Practically Christian Podcast

Complacency Kills: Marriage, Faith, And Everyday Safety

• Josh and Debbie

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We argue that complacency, not crisis, is what erodes marriages, faith, health, and safety. From police training to family routines, we show how to replace autopilot with alert, steady awareness and small habits that change outcomes.

• complacency as the real silent killer across life
• why no task is routine and what that means at home
• color codes of awareness from white to black
• practical vigilance without anxiety or paranoia
• AI and social media as modern threats to families
• media inputs shaping beliefs, moods, and choices
• health risks built by repeated small compromises
• faith as transformation and the renewing of the mind
• breaking loops with simple habit interrupts
• finding blind spots through honest accountability

Share this episode with someone you think is being complacent


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Josh:

Welcome to Practically Christian Podcast. I know. Okay. You had something else to say? I did. So and and we're going to jump into the episode in just a second. I'll I'll go ahead and give everybody out there a heading. You're going to want to listen to this if you want to learn how to stay alive. Okay. Yep. Like that that's just understand. That's what we're going to get into. Oh, we should have played staying alive. Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk. I'm a woman's man. No time to talk. Okay, keep going. Good, because that's as far into the song as I know. But that being I have no idea. But that being said, again, I can't no what I what I was gonna say is so for those of you when you're listening to this, understand this is we don't like to do a lot of editing. Okay. So the mistakes you hear and stuff like that, like they're real. I I don't try to cut everything out. Um you might even hear a little argument, like a little thing. However, the first time we went to record this, something happened and all of a sudden the computer crashed, so we had to start over. So we were talking about something before we started, and I wasn't done, and you just went right into the intro. I I I had something else I was gonna tell you. We're gonna say. Now that doesn't mean like immediately jump in. That's all I was gonna say. All right. Well, jumping in, continue. Jumping in, okay, and and like I said, this episode is going to be how you don't die. Okay, it's how not to die. How not to die, right? The biggest killer is not heart disease, it is not smoking, right? It's not murder, homicide. Right. The biggest killer of anything is complacency. Yes. Like when when I first started in in the academy, and you, you know, because it's broke down into things, so you know, you learn legal, you learn roads, officer safety, defendant safety. No, no, no, no, that comes way later. Then you get into your scenario-based training, right? And they tell you from the time you start training, there is no such thing as a routine traffic stop. And and they tell you, like, the moment that it becomes routine, that's when you die. That's when you're gonna die. And and they beat it into you, and you're scared at first. And I remember the first traffic stop I did on uh FTO and training. What does FTO stand for? Field training. Well, technically FTO. There the F is a person, the field training officer. Yeah, technically it's field training officer, but your FTO is like, okay, you you're done with the academy, you're done with the training, like the initial training, now you're doing on-the-road training. Right, it's like on-the-job training. Yeah, so you're riding with a training officer. And like the first time I ever did a traffic stop, it was the most horrendous thing in the world. Like, it w because I was so terrified because I it was always told, like, there is no such thing as a routine traffic stop. Right. When it becomes routine is when you are gonna wind up dead. Right. And so you're walking about it. And they tell you all the stories too. Like, there was this one guy, I mean, you know, super tactical, super everything, you know, is walking up to the car, and as he's walking up, dude just shoots him through the door with a shotgun. Right. You know, so so all of this is in the back of your mind as soon as you turn those blue lights on. And that's especially when you first start. When you first start pulling people over your own. After you've done after you've done a hundred of them, you you do sit here, and I will be the first one to admit, you yeah, it becomes routine. Yeah. You know? Delta 98 Central Copy Traffic Stock. Right. And that's when it's gonna be on Florida Tag, Alpha Bravo Charlie, one, two, three. We're gonna be at Lob Lali and Howland out with one. Okay. Are you done? Are you done? That's what I'm saying. It does get to a point where it's routine. You're just gonna go to the road. You can do it in your sleep. Yes. Right. Yes. So I've had a lot of dreams where it my alarm was the backup alarm on heavy equipment. Like you have done that. Also, when we first got married, you had that whole football thing. You were playing football. Well, that's a whole nother story. Anyway, um, but that happens in real life, that happens in your job, it happens in your marriage, everything just becomes routine. You just get used to everything. Well, and that's why I started with like you want to know how not to die. Like, right, don't be complacent. Right, complacency kills. Because that's what happens. Complacency kills. Yes. And