Faith, Family, Fishing; Navigating Everyday life
Is your family hurting, broken, or just looking to become closer and stronger? Josh and Debbie are in the business of just that. Working through issues regarding the family from perspectives such as; Pastor, Counselor, Teachers, law enforcement, and parents themselves, Josh and Debbie bring a wealth of information about the family, as well as, real life solutions to problems. If you are a Gen X'er with adult children, a millennial with teenagers, a Gen Z just starting, or something else, we have a show for you. Come take a listen, our aim is to restore the family!
Faith, Family, Fishing; Navigating Everyday life
Navigating the Noise of Marriage with Christ-like Love
Conflict in relationships often stems from unmet expectations and selfishness. The episode guides listeners to embrace selflessness and serve their partners, presenting this approach as the key to eliminating arguments and fostering mutual understanding.
• Discussing the biblical perspective on arguments
• Identifying unmet expectations as a cause of conflict
• Real-life examples to illustrate common arguments
• Emphasizing selflessness as a relationship strength
• Strategies for minimizing misunderstandings
• Encouraging transparent communication in marriages
• Highlighting the importance of humility and service
• Presenting a hopeful outlook for conflict resolution
Join us as we dive into the transformative teachings of Jesus and their relevance to modern marriage. Make your marriage the best it can be, it isn't hard to unlock the keys to a happy marriage with no more arguing!
#loveisaverb #Jesus #marriage #Jesussaves #selfless
Hey, are you looking for a way to finish every single argument and never argue again with your spouse?
Debbie:Yes.
Josh:Well, welcome to Faith Family Fishing and on this episode, that's what we get into, debbie and Josh here.
Josh:Hello and welcome to another episode and, as the intro said, we are going to get into how to never, ever, ever again, ever argue with your spouse and I'm going to be honest, it's super, super easy. Like it is way easier than the four or five day arguments or the back-to-back arguments or any of that, but Okay. But, as you can hear, one of us myself is feeling under the weather and luckily for Debbie. I am such a manly man.
Debbie:Such a champ.
Josh:So here we are recording.
Debbie:Although he did put his head back and I thought for a brief moment he was going to fall asleep and it was going to be an interesting episode all by myself.
Josh:Well, I'm sure you could have handled it, said some stuff Just all by yourself.
Debbie:All by myself.
Josh:So here's the thing You're married, you're dating, you're in a relationship of any kind. Because, honestly, this advice can go to any relationship. Right. I think the first thing we need to look at is what causes arguments what does the bible say? Well in james. It would tell you what causes fights among you. Isn't it this that you desire and do not have?
Josh:so you quarrel, I like that word quarrel um, and, and that is that is true um, I think it's a little broader of a definition selfishness all well, everything everything, everything everything is just birthed out of selfishness, um and we're going to get into that in a second but I think you argue because of unmet expectation, right? Your expectation was x, y or z, right they?
Debbie:the other person did not meet that expectation.
Josh:So right now there's an argument, right, you know a lot of people. Oh well, it's a difference of opinion. Yeah, it's an unmet expectation my expectation was this your opinion was different, different than theirs right and, and let's be honest, we live in a time now where being divisive and arguing and that's the name of the game.
Debbie:That's the norm across the board.
Josh:And here's the tactic I'm going to yell louder than you. And when that doesn't work, I'm going to just smear your name, to cancel you or whatever it is nowadays and when. When that doesn't work, I'm gonna try to turn everybody against you oh, absolutely and I go.
Josh:Why, though? Why do we argue the way we do like think about it? We just passed the holidays, right? I mean, it's the end of january, you know. So you made it through thanksgiving, you made it through christmas, you made it through new year's you know, you made it through the election inauguration which was for some people for some people.
Debbie:I didn't think they were gonna make it right.
Josh:However, you, you made it through all that with with your family, right, and and one of the things we we talk about a lot of church is, this time of year, you're gonna be around a lot of people that you're not around a lot right um, you know and, and everybody's heard the adage right, you don't talk about politics or religion because those just cause arguments and and I go. Why, though?
Josh:they shouldn't like. Why are there any topics that we can't talk about? Because it's going to cause an argument. And I go and, honestly, it is just that it is sitting here and going. Well, I thought that's that expectation and in reality it hit totally different than what I thought it would. So, for example, not that me and Debbie argue ever I mean happiest marriage in the world, we argue at all. But if we were hypothetically hypothetically to argue.
