No one loves your child.......(like you do)

The episode dives into the essential dynamics of parenting, emphasizing that while no one loves a child quite like their parent, understanding boundaries and discipline is vital for raising well-adjusted individuals. The discussion encompasses establishing clear expectations for behavior, ensuring consequences align with standards, and the importance of parental unity to create a strong foundation for children's emotional and social development.

• Exploring the primary goals of parenting
• The need to manage expectations around children's behavior 
• Importance of discipline in parenting strategies 
• Understanding where parenting standards derive from
• Establishing clear rules and consequences for infractions 
• The impact of childhood trauma on parental approaches 
• The necessity of consensus between parents 
• Preparing children for real-world challenges 
• Closing thoughts on ensuring long-term success for children

https://www.missionsent.org/

Transcript

Parenting Standards and Discipline

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of Faith , Family and Fishing . We got a good one today . You probably read the title .

Speaker 3 0:23

Okay , but the title is no one loves your kid like you do no , no , no .

Speaker 1 0:29

You gotta say it like this no one loves your kid no one loves your kid like you do like you do , it's true . So . So we're gonna get into this um and and there's a lot that deals with this right , but let me start by asking this what ?

Speaker 3 0:53

is your primary goal as a parent .

Speaker 1 0:54

My primary goal , what's your primary goal as a parent ? To not raise jerks , to not raise jerks .

Speaker 3 1:01

okay , that might sound bad , but that's what I tell the kids .

Speaker 1 1:10

I don't want you to grow up and be little buttholes . Well , I understand you don't want that , but what , what , what ?

Speaker 3 1:12

would you say , is the primary goal of parents . I I want them to be well-functioning human beings who love jesus , love their families , love other people , serve , give , do things and not be jerks okay , so your goals are all based on the like , pretty much on performance .

Speaker 1 1:28

I would say what that was terrible . I would say that mr . Performance based okay yeah , it is something I struggle with , but I go . I would say that the primary purpose of parenting man , that's a lot of pops primary purpose of parenting .

Speaker 1 1:46

I would say that the primary , the primary purpose of parenting is this peter piper picked a pickle to raise adults who can function in society that's what I said okay , maybe yours is just more wordy , like , but , but what I'm saying is like to me that that's the primary purpose of a parent right , is to raise adults that can function in society , right . That being said , I think there's a lot that goes into this and and really what I want to focus on right in this podcast is is understanding , like your purpose , as that you know , as raising adults that can function in society is to get is to understand that not everyone is going to love your child Right , especially the way that you love your child Right . Like to us , our children are our world . Right , like we immense love they are of who we are right , literally and figuratively .

Speaker 1 2:48

I don't expect anyone else to care for them take care of them the way that I do , like . I don't expect anyone else to bend over backwards for them . I don't expect anyone else to give them the benefit of the doubt . I don't expect anyone else to give them the benefit of the doubt .

Speaker 3 3:05

I don't expect anyone else , to have grace and mercy with them , to treat them the way that .

Speaker 1 3:08

I would treat anything of that nature and I think some of us we see our children a certain way and we expect everyone else to , and I don't think that that is not fair . I don't think that's a fair expectation .

Speaker 3 3:24

I don't think that's fair to society and it's not fair to your kid for them to think that .

Speaker 1 3:28

Right , and I'm glad you hit that , because how is it not fair to your kid ?

Speaker 3 3:34

Because the expectation that you're setting is that what you do in your home and how you are with them in your home , everybody is going to do the same thing , and then they go out into society , they go to school . Everybody is going to do the same thing , and then they go out into society , they go to school , they go to a grocery store and they're doing something and everyone else is going . What in the name of Jesus is happening here ? And you're like that's just my baby .

Speaker 1 3:54

Right , and that's where I think you hit it right . One , stop making excuses for your kid , like have a standard . And two , when they fail to meet that standard , check on it .

