Faith, Family, Fishing; Navigating Everyday life

Overcoming Stress and Finding Rest Through Purposeful Planning

• Josh and Debbie

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Do you ever feel so exhausted that you're tired of being tired? That overwhelming sensation of running on empty while life keeps demanding more? You're not alone.

In this authentically raw conversation, we dive into the epidemic of exhaustion that's affecting so many of us. From the micro-problem of driving aimlessly looking for a restaurant to the macro-issue of living without clear direction, we explore how purposelessness drains our energy faster than any physical task.

Drawing from personal experiences—like Josh's closet-sized first office and his 12-year journey to complete a two-year degree—we share eight practical strategies that can transform exhaustion into purposeful energy. Some provide immediate relief (like pattern interruption techniques), while others create sustainable change through consistent small actions.

The heart of our message is deceptively simple yet profoundly powerful: begin with the end in mind. When you know your destination, every decision becomes intentional. We explore why protecting your vision matters, how breaking goals into manageable steps prevents overwhelm, and why contentment isn't the same as settling.

Perhaps most importantly, we discuss the ultimate antidote to exhaustion: recognizing your power of choice. While circumstances may be beyond your control, your response to them never is. This isn't about toxic positivity—it's about consciously directing your focus toward what builds rather than depletes.

Whether you're feeling stuck on life's carousel or simply need practical ways to restore your energy, these battle-tested strategies offer a roadmap to move from exhausted to expectant. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear they're not alone in their struggle, and remember—small changes consistently applied transform lives dramatically.

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Josh:

so I what you know better than I do with this stuff that's right, and this week oh boy I don't know about you, but I am extremely tired overwhelmed stress, full of anxiety, like spent all the things, but I do think I figured out the secret to it what?

Debbie:

What is it?

Josh:

How to overcome it and everything.

Debbie:

Tell me.

Josh:

No, because people are going to have to listen to the whole episode to figure that out?

Debbie:

Wait till the end. We have answers.

Josh:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Faith, family and Fishing, where we share Jesus and strengthen families. And this week, like you heard in the intro, we're going to be tackling something that, honestly, I see in a lot of different people nowadays. It's just that just tired and stressed and all the things and I go. It's hard, you know, and, and I think there's there's a couple of different tactics and tricks we can use to strengthen families through this.

Josh:

Um, some of them are short term right like you know, they'll give you you immediate relief. Some of them on the flip side, are there. It's a longer process to get, but I will say the longer processes last. Yeah, and I think you have a deeper satisfaction in them.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely.

Josh:

But it is a longer process to achieve it, so I'm going to start with just the obvious right. You look around and I don't know it's probably been going on for you with us just in general, with people. Definitely.

Josh:

I was going to say definitely, since you know easy the twenties, you know, not the roaring twenties either, but the more I think about it, it's probably been going on since the dawn of time. Sure, you know, I'm sure it was going on when I was a kid and I just didn't see it because your parents felt it.

Debbie:

Right, you know, and it's this you're just tired, just wore down, you're just overst overstressed and and then you get tired of being tired and then you don't even have the energy to try to get out of the. I'm tired right you're just like.

Josh:

I would just rather lay down here and just give up right and and I think what a lot of people wind up doing is you just get stuck. You're just in that, that constant like a carousel. You just go around and around and around okay you're not going anywhere I probably wouldn't use carousel as an illustration. Just because I'm a guy, okay, I would probably said cul-de-sac well, you can get out of a cul-de-sac. You can get out of this. You can get off a carousel.

Debbie:

Touché, good sir. Touché and Josh is the brains of our operations. You can tell I don't do much driving.

Josh:

I just put you on that horse and you're like I'm trapped. I can't get out, so how'd you get off when you were younger. I don't know, I mean, obviously you're not on a carousel right now.

Debbie:

No, not physically. Mentally maybe.

Josh:

Obviously.

Debbie:

Okay, you made your point, sir, but even today, right?

Josh:

So our day started off like with a bang, right, you know, I got a text message, had someone reach out and they needed help, and so that's how our day started off. And then, you know, luckily, you know, kids wanted to go with Nana, and so me and you had some alone time, yeah, which doesn't happen often.

Speaker 3:

No.

Josh:

But we were like like hey, before we get into the office, before we go record and do all the things that we have to do, um, let's go grab lunch right well, we drove from one side of our city to the other and and we're still no closer to deciding where we were going to go eat at.