Josh:It would go something like this hey, deb, can you go to the kitchen, get me some water sure y'all, y'all hear how uncomfortable that silence was.
Josh:Right that that's like how long I'm waiting for Debbie to get up out of bed to grab my cup, to go to the kitchen get me some water. And it's not that we live in this mansion, but like I just thought, you know, debbie could go get my water for me or something. So then, now that it's uncomfortable, I get up, grab my water cup, go to the kitchen. Before I even make it to the door, debbie's already yelling, right, yelling, maybe a strong word okay, yeah, that was debbie is already on the defense, though.
Josh:Right, I said I would get you some water and I went right. But I meant now, like I didn't want water half an hour from now, like I, I was asking you to go get it now, and then, next thing you know, you're arguing and and sometimes it's hey, we'll remember five years later, or five years ago, years ago you said blah blah and it's like this started with I asked you for water I asked you for a favor, and if you would have asked me for that favor, I know I would have went and done it, so I expected you to do the same thing.
Josh:There's that unmet expectation, right, and a lot of times like when you do counseling, like marriage counseling or anything like that that's what it is right. They want to sit down and they want to go through each and every individual argument and I go. You guys are missing the bigger point of all of this. It's not this one argument it's not this one argument.
Josh:Even if you won this argument and they won that argument, the bigger point of all of this is you're not getting what you want. Stop being a baby right and I know that sounds harsh and cold, but at the end of the day, that's what it is. And and, honestly, you know what we lack in this country any kind of yeah, humility, any kind of is that what you're gonna say?
Josh:well, no, I was gonna say any kind of like being able to tell someone stop being a baby right, stop stomping your feet, stop trying to get your own way right, like you see it, all the time you see it, and like I was gonna say you see it we had the disease that shall not be named, and people are literally punching other people in the face for toilet paper and I go and that's that's the mentality we live in.
Josh:Right, we live in very, and this is why I said we would come back to selfishness.
Debbie:I was going to say that goes right back to selfishness.
Josh:It all roots from there, right, Because we live in this. How dare you take from me Right? Going back to James.
Debbie:Right.
Josh:You desire and do not have.
Debbie:So you quarrel.
Josh:Quarrel, I love that word. Because I deserve this. Mm-hmm. So I'm going to go ahead real easy, real plain, like right. Here's how you end every single argument, every argument you don't ever want to argue in your marriage. Here's how you do it.
Debbie:I'm listening.
Josh:Put the other person above yourself. Mm-hmm. Again we look through Philippians. Count others as more than yourself. Again we look through Philippians count others as more than yourself Serve. Do you understand how you will stop arguing if you go? It's not about me. Right.
Josh:Right, like had I go back to that water illustration. Not that that was a real argument, but hypothetically speaking, and for those of you that can't see, I did do air quotes, hypothetically speaking, you did it again if that was a real argument. What if? What if, instead of me getting mad jumping up grabbing my cup, knowing forget you, I'll just go get my own water? What if I would have went? Hey babe, like, no, like, can you go now?
Debbie:like I'm thirsty now right I'm like oh sure, absolutely right, I was just gonna finish this, but no big deal right I can go whatever or had I just been like or or or not even that Like what if I had just got up and got my own water?
Josh:I know that's crazy but, you know again, we don't live in a mansion.
Debbie:No, we don't.
Josh:And I go, and that's it Honestly, that is the secret right there. You want a happy marriage? Put your wife, put your husband, above yourself.
Debbie:You want good quality children to grow to be good human beings. Show them what it's like to be selfless.
Josh:Right, I go, and you don't understand the amount of.
Debbie:What struggle and stress you could avoid.
Josh:Yes, stress, stress. Like you want an easier life. Stop trying to win at everything, and that's very hard for me right, mr.
Debbie:Competitive sports like your whole life.
Josh:I yes, I am that person that you go. I bet you can't like that's. That's how my parents got me to clean my room right like my mom would literally come in when I was little and go. Well, I bet you can't clean this in the next 30 minutes and I'll tell me what I can't do.
Josh:22 minutes all done you know like and I go, so I get it. I get what it's like going. Hey, I want to be the best. But if we learn anything from jesus, it's this like pilot is is questioning jesus and he's like hey, don't you know that I hold your life in my hand? And Jesus's response to Pilate is this you don't hold my now I'm paraphrasing, but it's you don't hold my life in your hands. I lay my life down. Right? That's what Jesus tells him. Right, I lay my life down so that I may pick it back up because, ultimately, I am control of me. Right.