Speaker 3 4:09

Well , there should be a discipline right um to meet that standard and I think , as we , as I read through , like you know , when we were talking about different podcast ideas and you sent this one over , I I just remember thinking to myself . You know , scripture says God disciplines those who he loves . And then , when a parent is putting their child out there as flawless and perfect , um , you're setting them up for failure because the devil wants you to not discipline your child . I believe the devil wants you to look at your child like they're perfect , because then you won't correct them .

Speaker 1 4:45

Right .

Speaker 3 4:45

And then later on in life he's going to snatch them up , spit them . You know , chew them up and spit them out .

Speaker 1 4:52

Well , not even the devil , just society in general .

Speaker 3 4:55

When I say the devil , I mean like through things like that , like through situations in their marriage with their kids .

Speaker 1 5:00

And that's really what I want to focus on in this podcast , like it's not a bashing podcast . I go . I want you to focus . If your goal is to raise fully functioning adults that can live within society , you have to discipline your children , you have to have a standard for your children and I think this is honestly the biggest thing is where .

Speaker 3 5:30

Where are you getting ?

Speaker 1 5:30

your standard from right . Right , I agree . Like that , I think , because most people's standard comes from this right .

Speaker 3 5:36

We look back to our childhood you literally just took it out of my brain and we go .

Speaker 1 5:42

I like this , I like that , like this , I like that .

Speaker 3 5:44

I didn't like that I didn't like this .

Speaker 1 5:46

I didn't like that . Like like I've met a lot of parents who won't discipline their children . A certain way Because their parents went over , yeah , a certain way .

Speaker 3 5:56

Right .

Speaker 1 5:56

Because their parents went overboard .

Speaker 3 5:59

Right . So instead of going hey , I understand , there are things I was disciplined for that I may not discipline my children the same , or children the same way my parents did , but I still discipline them for that thing . Um , I'm not going to throw the baby out with bath water , because their goal . They had the right idea . I just didn't care for , maybe , how they did it um , well , it's .

Speaker 3 6:22

We overcorrect so much in society , and we've talked to plenty of parents that were like , well , when I was younger this happened , so I'm never gonna make my kids deal with that . And it's like you are literally the main cause of your children having a struggle in life yes , I was gonna say their downfall , like you as a parent going mm-mm , I'm carrying my own childhood trauma , or this triggered me or whatever .

Speaker 3 6:50

I know that that's your favorite word I'm carrying all this stuff . So instead of going , hey , whatever like that's life Things happen I'm going to move forward and just raise the best kids I possibly can . You're going , I'm going to carry all these wounds and then I'm going to carry them into my parenting and you're hurting your kids . I can tell you firsthand you are hurting your kids .

Speaker 1 7:14

And that is really the main thrust , right there , right , you've got to stop taking your trauma and projecting it onto your kids . Okay , so just take spanking , for example right right . Um , I know people can be very split on spanking . Should you spank your children or not ? All right , and I know , for the most part , the christian response .

Speaker 1 7:38

You know spare the rod , spoil the job but that's going away in the church too , because I mean I I , I hear that , but but again one , there's nothing wrong with that , and what that proverb is trying to get you to understand is more so you have to do something .

Speaker 3 7:58

You can't stand idly by while your child is going wayward and going which again .

Speaker 1 8:02

so step one . If you're that kind of person , step one would be very clear when are you getting your standard from Right ? What is the standard in your household and where are you getting that ?

Speaker 3 8:15

Right , have you set no expectations ? Because if your kids are just wallowing out all over the place and they're not even concerned that you're going to know , then you have no standard . Right , your standard is your kid's feeling , actually , if you're not , but I see where you were going . I cut you off . I'm sorry , do you ? I do ? Yeah , no , keep going , I apologize .

Setting Standards and Clear Consequences

Speaker 1 8:42

So if we're a Christian , okay , the standard is perfection , right , right . Okay , the standard is perfection , right , right , like the standard is perfection . I'm not saying we have to be perfect . That is what sin is right . Sin is hamarita in the greek , it literally means missing the mark . Well , the mark was perfection . You have missed that mark . You have now committed a sin and the wages of sin is death .