and as humans, we are creatures of comfort and habit. Yes. Comfort and habit. And like in your marriage, you know, you're married 10, 15, we've been married 21 years, 21 and a half years on Monday. Now, mind you, for those of you that go, he looks old. We got married when I was very young, too. Yes. And it is funny, people have thought that you were older than me, and that is not the case. It is not. Your hair just started getting white before mine did. Well, mine hasn't yet. And then mine fell out. So that's true. Um, but even being married, you know, you get used to everything. You get used to your morning routine, you get used to your night routine, you get used to just anniversaries. Literally. Remember our like first couple of anniversaries? You were amazing. And then like that one, okay, the one I did where it was. You made the stake, you made that beautiful card. Like Yeah, but there were like, do you remember what happened before that? Like you came in the house. All those steps to get to finding on the CD player that said hit play. Yes, and it had like steps for me to take to get to the next thing. It kind of reminded me of when Michael in the office hid the leads from everybody. He left all those messages. Yeah, I had this nice romantic. I didn't end up in the trash can. I had this nice romantic, you know, dinner planned and you had flowers and now by year 15. And we used to write each other letters every year. Um by year 15. Love letters for a couple years. I read back, I went, that did not sound like a love letter. And that sounded like uh I'm done. But yeah, by year 15, what happened? The letter stopped. Um, it was just like, oh. Happy anniversary. Uh, happy anniversary. Which is also our anniversary is my birthday. We did get married on my birthday. So Happy birthday. Happy birthday. That's gone away by the system anyway. But what happens is your brain, you have what's called your ode loop. Yes. Okay, and your odo loop is your brain word at any moment, your your brain's always trying to figure out what's coming next. Right. Right. This is why some people get surprised easily, some people don't. Right. Right? Because some people are aware of their surroundings and they don't just fall into the complacency of their o-de-loop. Right. And instead, they're constantly like, okay, looking and trying to assess the area for threats, trying to figure out like when we go to a restaurant, just for example, you know his back never faces the door. And it's been years since I've been in the military or in law enforcement or anything, but this kind of stuff is just so ingrained now. Again, you know what's funny? It it becomes the kids become used to it too, because we go places and they just everyone just kind of goes to their spot. Everybody knows daddy's gonna sit there. It doesn't matter where we go. Right. Daddy's gonna sit there, daddy's going to, you know, he's checking all the exits, and and it's funny because we, even as your family, we kind of become complacent because we have this expectation that yeah, daddy's just gonna do it. Like you walk in, we walk around not even considering. Um you know, of course, you've done some trainings with the kids and like we talked about on the last time. Um to, you know, get their get get in their own loop. But um but and that is going with that. But that is what happens. Like you just everything's just in the background. But that is honestly when emotional disconnect happens, that's when affairs happen, that's when um even complacency and parenting, you lose focus of what your kids have going on. Um that's when everything starts going south, when you just become routine, complacent. And go on autopilot. And you just go on autopilot, and you're just like boop, just just going. And honestly, if most people listening were to stop and think about it, right? That's yesterday was the same as today. Yeah. And so the same. And then, okay, oh, it's Saturday. Now the routine changes because we're not going to work, but honestly, it's the same Saturday you had last week, too.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

You know, for for some families, for you know, families your kids are playing sports, right? Right. Okay, Friday night gets here, you know what to expect. And then Saturday morning, you know, okay, here's what's here's what's gonna happen. There are days that we've gone to bed and I've looked at Josh and been like, was today Monday or Tuesday? Because it looked exactly like it did the day before. And I mean, we're again on autopilot, we're just going and moving, and it's like, did we have dinner? Did like you're not even paying attention to what's happening around you. You're just doing stuff. And in in law enforcement and in the military, right? We have these colors that are used to describe stuff like that, right? Like conditioned white, for instance, is you are totally oblivious to anything going on around you. Like you you were just in your own little world and the world is happening around you, but you're reading a book, you got headphones on, right? You know, you're at the beach, and and I and I use the beach because that's your place where you see it sometimes, right? Right. Like you'll see someone like just laying out, reading a book, headphones on, you know, orange. Completely disconnected from what's going on around them. That's called condition white. Like you have no idea what's going on around you. And then you have conditioned yellow, orange, and I'm I'm gonna stop in orange and explain that.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

