Practically Christian Podcast

Why Small, Awkward Chats Create Strong Parent–Child Bonds

• Josh and Debbie

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Ever wish your kid would open up without the eye rolls and shutdowns? We sat down with Josh’s 15-year-old daughter, Kayla, for an unfiltered conversation about what actually helps teens talk, think, and grow when the room feels awkward and the stakes feel high. No scripts, no big speeches—just the daily habit of honest questions, listening for meaning, and pushing past “because I said so.”

We explore how teaching the why behind the how builds real confidence. Kayla shares what it’s like to be nudged into uncomfortable moments—ordering for herself, facing social anxiety, stepping on stage—and how anchoring her choices to faith changes the pressure. We unpack the power of words like friend and love, why definitions matter in a world of likes and follows, and how sharpening those meanings helps teens choose wiser relationships and stand firm when emotions surge.

There’s also a frank look at different strengths parents bring. Nurture and space to vent often come from mom, while dad presses into accountability, clarity, and action. When a family names and values both, teens learn to seek comfort without dodging challenge and to accept challenge without losing connection. That mix is how a home becomes a training ground for adulthood: fewer lectures, more questions; fewer grand moments, more faithful reps.

If you’re a parent hoping for deeper talks, let this be your cue to start small tonight. Ask one real question. Listen longer than feels natural. Then ask why, gently, one more time. Subscribe for more candid conversations on faith, family, and practical wisdom, share this with a parent who needs courage for awkward chats, and leave a review with your best question for starting a meaningful talk.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey, it's Josh. And on today's episode, do you ever struggle to talk with your kid? Do you ever struggle with what you guys should be talking about or how it should be looking? If so, this is gonna be a good one for you. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01:

Taking all that information, you got all in your practically application.

SPEAKER_00:

I thought you said you were ready.

SPEAKER_02:

What happened?

SPEAKER_00:

All right. Well, welcome to another episode of Practically Christian Podcast. I am joined in studio today with a new guest co-host. Debbie, I'm not replacing you. I know we had that conversation. But who am I with?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh Kayla.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow, that was super descriptive there.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh your daughter, Kayla.

SPEAKER_00:

Which daughter, though?

SPEAKER_02:

The tall one.

SPEAKER_00:

Tall twin? Yeah, big twin. Big twin, that's what it was. Yes. Alright. So it I am in studio with my daughter, um, who is currently how old?

SPEAKER_02:

15.

SPEAKER_00:

And I know you hear me and Debbie talk about our kids a lot, but it it's not often that you hear from our kids. Why do you think that is, Caleb? Is it because I don't love you and value your opinion?

SPEAKER_02:

No, because you so you No, I don't love you.

SPEAKER_00:

When don't I?

SPEAKER_02:

When our opinions are stupid. Or when you disagree with them.

SPEAKER_00:

So when I disagree with them or when they're stupid? Yes?

SPEAKER_02:

You would yeah, you would call them stupid, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Do I do I call your opinion stupid a lot?

SPEAKER_02:

Like half and half.

SPEAKER_00:

Half and half?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you think I'm wrong for that?

SPEAKER_02:

Um I think you're entitled to that opinion, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm entitled to that opinion. Do I not?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, not entitled, but like.

SPEAKER_00:

How often? Like I go, how often am I like, Kayleigh, your opinion's stupid?

SPEAKER_02:

A lot. More often than not, like in the car and stuff. Okay, maybe I have some work to do as but okay, but I understand because a lot of times it is stupid.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, so for those of you listening, here's here's what happens. I never like have a huge plan on what like I have a big like overview of what we're gonna talk about on on a podcast episode. Um but but I like it being just raw and uncensored and and going, hey, like this is everyday life, like because it's practically Christian, right? Like this is the practicalities of being a Christian and how it plays out. So is this a conversation that we would normally have?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, so this isn't something like have we had this conversation before?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't I don't know what conversation we're about to have though.

SPEAKER_00:

This conversation that we're having right now, but your opinions. Oh, yeah. Yes, we do. Okay, so that's something we we have a lot? Yes. Alright. Why do you think I have conversations like that with you? As as your dad, why do you think this would be something where I'd be like, hey, I want to sit down and I want to hear what you have to say about this?