Speaker 1 9:03

Right , Right . And , and that is the story of the gospel because we have sinned , we deserve to die . Right , Jesus came , lived a perfect life , born of a virgin . Um never sinned once and therefore could take our position in death . Right Uh dies . On the cross is buried . All the wrath of God was poured out on that right rose again on the third day and and now can give new life because of that resurrection . So if we're looking at that and going , that is the standard . Should the standard in our houses be perfection ?

Speaker 1 9:36

no right obviously not you know , obviously it shouldn't be perfection , because I hate and I know , um , people used to get highly upset with me . Highly upset because I would use the illustration so much that your child , especially Mo , like in Citigroup , is wicked and black-hearted and wretched . And it's this , you know , year old child and everyone again we have that tendency right not that baby .

Speaker 1 10:06

Right , we have that tendency to look at especially babies , puppies , things of that nature , and they can play on those emotions because they look so sweet and innocent . One we have to understand your child , and this is a different podcast , but your child is not sweet and innocent . Number two we have to have a standard , okay for some .

Speaker 3 10:23

So so number you need to dig in a little bit more .

Speaker 1 10:26

So so where you get your standard from matters . Right . For most people , your standard is pretty much like what you were raised with Right . Right . You were sitting here and going . Well , when I was growing up , we weren't allowed to whatever , like we weren't allowed to ride our bikes on Lake Boulevard . Okay , to ride our bikes on Lake Boulevard , that was a rule in our house because it was a big road it was , you know cars would fly down it .

Speaker 1 10:48

It was a cut through road in the neighborhood , so you know they didn't have so so it was . You're not allowed to ride down there . But but bigger picture , here is where you get your standard from matters . As a Christian , your standard should come from scripture . So one of the illustrations I give a lot in sermons is this like we all say , we follow Jesus , all right , but most of us were taught you better never start a fight but finish it , but you better finish the fight . Scripture teaches the opposite of that , though . Right Likeesus is sitting here getting punched in the face and mocked and spit on by the roman soldiers right before his crucifixion . He doesn't punch back , nope , he doesn't hit back . You know what jesus could have done with a headbutt like , especially with the crown of thorns on ?

Speaker 1 11:36

right like I , go and , and , and . So what we see in jesus is different than what most of us are teaching our children and I think what happens is because that's people can see that it's kind of sticky .

Speaker 3 11:50

They're sitting here going . You're just sitting here going , let my child get beat to death . I don't believe that . I think I mean you should get away and defend yourself if you need to , but I don't think your first response should be to attack .

Speaker 1 12:04

I agree , but but again , the the point isn't should you defend or should , because no , but I think people get lost and that's where they because I go . That's where they start going .

Speaker 3 12:13

They're like oh , you're just . I've had that conversation with people and I understand what I'm saying .

Speaker 1 12:17

I understand that . But I mean there are other points in scripture you know I could pull out where where god is like , hey , destroy this entire right . You know lineage of people , right ? That that's not my point . My point is , is some of us , when step one is we have to have a standard , where does that standard come from ? It should come from scripture okay , our standards should be in scripture if , yeah , if we're calling ourselves christians , yes um , and and even if you're not a Christian .

Speaker 3 12:46

You got to get it from somewhere and you've listened this long .

Speaker 1 12:48

You still have to have some kind of a standard , Even if you want to sit down and write out , right , and that's a big thing in education , right ? You know , during that first week of class as a class , you sit down and go hey , here's the class rules .

Speaker 3 13:03

We actually just redid our class rules on friday in my class .

Speaker 1 13:07

You know , because if you do it together you know the kids have more likely to cling . They have more ownership in it , right ? So step one is you need to have a standard . Step two is you need to have clear directives right for when that standard is not met if , then when , then right you know , and and okay , so here is our standard .