Josh:

Um, orange is you're aware. Right. And you're ready to act, but you're not like fully aware. Right. Like you're like you know No, orange is where you should be at orange. Orange where you should be. Okay. You know, you're aware of what's going on around you, you're aware of your threats, you're aware of your exits, you're you have a plan. Okay, if this happens, then this, you know, you you're aware. Um then. But you're not like on edge either. Right. Right? You're you're aware, but not on edge. Is that where I'm saying is code red? Red is, you know, yeah, code red, right? We have code brown here if anyone wants to try to take a guess at what that one else is. Oh my gosh. My text message is But anyway, code red, yeah. You've identified a threat and you're actually moving in on that. Right, right. Then you have at the opposite end of white, you have code black. Code black and is you just freeze.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

Now people get to code black because they're so completely overwhelmed with the situation.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

Because they were on that casual just would you say that's where fight or flight comes in? Fight or flight would be fight or freeze. You're right. Fight, flight, or freeze. Right. Okay. I do not say it that way. It's fight or flight. That's code red. That's what I th that's fight or flight. Okay, action needs to be taken.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep.

Josh:

Code black is freeze. Okay. And and That's a danger zone. That's where that's where, yeah, everything just freezes. You don't do anything. Right. Right. All of us are on that spectrum somewhere at all times.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

Most of us, especially within the church, live in condition white, though. Yeah. Maybe yellow. Maybe yellow. Yeah, you're just like, maybe okay, there's bad things out there, but in here, it's all really well and good.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

And most of us live our life in yellow and white.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

Okay. Most of us understand that there are threats out there, but very, very, very few of us are actually in that code orange. Not really. Right. Right. And not reali realizing there are threats all around you with your at all times. In you uh with your marriage, with you as a person, you know, there's a spiritual minefield, and you can't walk around in code, I say code white. It's not code white, it's condition white. In a code white, condition white, in the You can't walk around a minefield not knowing what's going on around you. Because that's when those threats come in. That's when your marriage is infiltrated, that's when your kids are going by the wayside and you're going, Well, I had no idea. Well, and that's what you hear all the time, right? Like, I never expected this. I never thought this would happen. Right. Well, the reason you never thought it would happen was because you're in this condition white, you're in this code white.

unknown:

Right.

Josh:

You got your headphones on, you got your book in your hand, but you're not paying attention to anything going on around you either. Right. Like take AI, for instance, right? Oh boy. Oh goodness. Because I do try to live in that condition that that code orange, right? Because I try to live in that area where I I am on alert, but not frazzled.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

You know how much I use that word frazzled. But because I try to sit here and anticipate threat. Mm-hmm. AI has really caught my attention lately. It sure has. Number one, if you were a parent listening to this, here's what I need you to understand. Pay attention. Your child is using AI way more than you think they are. Oh, I'm not sure. Like way more than you think they are. Your child may even be in a relationship with AI. Okay? One, do you understand that? Two, do you know how to look for those chats in your child's phone? Oh my god, the gravity. They don't I like there are entire websites like that. Like I there are children out there right now who have an AI girlfriend, boyfriend. And there are children who have unfortunately harmed themselves because of AI. Because of this AI relationship they had that didn't go the way they thought it would. Because you know, you're talking about kids who are not mentally developed the way adults are and don't have the rationale, but they're also adults. So because I look at AI as a potential threat, what that's caused me to do over the past couple of weeks is now I'm gonna dig into that threat. Like I wanna see what that threat really is. Right. Because, and and JT and I were having this discussion the other night, I don't believe that technology is inherently evil. I mean, if it wasn't for technology, you wouldn't be watching this on YouTube, you wouldn't be listening to this on practically Christian Podcast.org or wherever you listen to podcasts, or like technology can be used for good. Absolutely, but technology can also be used for evil. Technology in and of itself is neutral. Right, you know. However, if we don't understand the threat, if we're walking around in condition white, by the time you notice it's a threat, it may be too late.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

And I go, so AI is just one of those areas. Right. Social media is another one of those areas. Like, like, are you monitoring what your kids are listening to? Are you monitoring what you're listening to?