SPEAKER_02:

So I don't grow up to be very shifty with my thoughts, be named.

SPEAKER_00:

You are a shifty kind of person.

SPEAKER_02:

That I don't like, I'm not easily led by other people that I can have a thought and stick to that thought even when other people tell me things.

SPEAKER_00:

And I love that you're looking at me in the eyes when we're talking. I know that's I know that's something new for you too. But if you're gonna do that, what do you have to do with the mic?

SPEAKER_02:

Move the mic a little bit.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Yeah, that looks like an incredibly uncomfortable position.

SPEAKER_02:

Hold up, hold up. Alright, that's better.

SPEAKER_00:

That's better?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And I go, and we have conversations like this, yes, for all of those reasons you just said, right? Because like my job as a parent is what?

SPEAKER_02:

To lead us to be high functioning adults.

SPEAKER_00:

So that when you leave our house, you're gonna be able to function in this world, right? Like, yes. You know, so so having conversations like this is something that happens quite regularly in our house. I mean, we we do we laugh and joke a lot?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright. But we also have those times where it's like, hold on, we're gonna have this weird, unfortunately, yes. Awkward.

SPEAKER_02:

Awkward.

SPEAKER_00:

Do we have awkward conversations?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. A lot.

SPEAKER_00:

A lot?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, sometimes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Are they awkward for both of us?

SPEAKER_02:

No. Just for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Just for you? Just for me. Alright, pull the mic.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. There you go.

SPEAKER_00:

There you go. But but talk. Talk. Talk? Okay. You see how much clearer you sound now?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_00:

Our audience will thank you for that. Yes, we have these uncomfortable and awkward conversations because I go, I want you to what?

SPEAKER_02:

Be able to think through what you're supposed to think through. Like your what you feel. Not be led by what you feel.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that a hard one for you? Yes. Out of all of my children, who struggles with that the most?

SPEAKER_02:

Me.

SPEAKER_00:

Like not even close?

SPEAKER_02:

Not even close. Not at all.

SPEAKER_00:

And and yeah, it's to sit here and go, like, hey, I want you to be able to perform at a certain level when you leave. And that's why, like, when we were having this conversation, the the one thing I will give Kayla above most of the kids I know is is I don't know if it's a processing disorder, but like Kayla.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a mean.

SPEAKER_00:

Kayla lacks the filter to see like social cues and and things like that. And so when she gives you an answer, like, yeah, like we have these kind of conversations, like you can hear the uncomfortableness in your voice right now. And I go, but that's not always a bad thing. Do I ever put you in situations where I purposely make you uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Like when you make me go up and ask people things, like when you're a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00:

No, because asking a server for a drink.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00:

But why? Why don't you like that?

SPEAKER_02:

Why just I sometimes I feel like I'm a very awkward person. And everybody else knows I'm awkward. And they just look at me like, oh yeah, that's the awkward girl.

SPEAKER_00:

Have you always felt like that? Or has that just been like as you've been getting older? No, because when you were littler, I have plenty of videos where it does not look like you're like, I feel awkward.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I don't feel awkward with you guys or like people I've known for more than like a year, but like ever like as long as I can remember when I'm looking at people I don't know, I'm like, I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to that's awkward to me.

SPEAKER_00:

And yet this is still you're you're you're that girl though that grabs her guitar and goes up on stage and plays in front of everyone. Right?

SPEAKER_02:

That's also awkward for me, but I still do it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's awkward for you? Yes. So why do you still do it then?

SPEAKER_02:

Because it's for Jesus and not for other people.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a good answer. Thank you. Is that really what you believe? Yes, it is what I believe. Is that just your trained?

SPEAKER_02:

I am a pastor's daughter, so that's how I get through to the awkwardness, because it's like, well, it doesn't matter what they think in the end. They can't send me anywhere.

SPEAKER_00:

I could send you to military school.

SPEAKER_02:

Please don't.