Speaker 1 13:25

Um , and then for an infraction to this standard , okay , like we talked about just a little bit ago , the wages of sin is death . There isn't , there's a , a discipline . There is a result , a consequence of not hitting this standard right now obviously your standard , should your , your consequence should never be death in your household , right , like , like .

Speaker 1 13:46

It shouldn't be like hey , you know , you didn't take the trash out , you deserve off with your head right um off with the head , but on the same hand , there should be very clear-cut um consequences for not hitting that standard I remember when JT was in school and the teacher would say , when he was learning sight words .

Speaker 3 14:08

No , not that , that's a whole different story . And the teacher would say do I need to call your dad ? Yeah , and he would tremble and go no , no , I'm sorry , please don't call my dad , because he already knew in advance . If I'm doing something I'm not supposed to and I don't listen to the teacher and they call my dad , I'm going to get spanked when I get home . Right , there wasn't a .

Speaker 1 14:32

Or you're going to lose privileges , something At the very least Something .

Speaker 3 14:36

I'm talking about , like the disrespect , the constant disrespect to the teacher Right , least something I'm talking about , like the disrespect the constant disrespect to the teacher right where these days you can talk to a kid and go .

Speaker 1 14:49

I'm going to call your parent and they go okay , right , which that's a whole other episode . But again , you have to have a standard , you have to have clear expectations , um for consequences if you do not meet that standard because , essentially , you're hurting your children .

Speaker 3 15:01

It's , it's .

Speaker 1 15:02

And number three .

Speaker 3 15:03

Oh sorry , number three .

Speaker 1 15:04

Yeah , number three is you need to follow through with those consequences . All right If you and and this is where , and honestly , as parents , you need to understand like , don't shoot the moon right out the gate . I used to do that Because if you start up here , yeah , there's nothing , there's nowhere for you to escalate to Right , right . So so if this is World War III and it doesn't work , or your kid pulls your bluff .

Speaker 3 15:31

You have nowhere to go and they'll call They'll . They will . They'll call your bluff .

Speaker 1 15:35

You have nowhere else to go . Now you have to backtrack and you like a liar right and like you , you can't . So so I go . You know , yeah , your infractions , you know your discipline .

Speaker 1 15:46

It needs to start a little bit lower and and so you have room to escalate up , right , you know , and , and and follow through with that , okay , like when your kid comes home , you know , and , and , maybe like it's hey , you know , I got an email from the teacher , you know , or something of that nature . Maybe it is just you know , hey , you lost , you know , electronics for today .

Speaker 3 16:12

A conversation and you lost the tongs for today .

Speaker 1 16:14

Or maybe it is . Yeah , you know , maybe it is just that conversation . You know , Because we have a child , that sometimes you have a conversation and they're trembling and like they'll move on from there . But see , and that's the other thing , right , you know , know your children . Right , because I'll tell you , right now I have a child that , like , spankings are very ineffective for um , you could sit there and and just spank all day long and it would never be an issue .

Speaker 1 16:42

However , if you go , well , that's very disappointing and walk away . It wrecks them . Oh yeah , you know . So I was the child again . You could , my dad could have spanked me all day and it wouldn't have bothered me like I could deal with physical , you know pain like that , not saying I enjoyed it , but like it wouldn't it wouldn't have the same effect .

Speaker 3 17:02

You were like , okay , let's just hurry up and move on Right .

Speaker 1 17:04

But you told me to sit at the table like and not get up , not move , not go play , like that's a big thing , you know , and again I go . So number one is have a standard . Number two have clear consequences for infractions of that standard . Number three is follow through with those . If you go to your child and go , hey , you got in trouble . And now you know you didn't listen . Whatever the case may be , you got in trouble . I'm taking your phone away for a month .

Speaker 3 17:37

And then they have it four days later , right .