Debbie:

So so much where Josh was like we're parking.

Josh:

Oh no, I didn't want you to share that part yet.

Speaker 3:

Okay.

Josh:

So the cat's out of the bag on that. But now I'm going to set it up. For the rest, okay, of what I was going to say and as we're driving, I was telling you, like it's little things, right, it's even deciding. Deciding, hey, where are we gonna go eat lunch at?

Debbie:

becomes a task yes, you know, and it becomes, you know, it's not like, oh, what are we gonna have? For lunch right it's like, oh, we need.

Josh:

We need some food, and I mean and mind you, we had passed 10 15 different restaurants, you know, and and it was like nope, don't want that, don't want that, don't want that, don't want that, don't want that I even broke out the maps and you were like why are you looking? So, and and that's where you know where you were saying yeah, I got to a point where I was like I'm just gonna park the car under a tree we're gonna find some shade in a parking lot, park on you know, park the car and we're not gonna leave this spot until we have a plan right this is where we're going.

Josh:

This is how the rest of the day is going to look. This is how this is going to factor into all of that, Right and I go, and that is tip and strategy or tactic number one. You got to start with a plan Right and to even go one bigger than that. You can't make a plan until you know where you're going.

Josh:

Now, if you've read Seven Habits of Highly, of highly effective people. We did not come up with this, no um, but it is one of the habits begin with the end in mind right, you, you and you know it's funny.

Debbie:

You say that because I had that conversation with one of the girls yesterday about what the last two days were going to look like and I said you know, yeah, daddy's always saying begin with the end in mind you know, I know you guys get tired of hearing it, but mommy stepped into these two days with what daddy always says you know, begin with the end in mind, and this was my goal, I said.

Debbie:

And then we worked backwards and, just like we always you know, josh always talks to the kids about this Make sure you have a plan. Once you know where you're going, you can walk backwards and go okay, this is how I need to get there. And I talked to the girl or girls about it and I went because of that plan. Everything that I set out that I wanted to get done got done effectively. Right, had I just walked in going I mean, I'll see what's gonna happen I'd be super stressed out about the last two days, right now.

Josh:

But seeing that that's where most of us find ourselves right, we're in the car, driving around trying to find a restaurant. You know, we've passed all of these different restaurants and that's a micro problem of a macro issue right, but that's what I'm saying.

Josh:

It's just an illustration, right? You know, metaphorically speaking, this is how most of us are living our lives, right? We're just like wherever the wind may take us. We don't really have a plan, right? Well, here's the thing. If I were to leave the house without knowing where I'm going, I'll never get to where I'm going, correct? You know you'll. You'll go hundreds of thousands of miles and through all of these tanks of gas, and you're still not where you're gonna go, because you have no idea where you're going. Right on the flip side of that, though, if I know this is where I'm going, then as soon as I leave the house, every single turn becomes on purpose I was gonna say there's a purpose for it so you know and and there is the difference that that's tactic number one right, have a plan.

Josh:

Begin with the end in mind. Know where you're going, because when you know when you're where you're going, that's the other important thing, right, when you know where you're going, it makes it easier in the rougher patches right right, like we took a trip up to Pensacola, you know, a couple of weeks ago.

Josh:

It's a seven hour trip from our house. You know maps said it was six and a half, but by the time you add in you know stops for fuel and food and potty and all the different things, I think it wound up taking us like seven and a half. Well, the ride up took forever because of the accident.

Debbie:

I was going to say, and then you know the accident but that's the thing right.

Josh:

The same accident, but that's the thing right. The same thing in life you're gonna have. Obviously we didn't plan to get into a car accident, but things are gonna come up that you didn't plan for right.

Debbie:

You know and, and, and, had we been driving to pensacola and going. We'll just find somewhere to stay when we get there right we would have been completely freaking out going oh my gosh, now we don't have a car. What are we gonna do? As soon as we got in the accident, you know, we looked for a rent-a-car place. It was two miles down the road, like well, we didn't even have to right trooper slick he

Speaker 3:

was and that is his name trooper slick, that's not a nickname, sergeant, sergeant yeah, amazing, but like there was still, even though there was, chaos.