SPEAKER_00:

But but see, if if you're not willing as a parent, though, to have those kind of weird and awkward conversations, then I really do believe you're failing your own children. Because with your friends, and you and you do not use anyone's name, but with your friends when you tell them about things like that, like we had this conversation, or this happened, or that happened, what is normally their response?

SPEAKER_02:

You talk to your parents? Like you guys like that's a response? That's a response I get a lot is oh you you just sit there and talk to them, and it's like, yeah. I don't have like a lot of friends I tell about or uh acquaintances that I tell about. Whoa, why'd you use the word acquaintance? Because I don't have friends, because your term of your definition of friends is very different than other people's.

SPEAKER_00:

What's my definition?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh somebody who's closer than a sibling would be.

SPEAKER_00:

Where do I get that from though?

SPEAKER_02:

The Bible.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, because Jesus goes, I now no longer call you disciples, but I call you my friends. Jesus goes, Greater love has no man than to lay down his life for a friend. And I I really do believe that that is a term, just like we were talking about love the other day, right? We we pass around love and it really has no meaning. And especially once social media hit, that word friend really went out the window.

SPEAKER_02:

Like when I get to sit there and listen to my dad tell everybody at church, oh yeah, my kids don't have friends. They have acquaintances.

SPEAKER_00:

They have people they know and hang out with and talk to, and yeah, some of you would refer to those as friends, but but I I really went, no, like these are the things that are important that I want my children to definitely have a full grasp of and sit here and go, when I use this word, it I want to make sure you feel the weight of that word, because I think too often it's too easy to be just a friend in word only. Be the same thing as you know, we we saw a couple of weeks ago in Romans 15, you know, be a Christian in word and deed, you know, and and and we we throw around these words sometimes like Christian and friend and all of that, and it has no meaning in it because our our sacrifice and our desire is not to meet these words, right? But when so like you seriously, like the people you're talking you're you're thinking about right now, they're they're sitting here going, wait, you actually talk to your parents that that's odd for them?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, not that I talked gen just talk to my parents, but that we talk about things that are bigger than surface level, like what you did today or what you ate or all that type of stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

What happens? What happens when when you are trying to tell me those little details? Do I listen?

SPEAKER_02:

You're like, mm-hmm. Yeah. That was cool. I don't I don't know. I think you personally, I think you are very much inclined that if you're going to have a conversation, it's gonna have some sort of meaning to it, or it's a waste of time. Or it's a waste of time, but me and mommy are not like that. We will talk just to talk.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're saying there's a difference between our relationship, mine and yours, and yours and mommy's?

SPEAKER_02:

I would say so, yeah. Like a big difference, like it's huge or like not in a difference as in like um like a better or worse difference, more so like it's just it's very different. Like I wouldn't hang out with you the way I would hang out with mommy. Like how type of stuff. Like how? I wouldn't one, me and mommy definitely wouldn't do a podcast. That would not turn out well.

SPEAKER_00:

Um because it would just be a bunch of crying and feelings.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, it would be like a normal podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Um that would probably get a lot more views. Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

I probably wouldn't take you to Target. You take mommy to Target? Or Starbucks or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Why? I've taken you to Eliano's before.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, and it was the highlight of my year.

SPEAKER_00:

And what did I do? I rolled down your window and handed. You made me order.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And it was I did not like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Mommy doesn't do that?

SPEAKER_02:

No, mommy does not do that. She orders for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, don't do that in this part. Alright, so so there is a a difference in the relationship, is is what you're saying. Yes. Do you and and you said it's not a good or a bad difference, it's just a difference? Yes. Alright, so do you think that that's by design?

SPEAKER_02:

Like like God's design?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure, we can start there.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you mean as in like a personal thing or like a father's relationship with his daughter is a different relationship than a mother's inner daughter?

SPEAKER_00:

How how would you answer that? Either one?

SPEAKER_02:

I would say, um uh yes and no. I I do feel like there is pick a side. No, because it's a loaded question.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I do feel like there's Oh, questions are a loaded question.

SPEAKER_02:

Unload the question.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, people can't see your hand movements, right?

SPEAKER_02:

You can.

SPEAKER_00:

But that's what I'm saying. How would you answer that?