Josh:So, when it comes to an argument and and we were just talking about this last week I always, when we get done having any kind of an argument, look back and instead of going what could Debbie have done better, so that I wouldn't have gotten mad, I always look back and I go what could I have done different?
Josh:to avoid that argument. I always look back and I go what could I have done different to avoid that argument, was it? You know, could I have said something different, could I have looked at something different, could I have put myself out a little bit more to avoid that argument?
Debbie:And you know what, there'll be people listening to this and they're like well, that just makes you a pushover and people just walk all over you.
Josh:That's not true. I don't know if you know, josh. Well, not just that, but like if you think being meek makes you weak right try being meek for a week, in the words of I think it's kb I think it's kb go off, kb um I go it takes energy and effort, and I mean it.
Debbie:It takes a lot to lay all that down, but think, think about that.
Josh:That's the illustration we were given in Jesus, right, he is the God man, like he is God In Matthew 28, 20,. He says it or 20, 28, I'm sorry. He says it very plainly, right, I did not come to be served, but I came to serve and to give my life a ransom for many. That's why, when we get to Ephesians five and Paul says hey, husbands, love your wife or wives submit to your husbands, right, and like I remember we had been married maybe five years. No, it was longer than that.
Debbie:Oh yeah, it was longer than that.
Josh:Like maybe five years or so.
Josh:I don't, yeah, maybe JT was born. I don't, yeah, maybe JT was born, I don't know. But anyway, we had been married for a length of time, it was longer than just a year. And we were talking one day and I was like I had said something. You, you had come out with some kind of snarky remark and and, uh, I was like Deb, you took a vow to obey me. And you, you were like like, uh, I don't know what wedding you were at, but uh, no, that was not part of my vows. And I was like, yeah, it's part of the vows, like you know, to to love and obey and you were like what?
Josh:no, no, no, no, no, hold up, hold up. And I was like well, and the bible says it oh, that's when I was like yep, and you're like the bible doesn't say that.
Josh:Just like a modern feminist. Right. And so we open up the bible and right there in ephesians 5, right wives submit. And I was like, hmm, yep, and you're like the Bible doesn't say that. Just like a modern feminist Mm-hmm, right. And so we open up the Bible and right there in Ephesians 5, right Wives submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Mm-hmm, we live in a society where that word submission is a bad word.
Debbie:Though, mm-hmm, I will tell you I read that For women and I I was like I don't ever remember seeing that.
Josh:Well, the churches you grew up in might not have ever preached that. They did not. I mean, when you have a pastora up there.
Debbie:Yep. That is literally why it would never Yep. That is true.
Josh:And I go you know, not just that, though, but I go like I remember you just being like in awe, right, oh my God, I can't believe this is actually in here and and for any men listening right now, they go yeah see, submit, right, if she would just submit, I would do everything else. If you would just lead, okay, but here, well, not just that, because right after that verse he goes husbands, love your wives, as christ loved the church and gave his life up for her. Well, how did? How did jesus love the church? Well, I came not to be served, but to serve he died for her so, husbands, you know what your role is.
Josh:Your role is to do that. Your role is to lay everything down for your wife, right? So if I want to stop and argue with my wife, what if I just swallow my pride? What if I go? Hey, I don't have to be right on this, right. What if I go? Hey, you know what? You're right, it's not worth fighting for the next three days right and and again.
Josh:That was a new concept to me, because I don't like to lose nope and I go. You know so our first couple of years of marriage it was. It was hard for me, it was interesting, you know. So our first couple of years of marriage, it was hard for me, it was interesting.
Josh:You know, because, like the matter you would get, I would go. I'm going to go one level higher and if you don't know, I mean Debbie's Spanish, like they're not known for keeping their cool right Feisty and spicy, and me, being german, irish it just yeah we tried to take over the world and you threw alcohol in the mix. It was just like okay, but that that's that's a totally yeah, that's something totally different. But like I was saying like, so you would get mad, I would.
Debbie:I would try to one-up right, right and then by the end of consistently two days, it was like what the heck even? And it was something so stupid and minute that started it but?