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Being vigilant.

Josh:

Like I know a lot of people nowadays, like music, I uh you know, podcasts, stuff like that, it's background information, right? You know, you're doing a task at work, but you got your headphones in and you just kind of boom, whether it's an audiobook, a podcast, or or whatever the case may be. Right. But are you paying attention to what's actually coming into your brain? Right. Because, you know, Jesus would say it like this in in Matthew, the eyes are the window to the soul. Whatever the eyes take in, you know, in fact, I don't wanna I don't wanna mess it up. Mess it up that badly, right? So let's go ahead and using technology, let's look that back up. Because I know that was not what it was. So in Matthew 6, 22, Jesus says this the eye is the lamp of the body. If your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light. This means the focus, your eyes determine the light, the goodness of spirituality in your life, right? You know, what you bring in, my mom would say, garbage in, garbage out, right? What you're bringing in matters. It does. And if if it's just background noise, you're still listening to it. You are. You may not be cognizant of that, yes, but it's still coming in. This morning, on the way home from the gym, a song came on the radio that I have not listened to in probably 20 years. I knew every word to that song because things stick with you. Right. And I was like, whoa. I didn't even realize what I knew when it came to that song. And I think, I mean, as parents, you have to be aware of what your kids are taking in, because what they're taking in, they'll never not know. Right. Like, and and and and granted, we I don't know, are blessed if you want to look at it that way, you know, because we are teachers and we're surrounded by kids, you know. We know the lingo, which always kooks my kids out. Um, you know, so you do hear more. And and I'm gonna tell you, parents would be shocked if you knew what your kids were really like even on platforms like YouTube, right? Where yeah, there are guidelines to what you can post. Yeah, sure. Um, um, in comparison to other websites. What I'm saying though, even with those guidelines, there's still area there are still areas where it's like, whoa, I didn't even know they could watch that on ear. Right. And it's not always presented in such a negative way. Um, as a wife, I have to be cautious when I'm watching the music I'm listening to, the people I'm listening to, because what I'm taking in is gonna impact my relationship with you. Right. And I'm pretty good about being like, I don't care what people have to say, and I don't, but listen to something enough and it's going to impact you. Yeah. It'll eventually become truth. Yep. And and you will eventually start to build your worldview out of it. Right. And that's why you have to be careful. Like, even when it comes to music and stuff like that, right? Um I have to be very careful because I know what my heart is drawn to. The late 90s, early 2000s, like man, the music was just so much better. But when you really stop, and I love like there's a lot of shorts that that I can get sucked into really quick. When it's you realize what the lyrics are actually saying. That happened the other day. I was watching something and I was like, oh. Oh, I was 13 singing that. Had no business singing that song. But yeah, you know, at the time it was just catchy and it was it was a fun song to sing. I know every word if it comes on, though. It was a popular one. Now my brain is never gonna be able to listen to some of those songs again because I'm like, oh I no, I can't listen to that now. Sometimes you just feel dirty, right? Yeah, just yep. And and I go, but here's the thing is when we normalize it, because I listen to the song a thousand times. Right. It's not that bad. It's all of a sudden not that bad. Right. You know, although listening to that song this morning, I went to the bottom. But again, I can't live, I wouldn't even listen to this by myself. Like in front of the kids, it was But think about it, right? Like when we start going, okay, it's not that bad, we start dropping down from condition or you know, color code orange to code yellow, to code white, right? And it it's just oh, okay, here, here we go. And even in the busyness and tiredness of being a parent or being a spouse, that's a very dangerous place to be. Yeah. You know, I could get sucked into to loops. I know you can get sucked into loops. Our our kids do the same thing. Right. You know, and if we're not paying attention and being vi vigilant in our marriage, not excusing anybody's poor behavior at all. But you yourself have to be vigilant and know that you're doing everything you possibly can. But I mean we know we haven't. Right. There have been times in our marriage where you were like going back now and go and you go, Yeah, I was complacent.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. Yeah.