Speaker 1 17:38

Three days later , four days later , four days later , they have their phone back they've literally like you are a joke now you're a punk to them , and they know I don't need to worry about this because they're gonna talk a big game but they're not gonna back it up and understand as a parent , like when you get to a point where you're taking away electronics and stuff like that . You know that has an effect for you too . Right , like one of the hardest things for me , like uh , years ago , was you know we had to . You don't even know what I'm about to say .

Speaker 1 18:09

I do know what you're gonna say you know the kids had to have their rooms clean every monday , and , and you know it became hard for me because then that means as a parent every monday .

Speaker 3 18:19

You have to go check that I knew what you were going to say .

Speaker 1 18:23

And I go .

Speaker 3 18:23

Because even if you're tired , you still have to go Right . Well , I said I was going to do this . So one time Josh had told one of our kids , if this , then I'm going to break your phone . And you know , never in a million years did I ever think one my kid would do what they did to that Josh would really break a phone . He literally took the phone , put it on the table , took a hammer as I gasp and crushed it into little pieces . And I thought to myself we bought that phone . But after he was done he said well , I told him I was going to do it , so you ?

Speaker 1 18:59

got to do it . I can't lie to him . To him right and I went and that's where , as a parent , it takes work on your part to sit down , you know , and hopefully map out with your spouse and go hey , like we need to sit down and get a hold of this before we can really even enact this within our family .

Speaker 3 19:20

Because your children , as sweet and as much as you love them , are going to play you and your spouse against each other if they can . And I know , like for our kids there are times they've been like do you have to tell daddy , you've already dealt with it , do you have to tell him ? And I said I tell him . Yes , I mean I've dealt with it and daddy will know that've dealt with it . And daddy will know that I dealt with it . He may have something to say later , but the discipline's already been done . But yes , I am going to tell daddy because I don't keep anything from him like that and they really , really like in the hopes of going but mommy , I won't do it again . Please , please , please , nope . I'm going to tell daddy because we're going to be on the same page across the board with everything .

Speaker 1 20:01

Absolutely A hundred percent , and that's what I mean . It may take us sitting down and going hey , you know what let's write out here are . Here is our standards , here are infractions for these standards , because me and you have to be on the same page , right , see ? And that's that . That would be number four for me , right ? Be on the same page , see , and that would be number four for me , right , mm-hmm ? Be on the same page , right , because , again , don't allow your children the opportunity to play you against each

Effective Parenting Strategies and Communication

Speaker 1 20:30

other .

Speaker 3 20:30

Because I will tell you , being in education as long as we've been in education , I mean there are times you talk to kids and they're like my mom's not gonna do anything , she's like shit . I'm gonna tell my dad .

Speaker 1 20:39

you talk to kids and they're like my mom's not doing anything , she said shit , I'm gonna tell my dad , or I mean , let's be honest , our kids , yeah , you know , they teachers could have told jt like you worked at the school . I'm gonna go tell your mom and and you know , maybe he would straighten up , maybe he wouldn't , but and and we told every teacher , like when we met with you know for parent teacher conference or meet the teacher or whatever .

Speaker 3 20:58

Whatever , you know , if you really want to see a change , go , I'm gonna call your dad and it's funny because , being an education I'm , I go out of my way to involve dads and I do . I see such a huge difference if I reach out to a dad and because the kids are like and again my mom future , future podcast .

Speaker 1 21:21

We can go through the difference between mom and dad , right , um , but regardless , because I've seen it the other side too , right . I've seen really soft dads and really .

Speaker 1 21:31

Oh , that's true , yeah , not very often , but yeah or especially like when well , yeah , I was gonna say especially when it comes to girls , but it doesn't really matter , um , but but I have seen it the other way . Right and I go . So , number one have a standard . Number two have clear expectations for infractions of those standards . Number three follow through with those infractions . And number four be on the same page , be a team . Okay , this takes work and , unfortunately , I think that's where the problem comes in . Right , this takes work . But here's the deal Understand your child . Eventually , if you are raising them to be , um , upstanding citizens in society , your child eventually is going to have a teacher . Right , they're going to go to school right right right , they're going to have eventually um a boss .

