only the high priest could be in the presence.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Like oh, bless you. Oh no, you s you cough nuts.

Josh

Why you gotta put my business out like that?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I just like that. I it's a instinct, I guess.

Josh

So, okay, so going back, okay, so we're looking at it and we're sitting here and we're going, alright, it's Jesus that's gonna keep me from doing this. So the one practical step you gave is hey, I'm gonna walk away. I'm gonna separate myself from the situation and then what? Because it like you walked away, that anger doesn't just immediately leave.

SPEAKER_00

Like, maybe pray. I could yeah, pray for a little bit and like God help me with this anger, please take it away. And then, like, if I did something against like my brother or whoever I'm mad at, I should go and apologize and ask for forgiveness.

Josh

But what if they did something to you?

SPEAKER_00

I don't want to be like, oh, say something.

Josh

Your sister just like slapped you, took the remote from you.

SPEAKER_00

Like ironically speaking, I have accidentally thrown a remote in Leo's face. That sounds silly. It was painful. She had a sorry, I'm getting off topic. I was tossing her the remote and it hit her in the face.

Serving Others Breaks The Spiral

Josh

But in what you you just brought up something that I do think a lot of people miss. And when you said do something nice.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Josh

It's very hard to stay mad at someone if you're doing something nice for them. If they're like So even if they wronged you, and this is what Jesus is talking about when going back to Matthew 5 and you know the Sermon on the Mount with what you were talking about, it's very hard for me to stay mad at someone if I'm going to serve them. So, okay, your brother, your sister, they do something mean to you. You do bring up a good point in doing something for them. Because at that point, I can't sit here, my brain can't rationalize these two things together. Where I'm mad, but I'm still gonna do something nice for you. So it has to pick one or the other. Now, what do we call that though? That's a conscious what?

SPEAKER_00

Decision.

Josh

Yeah, that's a choice you have to make. And I think ultimately that's where we get it wrong, is we don't realize that everything in your life, everything in your life is a choice. Yeah. Now I'm not saying you can choose to feel what you feel or don't feel, you're gonna feel it. But what you do is a choice.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Honestly, I do not apply that at all. Like when I'm arguing with my siblings, I'm just like so mad, and I'm just like, I want, I need to be right.

Josh

As someone who uh debates for a living, I will tell you, yeah, if I can get you angry, I've already won the argument.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, 100%.

Josh

Because you lose the ability to think with any kind of logic at that point.

SPEAKER_00

Like Owen just knows how to poke the bear. This sounds silly. I know it just sounds silly.

Josh

But it's like Are you calling yourself a bear?

SPEAKER_00

No. You're not let's take a I'm I'm pile of bear. But like, if I'm not in the house, there's probably not gonna be any arguing. Like, I was gone for a week and I came up.

Josh

It's like you are admitting you are the problem. Hey, I mean, if more people were still forware, I guess.

SPEAKER_00

Uh that may have been TMI. No, she wasn't even like on a week. Actually, though. Actually, I was gone for a week and there's literally no arguing.

Josh

Well, how do you know there was no arguing? You weren't there.

SPEAKER_00

Because she told me. Oh no, sorry, my sister told me.

Josh

So So you just have trust in your sister, I guess.

SPEAKER_00

Actually, no, I trust her probably more than my other two siblings.

Josh

I gotcha.

SPEAKER_00

That sounds silly, but I mean I am.

Josh

So what else do you have?

The Trap Of Being Judgmental

SPEAKER_00

Oh, for Yeah. Probably like, yeah, the judgment.

Josh

You got a couple more minutes left. You got about four minutes.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, like with like being judgmental. That's a big thing. Like, and then I was when I was doing research for it, like the first thing that comes to mind to me is the verse where it's Matthew. Oh, it's it's it's like the verse in Matthew seven, one through five.

Josh

Judge not. With the same judgment.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

Josh

Keep going. Yeah, we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, no, no. With the same judgment you've produced, you will be judged. And with that measure, you will use it you will use it to be measured to be measured to be measured to you. Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye but do not notice the log in your own eye? Like just pause for like at first I was like, oh, you have you have the all the problems and your brother literally has nothing going on. But no, if you keep reading it, it's like once you have dealt with the log in your eye, then you can help your brother with the speck in his eye.

Josh

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But it's when I first think about it, it's like it's hard for me because I I need to go Just so you know it's hard for everyone. Yeah, I'm sure. That's it. It's much easier.

Josh

It's much easier to point out what's going on in someone else. But like how you just admitted, you know, hey, I was gone for a week and the house was just happy and blissful. Probably not, but it takes a lot of work though for us as people, because then that means I'm the problem and I have to do work.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Josh

And we don't like that.

SPEAKER_00

Most of the time I don't admit I'm the problem.

Josh

No, we want someone else to be the problem. And I go, and that's where again, I think you have a lot more to offer, and we can we can have if look, if the audience like reaches out and is like, hey, I need to hear more of Kyla, we can have you back on. Because I don't want to start the judgment thing because that's gonna be a whole different show there.

SPEAKER_00

I had a lot of good stuff.

Josh

And as we do with every episode, we're we're gonna do 20 minutes? Um yeah, you're going on 23 now. So what we're gonna do at this point, like we do on every other episode. Try to end it.

SPEAKER_00

No, well, yeah, not try to end it. No, end it, end it.

Josh

We are gonna successfully end it. But we always end with a challenge. We always end with we want to challenge people to do one thing between now and our next show, because again, if you do one thing every other week, because we we release bi-weekly.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry.

Josh

That's 26 things a year that you're doing different.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry.

Josh

Yes, this one is the first one in front of a studio audience.

SPEAKER_00

There's like six people here watching me and scaring the heck out of me.

Josh

So, until next week, do you wanna do you wanna come up with a challenge or do you want me to?

SPEAKER_00

I'll try. Alright. If I fail, you do it.

Josh

So until next episode.

SPEAKER_00

Until next episode. I'm sorry. Try and I guess.

Josh

No, no, no, no. And and your dad'll love this part.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

Josh

It's do or do not. There is no try. There is no try.

SPEAKER_00

You say this all the time. Like, I I can't really think of like you probably have a lot of people. You want me to? Yeah, you do it. I'm not sure.

Josh

So until next episode, find one thing that that makes you angry and go, hey, you know what? I'm gonna not give this power over me. Okay. That I'm gonna choose in that moment to either serve the person making me angry or pray or meditate or whatever it is, walk away. But I'm gonna choose to do something different so that anger no longer controls me. Okay. So until next episode, we love you, we thank you, and we can't do this without you. Kyle, you got any goodbye you want to share? Goodbye. Any shout outs to anybody?

SPEAKER_00

Goodbye, everyone. Thanks for listening.

Josh

Everyone?

SPEAKER_00

Well, everyone.

Josh

You don't have like specific names? Um like what's that boy you always talk about in class? What's his name?

SPEAKER_00

No!