Josh:

All right, let's get a plan immediately right now, and I mean, that is how it's not always how we lived our life no, but some of the stress in your life you have because you're on this trip and you don't have an end in mind. You have no idea where you're going. Things are happening, things do come up, emergencies happen, things like that. But you're you're kind of just going wherever the wind is pushing you right and kind of hoping you can figure it out as you go.

Debbie:

And that's exhausting.

Josh:

It is.

Debbie:

And if you have kids, what you don't understand is you're exhausting your kids and they they don't know how to vocalize it all the time, but they're stressed because you don't know where you're going.

Josh:

So so, tip and tactic Number one is let me think of that video so tip and tactic number one is Just made me think of that video. Tip and tactic number one is sometimes Nope, this is number one.

Speaker 3:

I'm finishing it oh, okay.

Josh:

Sometimes put the car in park, stop re-evaluate and don't go anywhere until you have a plan.

Speaker 3:

Right.

Josh:

And you're probably sitting here going. So you don't want me to leave my house. No, I don't want you to make any more life decisions.

Debbie:

Without having a plan, without having some kind of a plan, and it might take you a little bit to get that plan, but you're still going to save time in the long run. Right, because you're not going to be freaking out and frantic.

Josh:

Well, even going back to school, right, like I did construction out of high school, and you know I was just aimless and had no idea. You know long story right as it always, as it always is for another day um, but once I sat down and went, hey, this is where I want to go, I want to help people. I want to you know I want to do some counseling, I want to I want to strengthen families it was I mean it took me 12 years to finish my associates degree, which is a two year program right, mind you.

Debbie:

For those of you that don't know, josh is extremely intelligent yes, school was not the problem you were the problem.

Josh:

It was constantly well, I'm going to go do this, and I'm going to go do this and oh, there's a bird like you know, I'm going to go be an engineer or I'm going to go be this, or I'm going to go be an engineer, or I'm going to go be this or I'm going to go be an accountant or I'm going to go back to the military, whatever, yeah, whatever you know could get me out of the situation.

Josh:

I was in the fastest Right Right. And so it took 10, no, 12 years from start to finish. To finish my associate's degree, I did a bachelor's and a master's in a year and a half. Yep, because I knew this is where I want to go. So, yeah, that that lead up took a little bit longer, right, but once I had that plan, it was go time. Yeah, you know, and you can knock it out really super fast. And even if it would have taken, you know, another two years, at least I know I'm going there, I'm putting one foot in front of the other, and that's tact and tactic. That's not right Tactic and tip to put one foot in front of the other. Right, once you have a plan, work your plan.

Debbie:

And don't let people sidetrack you, because there are going to be things that come along and I've got to be a horse with blinders right, You're going to have to. What's the word? Be mean about the vision.

Josh:

Yeah.

Debbie:

Whatever the vision is, it's your vision. Keep your eyes open in front of you.

Josh:

And who was that Be mean about the?

Debbie:

vision, it was that.

Josh:

That was a book you read.

Debbie:

And I can see the name you keep talking. I'll look it up real quick. So it makes me think about.

Josh:

Sean, it's not Sean Strickland. I know that I was like hey.

Debbie:

I was like nope you keep talking. I was thinking about the Dave Ramsey. When we did the financial peace, we did a financial peace university many, many years ago.

Debbie:

And I remember it was a sign every dollar a job. And you know you keep track of your money that way and you you help stay focused that way and you know it was something that we had started doing with the very little money that we um, but it was so helpful to go. You know that's right. You don't want to just waste time and waste your money because then you're going to be constantly playing catch up. It's the same thing with your time. You're just like oh, I got to go to this, got to go to that, and instead of having a plan, there are times that we have to change our schedule because we're like this just isn't going to work for this moment.

Josh:

Right.

Debbie:

We need to reevaluate, but even because saying yes to this? Is saying no to everything else.

Josh:

Right to everything else right, right, you know and and and again. You have your plan, you're working your plan. It was sean lovejoy yes, sean lovejoy be mean about your vision, yeah, and, and that doesn't mean be mean. What it means is is put those blinders on right don't look to the left and the right and go.

Debbie:

This is the plan and I'm gonna work the plan so there have been times that our kids have come to us with concerns and worries or whatever. And you know well, daddy, this, this happened, and he's like it doesn't matter. That's not. That's not the point.

Josh:

Keep looking forward because that's what the devil's going to do, right. The easiest thing he's going to do is distract you.