SPEAKER_02:

I would answer it. I do feel like there is a difference. Mothers, I feel like, are more are supposed to be more nurturing and um sweet and nice and all that. And dads are supposed to be a little more disciplinary and they need to lead their children, and you take more of a leadership role in my life than mommy does. Not that I don't listen to mommy, I do listen to her, but Oh, you had to correct that real quick.

SPEAKER_00:

Just in case mom just in case mommy listens all the way through the podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. I do feel like with you it's a lot more um advice and ways I can fix not fix myself, but yeah, kind of fix myself. And with mommy, I can just kind of talk to her and she just tell her stuff and she won't be like, well, this is where you messed up, this is why this turned out this way. And she'll just she'll let me complain.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I mean, I agree with you. I I definitely see that there's a huge difference there. Um do you think that's by design, by God's design?

SPEAKER_02:

I do think that, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you like, you know, that you can see the difference between a mom and a dad?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. There's a twice now.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't do that into the microphone. That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_02:

I forget I have a microphone in front of me.

SPEAKER_00:

No one out there wants to hear you going. Um, hold on. Was that me trying to fix you again? And I go, but again, if you're a a parent, like honestly, I wish I could sit here. Like, did you have any idea what we were gonna talk about? Did you even know why you were coming in here?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I thought I was have to take out those bags.

SPEAKER_00:

So you thought I was just calling you over, hey, I need you to do some work? Yes. You know, because because you were in a different room here at at the facility, at the church, school, whatever you want to call it. And I had texted, I was like, hey, what are you doing? You were sitting with mommy, I was like, Are you busy? And you went, No, I was like, Well, come here. So you thought I was calling you over to do work. Yes. So this is not something we have discussed beforehand, right?

SPEAKER_02:

I was not prepared, no.

SPEAKER_00:

But I know you've asked multiple times, can I do a podcast? And and I went, yeah, like let's go. I I really do value like Kayla's opinion and in in and thought process because she does see the world a little different than most people I know. Um but again, if you're a parent listening to this, this is not this may sound awkward and and all of that, but this isn't very different than if we were just hanging out at the house talking. It it normally doesn't start with a huge, like hey, we need to have a formal meeting.

SPEAKER_02:

It usually is something small that leads into a not even a formal meeting, but a a talking to.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, but when you say a talking to, is that like a bad like talking to? No, like you're in trouble and No.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not I wouldn't say we're even in trouble that often.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you get in trouble often?

SPEAKER_02:

No, not really. I'm a really good kid.

SPEAKER_00:

There's no one, right? Just no, not one. No one does. No one does. There you go.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I do know that.

SPEAKER_00:

But I go But I go, as a parent, are you taking those opportunities? And and obviously I'm not talking to you.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you asking me? A piglet doesn't talk to me like this.

SPEAKER_00:

Um I hear him every time you open your door. That's her guinea pig, for those of you that don't know. Um and now she claims he doesn't talk to her, but every other time it's how much he loves her. Um he just doesn't talk. No, no, no, no. I was talking to parents listening. Um are you taking advantage of that? Like just in the everyday, day in, day out. Because honestly, that's where life is lived in the day in, day out. Like, we always think we want these big, huge moments because we're trained, if you really think about it, by society to expect these big moments, right? Think about movies.

SPEAKER_02:

That's what I was about to say.

SPEAKER_00:

Right?

SPEAKER_02:

What like those Hallmark movies where it's like everybody's watching you as you do this big, giant, super duper big thing.

SPEAKER_00:

And well, not even Hallmark movies, right? But isn't that the plot to every movie you've ever seen? You have build-up, you have climax, and then you have uh resolve, right?

SPEAKER_02:

That's the plot to any good story, though.

SPEAKER_00:

And I go in that but I think a lot of times we try to apply that to our lives, right? We want that big light bulb moment where you like, I don't know, yell at your kid or ground your kid, or or you disciplining your kid, or you're talking to your kid, and you're like breaking down in tears, and they the light finally goes off. And I go, how many of you listening to this did that happen to you? Like where your parents were just like really laying into you, and you were like, Oh, I see the error of my ways.

SPEAKER_02:

Every time.