Josh:But boys to men say it the best right. You know, we don't even know what we argue about, Don't? Even say love you no more, because saying how we feel is no longer allowed. Oh my goodness, I don't know if you're listening. Hey, but if you know what that song is. Good for you, comments on that, I don't know, comment somewhere. Say something instagram, facebook, somewhere.
Debbie:You you heard about this podcast from somewhere. Right comment there, but I go again. It's sitting here going.
Josh:Let me treat like jesus right, treat up, treat others like jesus, right, it's sitting here going. Let me act how jesus would have acted. I mean, you know, pilot, you know again, think about the crucifixion man. Like you have the god of all the universe sitting here and getting beat and getting spit at and getting mocked and getting you know the, the crown of thorns and all of this, and and you know when pilots questioning them, you know he's like. So is it true? You're a King, kingdom? And again, that's my paraphrase jesus goes my kingdom is not of this world. If it was my, my servants would fight for me and and basically what he's saying in in english and modern english is you don't want that smoke right because, bro, like you don't understand, like if I were to just go done
Debbie:all of this is not just you take a breath in and everybody would drop all of it like the wood you were about to nail me to.
Josh:I hold together, like I created it for me, by me, through me, like it is mine. And yet he chooses to go that route. Do you guys understand how important that is, like that choice to go that route and I think for me, I always look at it from.
Debbie:I always take it back to like being a parent. And I think for me, I always look at it from. I always take it back to like being a parent, like you want kids that are selfless. You have to be that example. You have to be the one that's giving and serving and doing. They have to see mom serving dad, they have to see dad serving mom. And you have to be careful what you say in front of them, because they're going to pick up on those little cues, you know.
Josh:But again, if, if I'm sitting here serving you, right, what are you gonna get mad at right? What are we gonna argue about? Like, if I'm like here, baby, let me rub your feet at night, what you? What are you gonna be mad at me for, right? You know yeah absolutely, but there's such but hey, I know you really want to watch this on tv I think there's such an issue of pride that has overtaken so many families, so many, you know relationships.
Debbie:It that super level of pride like kills so much of the ability to go? No, I'll do it, I'll take care of it.
Josh:I'll do that for you right, but go back to treat others the way Jesus did.
Debbie:Do you understand? I think people want that for themselves and they say that, but I don't think they really understand what it's like to put that into practice because it takes so much work.
Josh:It does take work, it does. Romans 12, 1, right Present your bodies as a living sacrifice. Do you know what happened to the animals that got sacrificed? What happened in their lives, what?
Debbie:do you mean.
Josh:If you sacrifice an animal, what happens to its life? It ends it dies. Right, it's done. The reason why Paul in Galatians 3 or 2.
Debbie:I thought you were going somewhere else. I am Okay.
Josh:I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me Right Is because, again, if I'm sitting here saying this is what I follow, this is how my life should be Right, and we have to understand that that takes work Right. That goes against the nature you already have the sinful nature.
Debbie:We have to be number one and to be to elevate ourselves and yep you know, it's not normal and this is much weightier than I think people realize.
Josh:And it's much more difficult when you don't put into practice to try to put it into practice I think it's much more weightier, but but again, luke 9, right Jesus said if anyone's willing to follow after me, pick up his cross, deny himself daily and follow me.
Debbie:That doesn't mean you're not going to get frustrated or annoyed. And it doesn't mean just because you're serving or doing it doesn't always mean the other person's going to see.
Josh:Or reciprocate.
Debbie:Right.
Josh:Because if you're doing, but that's the thing if I'm doing.
Debbie:What's your point of doing it?
Josh:If I'm doing to get, then my doing to serve. No, and at that point it becomes transactional right.
Debbie:Right, and then you literally lose all traction and and merit by having that argument.
Josh:A hundred percent. But think about it like and and that's what happens in any counseling session, right? Any, I was a cop, right, pull up on a traffic accident, the first thing out of the first person you go talk to his mouth, it was their fault. Right, you go talk to the other person, it was their fault because, again, it is so anti, what's the word Uh?
Debbie:not antithetical. I love that word, but that's not the word.
Josh:It is antithetical to the gospel.
Debbie:It is Um, but that's no counterculture, though Right Cause.
Josh:think about it, and this is an illustration I give in sermons all the time. Right, what were you taught as a kid? You better not start a fight. Where you taught as a kid? You better not start a fight. But you better finish it, but you better finish it. What does the Bible actually teach?