Speaker 1 22:23

You know , eventually they're gonna have a job right understand their boss does not look at them . They're just an employee right to them . That's all they are like . They're not .

Speaker 1 22:35

They don't have that emotional attachment right that you do and and I go and I get that eventually they're gonna have a spouse of their own one day , maybe , right , and and that's a totally different type of emotional connection , right , but no one , no one , no one , regardless of all . They're gonna have friends , they're gonna have coaches , you know all of those different things , understand , though no one looks at them the way you do , right , and if you and that's okay if you were sitting here going , hey , you can just do whatever , whenever , however , with whoever understand , you are hurting them in the long run , right you ?

Speaker 1 23:14

you really and truly are , because , right , eventually , that teacher is gonna have rules , right , right . And then what's going to happen ? Literally , we've had parents that were like , hey , stop calling me , you deal with it .

Speaker 3 23:27

Literally .

Speaker 1 23:28

And I go . I can't because I don't have the tools in my toolbox as a teacher . That you do as a parent , right , but they're going to have a teacher that has rules , who doesn't look at your child like the center of their universe because they're not , because they have 30 other children in that classroom .

Speaker 3 23:45

We don't , but yes .

Speaker 1 23:46

But eventually . Yeah , I know , I mean it happens , right , right , eventually they're going to be at a job and that boss is not going to look at them the way that you look at them when I talk , because they have 300 other employees when I talk to other moms , I always think , especially if they're moms of boys I go , you're gonna have a daughter-in-law one day , and god forbid that daughter-in-law .

Speaker 3 24:07

Look at you and go are you kidding me ? Like ? This is what you did , right , like um , but think about it .

Speaker 1 24:14

Why do we got 30 year olds living in basements playing video games Like ? Why do we got 35 year olds ? Why is failure to launch a thing ?

Speaker 3 24:21

That's how you raised them and make no mistake , like as a mom I would absolutely love . I love babying my kids . I love doing stuff for them . You always said I always made them too comfortable . You did With their little blankies ?

Speaker 1 24:33

Way too comfortable . And look at him now . I got a 17-year-old who always has to have a blankie .

Speaker 3 24:39

He does always have a blankie .

Speaker 1 24:43

But he can also function . Yes , he can , he can no .

Speaker 3 24:46

I can send him out and go hey , go , do this , this , this and this . But again the big thing is he can know he's at home and safe . And , and the big thing is , he can know he's at home and safe and he can know at home , mommy's going to do these things .

Speaker 1 24:56

Right .

Speaker 3 24:56

But he also knows when you have to go do like go handle stuff . You need to go handle stuff Like . He knows that .

Speaker 1 25:03

Right .

Speaker 3 25:12

But and like I was saying , like we have always , looked at this and went no one loves you the way that I do and you're going to go one day . Yeah , and as much as that may pain me , I think I think a lot of times as parents we take our personal feelings and then we project them on our kids , not just from like our childhood and stuff , but like , oh , that's my baby , that is your baby , that is going to go . Like the whole goal is for them to go and then they can come back and visit .

Speaker 3 25:33

Become productive members of society is for them to go , and then ?

Speaker 3 25:36

they can come back and visit members of society , and they come back and visit right with their spouse , their kids , whatever the case might be , um , and then they go back out to their home like not be a 30 , 35 year old right in a basement playing video games , because you never told them no or you thought everything they did was cute , or they were 15 , 16 , 17 , with five-year-old behavior and you were like it's okay , buddy , or you didn't want to again have your children relive the trauma of your childhood you don't want them to not like you hey , look , I get it .