Debbie:

Yes, and think about like we talk about stuff like that, like even whether it's with your kids or with marriage or money, it doesn't matter you everything could be in the right spot. So if the devil can't get you one way, he is going to come at you another way. Right? He knows he can't pluck me from my father's hand. He knows I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to not but I can belong to.

Debbie:

Jesus can keep you distracted, but if you, he can get me, keep me distracted and busy, then I'm not telling other people about Jesus. I'm not focusing on Jesus in my marriage. I'm not focusing on Jesus with my children. I'm not focusing on Jesus with the school, with, with anything you know, I'm just and I know I have found myself where.

Josh:

On the carousel. On the carousel that you can't get off of.

Debbie:

Seatbelted to the carousel. Nobody was there to help me. Okay, I cried anyway. Um, that is a true story, but that's all.

Josh:

That's for another day, and that's probably why it popped up I guess it was it was you know but that's the thing, and that's what the bible tells us, right like there is no sin that will overtake you that god will not give you an escape route.

Debbie:

Was it first?

Josh:

corinthians 10 31 or 10, 13, 10, 31 is whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do all into the glory of god. But I go, and that's why I said a cul-de-sac, because there is an escape, there's a way to get back out but you see where my mindset was.

Debbie:

I was like you're never gonna get out of it, you're just stuck there forever well, and that's the, that's tip and tactic number three, right yes, no temptation has overtaken you. That god that is not common to man, and god is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with temptation, will also make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it.

Josh:

What was it first and first. Corinthians 10 31 10, 13. I said 13, 13 you said 1031, I did it first and it was an accident um, but it's sitting here and it's going, so so, tip one you know, know where you're going. Yep, have a plan. Tip two work the plan. Don't get distracted, don't start chasing your tail, don't you know? And, for the love of god, understand, some of these things are going to take time, right, and you may have to readjust how you're working the plan, but that doesn't change what the end goal is.

Debbie:

The end goal is the same, you just sometimes may have to take a detour or take another route.

Josh:

Not a shortcut, though, right, because I'm here to tell you. There are no shortcuts in life. Oh God, no, no, you know number three right Paul in Philippians 4 says I know what it's like to abound. I know what it's like to have nothing. I know what it's like to have money. I know what it's like to be poor. But I am convinced of this that I've learned the secret of being content. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Josh:

And I go understand. There's a reason why the Bible calls it the secret of being content because we as people are bottomless black holes who just want more and more and more and more and more. Yep, it's very hard for us to look at life and go.

Debbie:

I'm content we talked about that it does not mean settling Right.

Josh:

Content means hey, I may not have it right now, but that's okay.

Debbie:

Right, I'm still going to work for it.

Josh:

I'm still going to work for it. I'm still'm still gonna get to it, but it's okay that I don't have it right now and, and I go and, and this is one of those, honestly the first two tips and tactics we're giving out here, you know, one from sean lovejoy, one from stephen covey. Like those are long range tips yes, like. Like those.

Debbie:

Those could be years in the making and we've seen that, Um well, we've lived that. That's what I'm saying. We, we, we've done that.

Josh:

Yeah, and still are continuing to do that.

Debbie:

And there are times where it's like because you reach this goal and it's like, okay, let's set another one.

Josh:

Let's set and set another one, and I go and it's the same thing right, like I don't look at school. You know school's gonna be back in a month, right. If you look at it and go, here comes the school year. You know you're gonna be overwhelmed by that, right, because it's a lot coming at you right but if you look at it and go, okay, we only have three months till. You know we only have two months till thanksgiving. You know we only have three months till.

Josh:

You know we only have two months till thanksgiving you know, we only have three months till christmas break, you know you start taking this big huge thing, you start breaking it up and for me personally, like I do it like daily, you know I'm coming in in the morning, I go, okay, I only have, you know, five hours to lunch, right, you know, and you know lunch came and got. Now I only have two hours to go home, like you know. So it's, you know it's sitting here and going, like how can I take this big huge thing and make it smaller?

Josh:

right make it manageable, less scary, um less overwhelming, and and go okay, now that it's in manageable pieces.

Debbie:

Now I can there's that saying how do you eat an elephant?

Josh:

it's super easy one bite at a time right and I go, and that's not that well, you know. Let's change this to tip number three, because that's something you can do immediately, regardless of what the task is hold on.

Debbie:

So what are you changing?