Josh:

You know, it's not that I didn't care. No, no. It was just I was complacent. Right, right. We got a little comfortable and it was like, Well, we got we gotta stir. The pot, something's gotta and that's why I started with if you want to know how not to die, complacency with what kills. Right. Like even if we look at something like heart, like heart disease, right? Diabetes. Diabetes. Um leading cause of death in America is heart attack. Is it we're gonna find out the leading cause of death in the US is consistently heart disease. Makes sense. Let me ask you though. The great American diet. I and that's what I was gonna say. When it comes to heart disease, okay, since this is the leading cause of death. Is it something I know some of it is genetic? Sure. Right? However, the vast majority of it is probably not genetic. It's over the course of A supper and a sack. Years. Yeah. It's a supper and a sack. You've built up 99 cent heart attack. It's smoking, it's drinking in excess, it's you know, all of this over years, it's complacency.

SPEAKER_01:

Right.

Josh:

At the end of the day. It is. Because over the course of years, you had plenty of chances to go, I'm gonna change my body. I'm gonna change my. I'm gonna exercise, I'm gonna work out more, I'm going to work less, I'm going to relax more, I'm gonna put down the tablet, I'm gonna put I'm gonna read a book, I'm gonna get up get off the TV. Right. Um And that's what I'm talking about when it comes to complacency. Right. Because we have a routine, right? Like I can tell you right now, before I even leave work, here's what's gonna happen. The rest of the day. The rest of the day. There's not a I didn't know what was gonna happen. And it's very complacent. It's very, hey, like at the end of the day, I'm tired mentally, I'm drained, I'm stressed, I'm all of this. I just want to go home. I want to lay down. Yeah. And you gotta switch things up a little bit. You gotta throw a little pop rock in there. And like we've talked about before I have to force myself sometimes to do that. Yeah, absolutely. Even though I know, okay, like, hey, going out on the boat is going to be the most beneficial thing for me. You literally, it's almost like you fight it sometimes. Oh, but then I gotta go hook the boat up, I gotta drive all the way out to the coast, I gotta put the boat in the water, then I gotta, you know, come home. Even though you're gonna love it. Right, but because of complacency, you're like, I'd rather just I'll just sit here because I'm not miserable. Because I'm seeing how stress is building up and becoming a threat. Right. Where I can see the stress building up in you, and I'm like, no, for the love of God, go fishing. Like, get out on the water. Right. And and and vice versa, you're like, go for a drive, go listen to some music, like go decompress. And that is where, like, that that's where I'm going with like with complacency. It's sitting here going, complacency is what ultimately is going to kill. Even how you talk to your spouse when you get home, like usually it's the same thing, come home, you know, and we work together every day for the last whatever seven years. Um but even before, like, you know, you can come home, give me you come home, give me a kiss, you know. It was literally the kit, you would go sit down, the kit you would get on the computer to do work, the kids would, and it was just the same thing every day. So when you would come home and be like, come on, pack the kids up, we're gonna go on the go to the beach. Right. I was like, What? It was almost uncomfortable. And at time sorry. You can move the mic. I know. I I just feel like I'm gonna move it the wrong way. At times it would bother me because I was so used to being in my routine that I went, what when you stop being a cop? Oh, it was hard. It took me almost a year to Oh, day one for me. I was like, Day one, Josh was like, Yes, I'm home. I'm um you know, I'm here, and I was like, I have a routine I have going on, and you just messed it up. That was hard. But again, it it's that's what we're talking about, that whole route, and and I'm not like routine is good. You need routine. When we're talking about routine and complacency, I'm not saying like every morning I can tell you I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna brush my teeth, well you're gonna grumble do the bathroom thing. Wake up, grumble, and then I'm gonna get dressed, make it no, even before I get dressed, I'm gonna make the bed, then I'm gonna get dressed, then like, okay, like it. Even before I leave, okay, I'm gonna check all my pockets, I'm gonna like I'm gonna make sure. Yep. Yeah. Like the head, shoulders, knees, and