Speaker 1 26:06

You know your , your mom , your dad , they may have went overboard with discipline , sure , okay , you may have genuinely been abused you may have scars . Those things happened right , and I'm not saying that that was correct and that's what you should do , um but on the same hand right you got to do something , because a child will always push you as far as they can push you . Always I think about , but think about it any person will always push you as far as they can push you In relationships , marriage , yeah .

Speaker 1 26:36

They will push you until you go . Uh-uh , that's it . Here is .

Speaker 3 26:41

Here's the line .

Speaker 1 26:42

And that's what I'm saying the more clear you can make your standards , the more specific you can make your standards , the more clear .

Speaker 3 26:51

Specific direct instruction .

Speaker 1 26:52

The more clear you can go hey , here is the consequence for infractions , right the more you can do all of that .

Speaker 3 27:00

And I think , if you start from a place of I love my child enough to correct them all of this . It should all be based in love , but I don't think it always is it's sometimes it's based on um fear .

Speaker 1 27:12

It's based uh based on like anxiety , but that's why , if you really go back and you can go back and pay attention and listen , we didn't use the word punish .

Speaker 3 27:21

No .

Speaker 3 27:21

Because discipline is done out of love to correct Right , punish is done out of anger to hurt , Right , you should never ever ever , if you're angry and you're like I'm going to wring their neck you better calm down , calm down even you might even have to go . It's gonna take a couple hours , yeah , and tell your kid we're gonna come back to this after I have calmed down . We've had those conversations with the kids . I'm not . I can't deal with this right now because I'm angry , yeah , so I need to step back for a second and I shouldn't react out of that right .

Speaker 3 27:48

And then I mean I , I've always respected your goal your goal should never be to hurt , right , right ever . You're like when the kid's running out in the middle of the road . You didn't grab them and spank their bottom to hurt them . It was , hey , quick , a quick , swift correction to go . Hey , that's gonna hurt you more and we can .

Speaker 1 28:05

We can do . If you guys want to hear a episode on spanking , I can do a whole episode on spanking . All right , because the goal of spanking is never again to hurt the child . It's not the physical aspect of it right the goal is to get their attention quickly right .

Speaker 3 28:25

That's the goal if you're sitting there just beating on them , you have a problem .

Speaker 1 28:30

Yeah , there's something wrong with you you need to go to jail right honestly , and I think we're way too lenient with with child oh yeah you know abuse and all and all of that . The bible is much harder on you know . Jesus literally says if you hurt a child , it would be better for you to tie a millstone around your neck and throw yourself in the sea and it was funny because we went to the bible museum and I saw what a millstone was .

Speaker 3 28:52

For whatever reason , I just thought a millstone was and then I saw it .

Speaker 1 28:56

I went yeah , no , that's what he was used to crush grain . Yeah , yeah I was like okay yeah , throw an anchor on yourself , throw yourself in the sea , like so please don't misunderstand anything I'm saying about like as far as stuff

Establishing Clear Standards and Consequences

Speaker 1 29:08

like that goes . But the biggest things are is to realize the reason you discipline is because not everyone is going to love your child the way you do .

Speaker 3 29:17

Right and you want them to have a life that they're thriving and they're doing well and they can look back and be like ah , thank God , my mom and dad didn't let me get away with this or that .

Speaker 1 29:27

Right , but as a parent , you will put up with stuff . Yeah . Because it's your kid .

Speaker 3 29:32

Right , that other people will not put up with . And we tell our kids , like to their faces , no one else is going to deal with this . Like this is not okay . Right , I mean through tears and all they've made .

Speaker 1 29:44

So so I'm just going to like , real quick , you know , get this . I want to put this back out right Step one . Have clear standards out right step one . Have clear standards where your standards come from matter . Set rules , set boundaries and be clear about them . All right , don't be ambiguous with oh , never get in trouble . Well , I mean , there's obviously a difference between you , know I ? I got an email from your parent , you got suspended right from school .