Josh:

so the secret to being content is going to be number four okay this one was number three, okay, and and what we're changing is, you know, it's one bite at a time.

Josh:

Eat it one bite at a time yep you know, if you got to eat a frog, do it first thing in the morning. Yep, right, you know, and, and make it more manageable for you. You'll, you'll be less overwhelmed when you're looking at only one thing instead of going. You know, and and this is something and I've talked to a lot of adults about this right, you know, they're, they hate their job or whatever the case may be, and it's like, but what I want to do, I would have to go back and get a degree for and I'm like it, and they're like, wow, but that's, you know, that's a two, that's a four-year, you know whatever project, and I go, I hear you, but you're only taking one class at a time. Right, you're taking two classes.

Debbie:

You know you could go to school part-time I talked I was telling you earlier I was, I talked to an attorney yesterday and not you know, for your own. No, no, she's just someone that she's an attorney yeah and I, we were talking about something and I'd mentioned how that was my first goal my first goal was to go to law school um and live in new york and be single and not ever get married or have kids and have chan the bang and here.

Debbie:

yeah, here we are. So god knew better than I did. But, um, you, you know, I got my bachelor's, master's, started working my doctorate and I'm not done with that. Hopefully one day. But I thought I said, you know, but I'm too old now, I'm 45. And she said I was 48 when I started law school and I thought to myself, oh crap. And she said you should go back. If that's something that you want to do and you're passionate about, go do it. And I thought to myself, oh, that's a new goal, I'll finish my doctorate and then I'll go back to law school. What is happening in your life right now?

Josh:

I want to say something and like I don't know.

Speaker 3:

Air burp, yeah, just got trapped.

Josh:

I don't know, and and that's the thing like, even if you look at something like law school, right, it can be daunting. You know, you're sitting here going. Oh, here's another two years, here's another.

Debbie:

You know, then it's the bar, then it's this but you know what I've learned being married to you but if you go, but I'm only looking at the next three classes I'm taking but even being married to josh, and how his mindset is, and and this is where I think you need to remember who you're around and who you surround yourself with and that can be tip number four no, you can't change tip number four what you're just saying.

Josh:

You just, oh, that could be tip number five, five surround yourself as you guys can tell, we came up with this and prepared it right now way before hey, we've been talking about this, but still, um, surround yourself with people that are going to be encouraging.

Debbie:

I think about the, the group of men that brought their friend to jesus. And you know, um, help me out my brain cut the hole in the roof, lowered them down those are the kind of friends you want. Yeah, don't don't be around people. I mean, you're gonna have to be around people.

Josh:

That here's the thing. First, corinthians 13. Here we go, corinthians again. Nope, not 13, that's a lie.

Debbie:

Uh-oh, now you're good, your brain farts have like like I was saying, surround yourself with people that are going to encourage you, lift you up, and the people that are going to be haters and talk a lot of mess, they might. You might have to be around them for whatever reason. You don't have to listen to them, you just go, okay, um, they're going to be people that you talk to that, no matter what you say, what your goal or what your dream, they're going to tell you why you cannot do it, why you cannot achieve it, how it's going to be impossible, and they are going to be that little noise on the on the side of your shoulder, just like nagging, and just just not being a help. Those, those aren't your people. Okay, those people use that to encourage you and motivate you, but one step at a time, and be around people that not just encourage you but you encourage them also. Be a help to people, go ahead.

Josh:

My bad, it was 1 Corinthians 15.

Speaker 3:

Okay, it says what.

Josh:

Do not be deceived Evil communications corrupt good manners.

Debbie:

That's not right. What version is that? I learned it in a different version. Bad company ruins good morals.

Josh:

Bad company ruins good morals. Yep, and that's what you're saying, right?

Debbie:

Yep absolutely.

Josh:

And I go all right. So tip one begin with the end in mind. Tip two be mean about your vision, don't get distracted. Tip three was how did we word that one?

Debbie:

we're, are we on tip five?

Josh:

no, tip three was make manageable steps right I hope tip four. Tip three was that you know, make it manageable, don't be overwhelmed by it. It's gonna take, it's a process, it's gonna take time tip four is learn to be content and and again. Being content is not the same as settling. Being content is sitting here.

Debbie:

This is where I am. This is where I am now, and that's okay.

Josh:

I may not be here forever or I won't be here forever, but I'm good.