Debbie:though, turn the other cheek. As far as it depends on, you, live peacefully among each other.
Josh:There are 3.3 billion Christians in the world. Nearly 50% of the world would identify as a Christian. What if all those people actually acted like Jesus? But we're so afraid that if we actually acted like Jesus, that people would take advantage of us.
Debbie:Because you don't want anyone to and I've heard it, not just outside of church, I've heard in church you don't want people to walk all over you. That's like the main thing that you hear people say.
Josh:But yet people pay money for that. That's true. Oh, now we're on to something huh, okay, a whole different. That's fire, but that's what I'm saying. So, when I look at a marriage, right and and you know this whole podcast right how do you want to stop fighting with your spouse? Why don't love your spouse like christ loved the church, laid his life down for her wives, ifives? If you're being submissive husbands, if you're doing that, if you're loving and leading like Jesus, you are not going to argue Because, all of a sudden, what do you want for dinner? Is not an opportunity for World War III? I already know what.
Debbie:I'm getting for dinner tonight for you guys.
Josh:Hold on. What is it? Because I want to see if you're thinking like me.
Debbie:I was going to go get you some chicken gnocchi soup.
Josh:Nope, we weren't thinking alike.
Debbie:No, what were you thinking?
Josh:I was like I want tacos.
Debbie:Did we really? Yes, huh, I would not have. And I almost thought that. But then I was like no, no, he doesn't want that. I thought you wanted some warm soup.
Josh:Soup is not a meal, I know, but I was in a game. We've had this conversation many times, and that's the other thing Learn to communicate with each other, right? You're going to have disagreements. There are things you're not going to see eye to eye on. There was and I'm not going to get into it right now because it doesn't belong on this podcast but there was a that me and Debbie did not see eye to eye on.
Josh:Oh geez, as far as when it comes to what scripture actually says. For how long it was? An 18 month process of conversation after conversation, after conversation, after let's be honest heated discussions.
Debbie:Yeah, I would get mad.
Josh:I wouldn't. I had the Bible on myself. What would I get mad for?
Debbie:I know I tried to get the Bible on my side. It didn't work. I couldn. What would I get mad for? I know I tried to get the bible on my side. It didn't work. I couldn't bend. I couldn't bend the bible to me. I had to bend to what it said but again and this is something some of- that was my pride, because I was like I can't, he can't be right, because he's always right. Um, and by golly george, I just I finally, finally, have a record of it I just want to be right on something.
Josh:But my mom, I wasn't right. My mom used to tell me all the time a key to a happy marriage is simple Put the other above yourself, because if I'm putting you above me and you're putting me above you.
Debbie:We're outdoing each other in honor.
Josh:Right. What is there not to be happy with Right? That's Romans 12. What you just said, I right, that's romans. 12 well, you just said I know. No, you didn't. I did know that I did know that. Okay, you say so and there's no way for me to prove whether you knew that. No, I should have. Instead of going as romans 12, I should have went where is that? And then we would have known because, like once you said I know, now you do know here's the thing I know it's in the bible.
Josh:I knew that but but see, we just had a whole argument online right here, live, well, not live, but kind of live, and I could have cut this out of the recording, but I'm not going to, because did you hear us actually laughing in the argument?
Josh:and then, and now it's, and now I know we're gonna get tacos and I'll honest, like we have a lot of arguments where you were just all of a sudden, look at me and go. Why are you laughing? Because that's how a lot of our arguments end with me just laughing because you made a face or you said something funny or you messed up on your words.
Debbie:Or tripped up on my words.
Josh:Or you said something backwards.
Debbie:And I will tell you, the funniest thing to me is you're the only person I can trip up on my words like that.
Josh:See, I just did it just now. It's all checked up. We weren't even arguing and I go, but that's what it is right like.
Speaker 3:It's super, super simple but we won't do it because it takes effort, it takes a lot of work selfishness, oh my gosh yeah, I told you.
Josh:I told you that would tie back in.
Debbie:I just didn't want to give it away and like then everyone's like well, I don't need to listen to this episode again I think people know it's selfishness, but how many times you hear people go nope, I'm tired, I'm gonna get mine, I'm gonna get mine uh, that is the culture we live in and we, I mean I just, I don't know, we see it every day, just but understand.
Josh:You're teaching your kids that too and that's.