Speaker 1 30:12

Right number two have clear um consequences for violations of those standards . Right , you know , sit here and again . There is a difference between you , know , you chewing gum in class . Well , I'm trying to give examples other than just in school , right ? Oh , we just see so much of it in school , right , but I'm you to give examples other than just in school right , oh , we just see so much of it in school right , but I'm .

Speaker 3 30:37

You know there's a difference between you , know you rode your bike three streets over , when you were only supposed to say two streets over right and you left the city right you know so .

Speaker 1 30:49

so , number one have a standard . Number two have clear consequences for infractions of those standards . Number three um , again , make sure that you follow through on those infractions . Okay , If they're grounded for a week , they are grounded for a week . If , if , if electronics are gone for a month , they need to be gone for a month . And it might inconvenience you , but it will probably inconvenience you , yeah , but you have to because what you're doing understand .

Speaker 1 31:18

You're always teaching as a parent it's like cognitive behavior therapy without even realizing , you're always you're always teaching as a parent , and if , if , if you're sitting here going , hey , you lost this for a month , and then they're getting it back after three or four days , you are still teaching . What you're teaching , though , is that consequences don't matter , right ? So when they are older and they are out on their own and they come up against , they broke the law , they got arrested , they got , you know , they got . They were late to their job , and their boss was like hey , if you're late again , you know we're gonna fire you right and they're late again , and then they're late again , because consequences don't matter , because mom and dad used to tell me all the time like right .

Speaker 3 31:57

My parents didn't stick to it . Right and they love me .

Speaker 1 31:59

Right . So now they're late again and now your kids live in in a box on the side of the road because you taught them that consequences don't matter and that's going to hurt much more than a correction right now . Right , a little correction right now , and that's something my dad used to always tell me , right , little little kids , little problems , big kids , big problems . Right , you know , a little correction here is going to save them , a big correction later . Right .

Speaker 1 32:27

So we set the standard , we have clear consequences , we stand by it and we work together . Right , right .

Speaker 3 32:36

Be on the same page , on the same page , even , even and I do go back to school , but even like working with your kid's teacher be on the same page . You know I can partner with them I can talk to a kid and go . Well , I talked to your mom and she already told me that blah , blah , blah . And there I'm telling you , the kids are like you . Talked to my mom .

Speaker 1 32:52

Yes , partner with them ? Yes , absolutely I'll tell you right now , as a teacher , I would much rather us partner together . Yes . Because I see things that you don't see , right , because I'm with your kid literally all day , every day , right ? You know , and let's be honest , my kids act different when they're not in front of me .

Speaker 3 33:10

And I'm grateful for the teachers that were like hey , just to let you know I saw this and this and , or came to me and worked with me . Like it made life so much easier .

Speaker 1 33:19

Right , and if everybody's goal is the betterment of the child , yeah , guess what ?

Speaker 3 33:23

Stop getting so butthurt when you're . When somebody says something about your kid , right Go is what they're saying , true .

Speaker 1 33:29

No . Yes . What I'm saying is no , I was gonna go overboard with it because I it's just one of my pet peeves , right ? Um , and it's a different episode , but like , understand your child wouldn't do that . Understand your child is not perfect , right they're ?

Speaker 3 33:46

not . I think it as a parent , it helps me love them better when I go . Yeah , and that's why I stopped myself , because you're right .

Speaker 1 33:54

Um , it's just one of my , one of my , you know gotcha . So , other than that , like I think that that should end this episode yeah , I think it was good all right , so until next episode .

Social Media Promotion and Gratitude

Speaker 1 34:09

We love you . We thank you . We can't do this without you share . Please help us out and share , like that's the biggest thing you can do . You can always follow us on social media , just look up .

Speaker 3 34:21

Mission sent , just mission sent on Facebook , and then it's mission sent on Instagram .

Speaker 1 34:27

Yeah , because I don't get on social media yeah .

Speaker 3 34:29

It's easy , it's really easy .

Speaker 1 34:30

There's another episode , right .

Speaker 3 34:31

That's a whole other episode .