Debbie:

I ain't as good as I once was. I got this, but I'm better than I ever was.

Josh:

And that's the thing, yep, look back, look where you came from and see where you are.

Debbie:

Celebrate the small wins, mm-hmm. You know, and tip five was and then tip five was five. Bad company ruins good morals. Don't hang around people that are going to bring you down and bog you down. Like I said, you might have to be around them for whatever reason. You work with them, you're related to them. That's typically what happens, just go.

Josh:

You live next to them, you live next to them just move

Debbie:

whatever the case may be you just smile and move on and and again. There's nothing wrong with creating a healthy boundary and going.

Josh:

I didn't ask your opinion okay, but I think you're kind of getting sidetracked and making this very personal like he's like you feel something deep like maybe there's something we have to talk about off air oh no, I got nothing to do with you.

Debbie:

Personal.

Josh:

You know, and I go and again it's have grace with yourself. Yeah, now this next one, tip six. This is something you can do right now.

Speaker 3:

You should have been writing these down.

Debbie:

There's something you can do right now.

Josh:

Right now you can do this.

Debbie:

What is it?

Josh:

Do something. Anything, anything that is not what you're doing, Anything Like. If you're like right now you're like oh, I'm so mad, I had such a bad day. If you're listening to this on the ride home, pull over somewhere safe, get out of the car, do some pushups.

Debbie:

I was just going to say do some jumping jacks.

Josh:

Yeah, just do whatever it is you're doing.

Debbie:

Do some jumping jacks yeah, just do whatever it is you're doing. Do something that you're not doing, you're going to separate yourself from that thing. It's actually a tactic that we use when working with kids. You know, when they're in a spiral or they're dysregulated, you distract them with something else to get their mind off of that circle that they're in to break and that's not with every kid.

Josh:

No, no, no, no, no, some kids, it's like sit down now.

Debbie:

Yeah, some kids it's. Yeah, get it together.

Josh:

But yeah, no, especially with the little ones. Get your life together.

Debbie:

Get your life right. I love when my kindergartners say that they're so cute, it's just going, yeah, it's separating yourself for a moment and going I'm going to eat, oh, okay, eat.

Josh:

I'm gonna go to the bathroom, go to the gym. I'm gonna lay down tomato, tomato. I'm gonna go fishing. I'm gonna go, you know, listen to a song.

Josh:

I'm gonna go read the bible, or I'm gonna go like I'm gonna do something purposefully yeah that is different than what I am currently doing and I go um I was watching a video the other day on youtube and and it was take 30 minutes and sit in a silent room. Oh, I love that, you know, and, and that's honestly I, I tried that starting this weekend. You know, I it was just yeah I was hitting my limit and you know, you walked into the bedroom and I was just sitting and you know, laying on, kind of half, half laying on the bed.

Debbie:

Honestly, I thought Josh had broken and I went oh no, it happened.

Josh:

I knew it was going to happen and here it is he broke, you know just nothing on, you know except the fan, and was just like I'm going to take this and I'm going to focus on Jesus. I'm going to listen for that still smile, quiet voice and I just I don't want to hear anything else.

Debbie:

And sometimes there's a couple of things that I know like for me. I'll park, you know, even in the driveway in the driveway. I'll tell the kids I'll be in just a minute and I will literally sit there in silence and cry Sometimes I do. I get it out of my system because don't bring that in the house. We keep that on the front yard because I know what I'm feeling, does it need to come into the house.

Josh:

I stand by what I was saying.

Debbie:

You completely made me lose my train of thought.

Josh:

You sit outside in the driveway and you take that moment to do the same thing.

Debbie:

And I know there are other people I've talked to that do that and they just I remember when the kids were like tiny.

Josh:

When you were working and I was at home with them, you know and then I would come home and you would literally go lock yourself in the bathroom. Yep, you know and go, hey, you know and and go, hey, you know what I'm just, I'm just, I'm gonna take the next half an hour and I'm gonna take a shower and I'm gonna sit on do my hair and I'm gonna you know, like all the things, and I mean I tell people, find two or three things throughout the day that make you go oh

Josh:

that was nice, thank you yeah, but you gotta have those, things will not be joining in worship this weekend you gotta have the hobbies right and that's step seven, tactic seven. I don't know why I said step.

Debbie:

Find a hobby, find something that brings you joy and contentment I don't care if it's playing legos I was sharing with someone this morning.