SPEAKER_00:

But but we don't like we expect that out of our kids, and I go, but most of the time it's just the faithful grinding of day in, day out, day in, day out. Like, it's it's sitting here going, you know what? Like, these conversations are gonna come up because I have a relationship with my child. Like, are you ever afraid to like come say something?

SPEAKER_02:

And that is what I was talking about. Like, earlier when you asked me what my acquaintances think when I tell them about my stories, I see a lot of a lot of people or children I know, because I don't really talk to adults. Thank God they're not really, they don't have any sort of relationship with their parents. Like it's more so Outside of a parent.

SPEAKER_00:

Outside of like parent-child relationship, like a normal parent-child relationship, like and that and that's what really what I was trying to drive at with all of that was like sitting here going the Bible tells us over and over and over, not necessarily specifics of how to parent. I mean, it does say spare the rod, spoil the child. Uh you you you read through the book of Proverbs, and and it starts with Solomon writing to his son and going, listen to my words. Like, what's the face for?

SPEAKER_02:

I thought he was writing to his wife or something. No, no, no, that's the other one, the weirder one, yeah. Song of Solomon? Yeah, that one weird. That's what's a beautiful thing. It's not.

SPEAKER_00:

What?

SPEAKER_02:

I was confused.

SPEAKER_00:

But no, and that's what he's saying. Like, hear my words, like listen to my wisdom, because again, your goal as a parent should be for your kids to be better than you were. It should be to go, hey, like, take all of these mistakes I've made, don't do these things. Because I I know how these affected my life, and why would I want that for my child?

SPEAKER_02:

Like, how's that working out?

SPEAKER_00:

For me so far? No, for your children. Two out of three ain't doing bad, like you know.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm one of those.

SPEAKER_00:

Are you? But I go, it it's have fun with your kids. Talk to them, like understand you only get them a little bit. You know, like you're you're 15, you're gonna be 16 here shortly, and we'll not be driving. No, you definitely won't be driving, but at least two years, you know, you at that point have the legal ability to go, that's it, I'm out. I don't want that legal ability to take the city bus to the train station and figure out where you're gonna go. But but I go, but that's such a short period of time when you really stop and think about life. And and I go, yeah, we have a lot of these awkward, funny conversations that that really have a lot of depth to them. And and you guys literally just heard one. Like, and that is how easy it goes. And and then tomorrow it may be something completely and totally different, and you know, the day after, there might not even be an awkward conversation, it might just be a lot of laughing and playing and and joking and and then the next day might have another conversation, but that's how it should be. If you're teaching your kid that the only reason they should do stuff is because you told them to, I think you're like if you've heard even during with this little conversation me and Kayla just had, how many times did I go, but why? Why? Why? Because if you can explain the why, everything else eventually will fall into place. Kayla is the way she is because she's heard, but why? Over. Why don't you like that?

SPEAKER_02:

Because I don't like having to make a split-second decision or to explain myself.

SPEAKER_00:

But are there gonna be times in life that you're gonna have to? Yeah, but and if you want people to get on your mission and you want people to like follow and you want to be able to lead, the biggest thing is is can you explain to them the why behind the how?

SPEAKER_02:

That's why Gabby doesn't like talking to me, or not talking to me, but arguing with me. Because I keep asking her why, why. And she's like, You're not daddy.

SPEAKER_00:

So until next week, I hope you got something from this. Like, you got the the holidays are coming up, you know, and and here's what I preached Sunday at church. Don't wait till December 31st to go, hey, here's how we're gonna do things different. You can start right now going, here's how I'm gonna do it different. Here's how my life is going to look different, here's how I'm gonna parent my child different. Here's the relationship I want with my child, and then here's the things I need to do to get that relationship. If you have any questions or anything of that nature, just go ahead and you can text us actually. If you're looking at this on certain things, there's a link right there that says send us a text. Send us a text. Like, let's chat about it. If not, follow us on social media at something with mission sent. I don't know, because Debbie does all of that. But other than that, we love you, we thank you, share the episode, and we can't do this without you.

SPEAKER_02:

Bye.

Head Shot

Debbie

Host
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Josh

Host