Debbie:It's hard because I don't always want to bring up, you know, because we're around kids all the time. But, god, we do see it in kids every single day and it's like, it's scary because that's the next generation yeah and they're selfish and they're self-centered and you have a few that are fighting through to not be like that. It's in the words of Gloria it's a doggy dog world.
Josh:Center, but I go, that's it. That's the big secret right there, right. Like yeah there are all sorts of techniques, right Sure, like oh, we get too mad, we take a break, we, you know calm down, write down all the great things they did Like.
Debbie:There we get too mad. We take a break. We, you know. Calm down, write down all the great things they did Like.
Josh:There are a lot of different tools and some CBTs you can do and I'm not saying that those don't have a time and a place, like there have definitely been arguments we've gotten into where I've been like, hey, look like. Or you've been like, hey, look, you know we're not talking about this right now.
Josh:When we're less emotionally charged um in emotions. That's a whole another one, and we know that's a whole different episode, don't even. But. But you know I'm not saying those things aren't beneficial, and I'm not saying those things don't work. What I am saying, though, is, if you start from a position of like, you can choose not to argue like. That is a choice it is.
Debbie:That's sure you don't always have to say something right and I'm not saying that there aren't other issues you need to work on right you know, like, if it's turning violent, like get to safety but everything, but that's, that's true, right, everything does not have to be a fight or an argument. You can literally, and you know what. I don't remember who it was, I was listening to, they were talking.
Debbie:They said was it wise it was wise smart, it was smart they said, sometimes the best thing you can do is know the other person is wrong and let it go.
Debbie:I do this all the time whether it's you or our children but they were saying you know, you look at jesus, who did nothing wrong, took that beating on the cross, died, suffered, and he did nothing wrong, but he took the blame. Sometimes you can take the blame and nod and agree and just go. Okay, I'm just glad you came to that conclusion. That's what I said like 10 minutes ago. Sometimes you can take the blame and nod and agree and just go okay.
Josh:I'm just glad you came to that conclusion. That's what I said like 10 minutes ago. Okay, that's why I kept going back to like look at the crucifixion. I know, but I was just Jesus chose. Like if anybody deserved to be served, right, it would have been Jesus, right.
Debbie:But a lot of people don't want to like. But I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, and they fight for that. And then you're right, and then you've ruined relationships and you've ended, you've ended, yeah yeah, you're all by yourself, right, but hey awesome you're right, all by yourself, yeah, because there's, there's other ways you can get to that point of being right right.
Josh:There are other conversations that you can have.
Debbie:It doesn't always have to be hostile, and at that moment you can wait a few days, you can in debbie's case.
Josh:I mean, she's waited years and brought stuff back up wow what lies are being told, wow that's true, that is true and you know and I go, but but again it really just boils down to it is a choice to argue, and if you don't want to argue, don't don't argue. I'll tell you right now. If I really want to get debbie mad, I just have to go, you're right, she'll work herself into a tizzy. I'll be like what you get mad for? I literally go, you're right, she'll work herself into a tizzy. I'll be like what'd you get mad for? I literally just said you're right, that gets me really mad. And apparently, apparently that wasn't what she was wanting in that moment? No, it was not.
Josh:But I go again. Like you're choosing to argue, choose not to Choose to sit here and go. You know what I'm going to handle this, the way that jesus handled this. I'm going to serve, you know, and enough with the silent treatment.
Debbie:That doesn't work no all you're doing is you're, you're showing how much of a child you are you're playing emotional chicken like I bet. I can go longer and the dangerous game is when you don't always know how the other person's gonna respond, and that might be that time where they go I'm not gonna lie.
Josh:Debbie called me bud the other night like we're going to bed. You know, we normally go. We normally go, hey, I love you. I love you, you know, have a good night's sleep and she's like all right, bud, and I was like what? And so now, every once in a while, I just like emotionally close myself off, you know. So she can see how that feels. So here's the deal, because I can do that easy.
Debbie:No, here's the deal. I was going to call you babe and honey at the same time, and that gonna call you babe and honey at the same time. And that was that week that I could not get anything right. I just couldn't say the right thing. My brain just felt like it was on overload. So I was gonna say honey and babe. And then it all came together and I called you, but she doesn't like it.
Josh:It's like we're going to bed and I'm like all right, bud, bud give me a little pat on my shoulder. Have a good night. Hopefully we'll wake up tomorrow. We can get it right.
Debbie:And he will just randomly do that which dress?