Josh:

But keep in mind, your hobby is not your life.

Debbie:

One of the things I genuinely love to do and it sounds quacky. I love watching crime shows Real life crime shows, not a hobby.

Debbie:

It's not a hobby, but it disconnects me because then I don't think about I'm not. It's not very often where I'm not thinking about something else that needs to happen or something else that needs to get done. When I watch crime shows, I'm like, oh, I want to help investigate while this is happening and I know it's already been taken care of. But like it makes me think and I'm like, oh well, I wonder if it was this person or that person or whatever the case might be yeah, but then you look at everything suspect and like that is true.

Josh:

So I came in the house a certain way and you were like uh, why'd you walk in that way?

Debbie:

You took two steps sideways instead of three.

Josh:

I'm like I don't know, I just walked in the house. Like.

Debbie:

I'm like uh-huh, I see what's happening here. And you're like, oh, okay.

Josh:

Next thing. You know it's a three day argument because I watched something and then had a bad dream and I go dream oh and I go.

Debbie:

But that's the thing like have something that disconnects you from everything else. Right? Puzzles, word searches, coloring books, fishing, yep, singing loud fishing fishing, really pushing that fishing thing, huh faith family fishing yeah like I go actually think about it?

Josh:

you I have taken literally dozens of people out on the boat. How many times have you ever heard someone not say that was the most relaxing time I've ever had?

Debbie:

Now I will say I I this morning feeling completely bogged down and waited just like you. I went. I literally don't want to talk to anyone, right? I don't want to see anyone, I don't want any of it. So I opened my phone and I text every single person that I have some type of relationship with.

Josh:

I hate you and I don't want to see you did.

Debbie:

Did not say that. No, and I sent words of encouragement and I reached out, knowing that they would be reaching back out because I went.

Debbie:

I can feel like this, but it's not okay to live to stay like this, and I know this is just temporary and I know myself I can put myself in a position where I go, I'm not, I don't want to see anybody, I won't talk to anybody, I'm not going to church tonight, I'm not going on Sunday, like you know. I mean it wouldn't go over well, but still I know how I can be. So sometimes you have to talk to yourself.

Josh:

So that goes into tactic number eight. Okay, and tactic number eight is actually the most important one which is okay, the most important one, which is okay choice. At the end of the day, everything you do is a choice, everything you feel or that you choose to concentrate on.

Debbie:

Let me rephrase that oh, that's very, very good choice.

Josh:

That's why the bible will tell you set your mind on the things that are above, not the things here. Paul is literally telling us in Colossians you can choose to focus on what you want to focus on. If you want to stay miserable, keep focusing on the things that make you miserable. But at the end of the day, what you do have to admit to yourself is it is your choice.

Debbie:

A hundred percent.

Josh:

And, and ultimately, that is the biggest thing.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Josh:

You can have all of the tips, all of the tactics.

Debbie:

Isn't that on Maslow's, the whole tool?

Josh:

Self-actualization yeah, but in theory you would never actually be able to get there.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Josh:

That's the goal, though, but you could have all the tips, you could have the whole toolbox, but if you choose not to, nothing's going to change Right, and you're going to keep living in that rat race, on that carousel, in the cul-de-sac, on, you know, things that go around Wheels like. However, whatever illustration you want to use, you're never going to move past that if you don't choose to move past that right, right, and sometimes I know I can always speak as a female.

Debbie:

I know sometimes we can get bogged down and stuck in the feeling sorry for ourselves or just feelings right, but feeling so, but don't, don't take away what I'm just like. I'm talking about something specific, feeling sorry for yourself, and then you give yourself permission to give myself away okay, how are you gonna do a worship song now?

Josh:

I lost my train of thought you give yourself permission to I don't know. I was paying attention. You get bogged down and feeling bad for yourself and you give yourself permission to suck it.

Debbie:

I do pay attention when you talk isolate and um really in the long run.

Josh:

I mean it feels good for the moment, it does um, but then you have to play catch up later and I, and I wouldn't say that goes to everyone, not just I can always be females no, I'll tell you, I think you can see everyone like I see it with both guys and girls like um, and that's why number eight is actually the most powerful out of all of it, because it all boils down to. You can begin with the end in mind, you can be mean about your vision, you can watch who you hang out with, you can be content.

Debbie:

You can make manageable steps.