toes, it's whatever. Well, I mean, and it's been the same since Oh, geez, you know, 20 years ago, where it's like, okay, you know, dip keys wallet phone, let's go. No, it's gum keys wallet phone. You know, and and I go, yep, the fridge just kicked on. So you're gonna hear a humming in the background. I do apologize. No, you will. Oh, you do hear it? No. And I apologize for that. The the mini fridge in the office just kicked on. Got to have my snacks. But but it's complacency that ultimately leads to death. And and sometimes you just you gotta do something different. Right. I say I preach this all the time, right? You want different in your life, you have to do different. Even something the input never changes, the output will not. Something as simple as I learned it from you. When soon as you get home, change your clothes. Yes. Get out of the I'm in work mode. Yep. And I've I've told a lot of people that ooh, excuse me. I've told a lot of people that, and they've told me that was transformative. Just being able to go home, change into their, I always say getting some comfy clothes, and now you're out of work mode. Because if you don't do something to change, you're gonna stay in that same mindset. And that's where honestly, even if you look at the gospel, right, the entire message of the gospel isn't to take you and make you better. No. It's to give you a new life. Right. It says transform you. 2 Corinthians 5, 17, 16, somewhere in there, says that the behold, the old has passed away, the new has come. Right. You can't be complacent in your walk with Christ. But your mindset has to change. Be transformed by the Romans. The renewing of your mind, Romans 12, 2. Yep. And I go, but complacency will always lead to death. Right. Always. Absolutely. As soon as you go, I got this. Yep. You need to realize pride come before the fall. Yep. And that fall hurts. So until next episode, what is it in your life? Scan through your life. What is it that you're complacent in? Are you complacent in your marriage? Are you complacent in your parenting? Are you complacent in your job? Are you complacent in your life? What are your blind spots? Walk with Christ. Yes. What are those? And I would recommend since you just brought up blind spots. Have somebody else? I was just gonna say you need to have somebody else that you trust go, hey, tell me. I do that even with you. I do it with the kids, and I go, tell me, because I may not see what you're saying. Hence why it's called a blind spot. Right. But some people are too prideful and arrogant to have somebody. I'm not gonna have somebody tell me my blind spot. Well, dummy, that's why it's a blind spot. And make sure someone close enough to you that loves you enough to be honest with you. Right. Not no, you're good, you're good. No, you may not be good. Like Debbie stopped asking, Do I look fat in this? That's a terrible, terrible example. What is wrong with you? I go, because I love her enough that even though I didn't think she did, I knew how she would perceive what she was looking like. If you went, that's not the best outfit on you. Like you look like a box of cereal, like or a refrigerator. That is which is what Debbie always tells me, right? Like, why would you let me wear this out? Like I saw a picture and I looked like a refrigerator. Although I will say I have daughters, because they will they will quickly tell you, you're not wearing that, are you? And some other story. But I go, you need that. Yeah, you do. Like because I would go, if I'm going out and I look stupid, I'm gonna be ticked off at you. And that's a whole other conversation. But I go, you need that in life. You need someone who loves you enough to go, that's a blind spot for you. Right. Is it patience? Is it your pride? Is it your job? What is it that's causing you to be complacent? Um, to ignore the things that really need your time and importance. And that's your ch that's your challenge, right? Sit down, get a piece of paper, get a friend, get a spouse, get a whoever, right, and and go, where am I being complacent? How can I not be complacent in that area? Because if you don't find your blind spot, the enemy already knows where it is, and he's going to use that against you, your spouse, your children, your job. Yep. It it's coming for you. You just need to be aware. So until next episode, share this episode with someone you think is being complacent. Let me be the one to tell them stop being complacent. You don't even have to have the awkward conversation. Don't wear that outfit. Yep. So until next time, we love you. We thank you. Can't do this without you.

Head Shot

Debbie

Host
Head Shot

Josh

Host