Josh:But again, like I go, it's easy. It's simple. You want to stop arguing in your marriage.
Debbie:It's super simple and have fun with each other. Love your spouse.
Josh:Love your spouse the way that Jesus loves you.
Debbie:And get tacos for them Again.
Josh:think about it right In Matthew 22, the lawyer trying to chip up Jesus. What's he say? Right, what's the greatest commandment, Jesus, what you got? And he's like hey, the greatest commandment is this Love lord your god with all your heart, mind, body and soul. And what's the? And the second one is like it love others whether you love yourself.
Josh:Understand if we did those two things, because jesus does go on to say that on this depends all the law and the prophets right the first four commandments and the ten commandments deal with our relationship with god and if you love god with all your heart, mind, body and soul, you are going to keep all four of those commandments right and if you love others the way that you love you. That is the other six commandments. They deal with our relationship with each other. Right. And guess what happens then. Like you have now kept all 10 commandments by doing what Properly loving God and properly loving others.
Debbie:Right, and I mean when you're serving people you got time to be pill paddle arguing. And you? You don't realize the chemical change that can happen in your brain. You feel better when you're doing stuff for other people.
Josh:Get addicted, you do Get high on your own supply, kinda that's what happens, getting that Jesus stuff on.
Josh:Yeah, that's right getting that jesus stuff on. Yeah, that's right and that's where I go. Honestly, like you choose to argue, you choose to be angry, you choose to be curmudgeon, you choose all of that. Yep, like I agree, all of that's a choice. Like you can be angry okay, being angry isn't a choice. Like you can't choose your emotions, right, you can choose what you do with them, though. That's why paul in ephesians would tell you you know, be angry and send not right like you're gonna get angry.
Josh:Things are gonna happen. You know your, your significant other, is going to make you angry your kids are gonna make you angry and instead of reacting out of that love the way that jesus loves and go.
Debbie:Hey, it really hurt my feelings when you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and if you're constantly loving, serving and doing, you can be proactive and that way, when something comes up, that reaction, you won't be reactive and it won't turn into an explosive situation right, but I go.
Josh:There's a different. If I came to you and I was like hey, deb, you really hurt my feelings when you whatever you said that you called me bud, um, that opens up a conversation, right. If you call me bud, though and I'm like you know, f you right that opens up an argument. Right like you, you see how it's the same thing you're trying to get to the same result.
Debbie:Just two different ways to get there.
Josh:Right, very different Right, vastly different. One is going to cause like a week long war zone at the house.
Debbie:And the other one could be, you know, a 10 minute conversation. One's like a nice smooth drive down the way.
Josh:And the other ones. You're going to get into an accident every step of the way, right, and I go and understand at the end you're the only one who can control you, right? So if you're waiting for the other one to change, that's not going to work what do I start every marriage counseling session I ever do with?
Debbie:if you, if they never change, are you willing to stay like with them for the rest of your life, knowing they're never going to change? Right, because if you walk into this going, here's my stipulation right throw it out the window, you're done right, and I'm not saying people won't have stipulations, like some people do, but that that can permanently alter your relationship.
Josh:Well, just understand. You have stipulations, you have expectations. It's going to lead you to an argument right and I'm not saying like don't?
Debbie:he's not saying put up with everything and anything he hits me and cheats on me all the time like obviously I would not be like hey well right that's what he's a terrible dad. He treats our children poorly. He hits right like obviously there are extenuating circumstances, sure I am talking about just regular run-of-the-mill arguments though right, like you know, he's bringing home aids to you.
Debbie:Obviously I wouldn't be like, oh you should just stay with him, right you know, and you went sideways fast on that one well, I just go. You know I'm trying to think of like every possible you know you've got to have some standard of some sort right, not saying just but that doesn't contradict what I'm saying. No, no, at the same time like because if someone and that's a whole nother episode men being men, women being like, that's a whole well, it's more than an episode there.
Josh:You could do a whole podcast on just men, just that that's true so I'll tell you what.
Debbie:That's a hot topic, but that's again a whole nother time, so I hope you gained something from it.
Josh:Hope you learned something from it. Hope you learned something from it. Hope you know how not to argue with your spouse. How to get out of every argument is simple Just just don't argue, Be Jesus. To one another.
Debbie:That's right.
Josh:So until next time, we love you. We thank you. Make sure you share this cause. We can't do this without you.
Debbie:Bye guys.