Josh:

You can, you know.

Debbie:

Have good friends. Have good friends.

Josh:

Like all of the tactics, but if you choose not to it doesn't matter.

Debbie:

None of that matters, right.

Josh:

And sometimes it's not what you feel, it's not what you want to do, it's right. And sometimes it's not what you feel, it's not what you want to do, it's not like, but you have to at some point. Just go in the words of the famous theologian KB.

Speaker 3:

I'm going to just do it yeah.

Josh:

And I promise you, 365 days from today, it can be a completely different thing, 180 days from today could be a completely different thing. 90 days from today could be a completely different thing. 90 days from today could be a completely different thing by the end of today honestly you could look at this completely different speaking from experience, I'll start with you.

Debbie:

six years ago, josh needed an office and we had like a towel closet and Josh emptied it.

Josh:

Took all the shelves out, took everything out.

Debbie:

And he left one little shelf where he could put a laptop on and he would open the door. Put a chair in there.

Josh:

No, no, no, no, no, I would open the door and get in.

Debbie:

Let me finish.

Josh:

Make JT.

Debbie:

Let me finish.

Josh:

Put the chair in behind me.

Debbie:

I wasn't done.

Josh:

Yeah, but you said put a chair in there. I wasn't done, I had to be in there before the chair.

Debbie:

I wasn't done. Josh would have to get in there and have to get scooted in because there was no room to turn around. Looking back now, if there was a fire, I don't even know if he would have been able to get out. I would have to let him out. And how many square feet is that? Two square feet.

Speaker 3:

Probably.

Debbie:

Two square feet, but two, but it was tiny.

Josh:

It was just enough for him. It was big enough for the little chair For the little chair.

Debbie:

And that was it. And today we're sitting in his office. That's a couple hundred square feet, 200. This was six years in the making and I remember looking back going.

Josh:

I really just wish he had his own office, but again it's choice, it's going, I'm gonna put this foot in front of this foot, in front of this foot, but we're not talking.

Debbie:

We're not speaking from a place of like oh, we have no idea. Like I tutored for years in the back of a coffee house because I wanted to open a school, yeah, and then we did and and.

Josh:

But that's what it was. It was one foot in front of another in front of another.

Debbie:

Small changes over time right drastically change your life. And I say that because there are we think but we as humans, we think we need big changes it's the same thing, right hang on, hang on. What I was saying was the days that I get bogged down and tired. I do look back like it's helpful to look back and go, but I prayed for this and I asked god for this and then he gave it to me. All right, let me chill out with my complaining. Does that make sense?

Josh:

yeah, but I go. It's the same thing, like when it comes to money, right? You know that there's that question would you rather a million dollars or one penny a day that doubles every day for 30 days? And everybody always takes like the million dollars because we think this one big, huge thing is what's going to, you know, make everything all better. But in, in fact, if you took the one penny a day that doubles every day for 30 days, you wind up with like two or $3 million. I forget off the top of my head how much it is. Um, well, we can watch the YouTube video after we get done, but mathematically it just it makes more sense. It's the same thing in our life, right? We don't want to, you know, do the work of the diet and the exercise and the discipline and and all of that $5,368,000.

Debbie:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Josh:

So I mean it's literally five times the amount we want, the pill that we can take, and then just all the weight melts off. And then you know we want the instant gratification. And it doesn't work like that. Like I tell. You know, and I've told people this before, you didn't get that heavy overnight.

Debbie:

Right.

Josh:

You're not going to get skinny overnight. You're not going to lose it all overnight Like you didn't get to the position you were in right now overnight.

Speaker 3:

Right.

Josh:

Everything isn't going to be better tomorrow. It's again having a plan, working the plan, keeping the blinders on, making sure the people around you are around you for you are encouraging and lifting you up and coming along the side and and helping you get to that goal. It's resetting those goals, it's it's, you know, shrinking down those, those steps and at the end of it, it's making the choice to go this is what I'm going to do, and I'm going to just do it Right.

Josh:

And then it's looking back at the small victories over time to give you motivation to keep going right to that next step, to that next mission, to that next whatever. So until next week. We love you, we thank you. Make sure you share this. Choose to share this choose to share it. Thank you choose to go leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts that choose to tell a friend hey, you really want to hear this.

Speaker 3:

Right, we love you, we thank you can't do this, and we can't do it without you.

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